Valentine Schmalentine

Apologies up front and in advance, you are about to witness a middle aged woman have a whine, I won't go as far as to have a full blown temper tantrum but I'm definitely going to have a wee strunt to myself. If you are of a sensitive disposition, you may wish to exit gracefully and return another day, I will not be offended in the slightest, I'm your auntie, I'll always love you.

Okay, here it comes

I am 42 years old, you probably knew that, I make a point of telling people, it helps me realise that I am meant to be a grown up, a grown up who accepts the little curve balls that life throws at her middle aged self from time to time. More difficult for me to accept, however, is that I am not Carrie from Sex and The City, all right she's skinnier and has better shoes in a more glamorous location but there have been things I have truly empathised with. I bawled like a middle aged baby at this, my favourite episode, "La Douleur Exquise" series 2




Anyway, it's February, me no likey February, me especially no likey Valentines Day and there's no feckin escaping it, it is EVERYWHERE.

Here is the big fat whiney moan coming, in my whole fortyfeckintwo years I have received a grand total of 4 Valentines cards and that, frankly, is piss poor in a woman my age, there are 5 year olds that have had more than me and truth be told, in the last 2 years both my Dad and my sister have increased my market share by 50%, how patronised am I ?

Before I retired as a wife, I didn't give a curdy about Valentine's Day, it obviously happened every year and I'm sure I was aware of it but it didn't figure for me, I could have had red roses and diamond rings and anything I asked for, did I want it ? That would be a no.

But now I'm not married ? now I don't have someone legally bound to make my every wish come true? I want a lovely card, I want to be taken out to some overpriced with crap food "cos we can because we know we'll be full as you are all big suckers" restaurant, I want a big feck off romantic gesture. Sorry I have to rephrase that, I want a big FUCK off romantic gesture.

Contrary and shallow ? those would be my middle names.

Sorry, it did venture a wee bitty in to tantrum mode and apologies for the use of the hard F word, especially to NB's mother, it was for emphasis.

But I still want it, show me the mush.