Valentine Schmalentine part deux

In my last post, I was setting out my stall as to what I wanted for Valentine's Day. I had no conception that this Valentine malarkey should be a 2 way street. Oh no, your auntie was thinking how very what splendid it would be if SHE got what she wanted, no thought whatsoever that I would actually have to do anything my own self.

So, in my comments, I had lots of lovely sweet wishes from my bloggy loved ones, a special mention to TF who offered to change sex for me, now that's what I call friendship ! some great offers and some sage advice from Soxy, you can read the comments here

So I drag MY sorry ass into town and into the card shop. As I'm there I realise I haven't sent a Valentine's card in over 20 years, I think I was 20 the last time. Well, dear readers, I was horrified, they were all really bleurggh, I, of course have no clue what I actually want because I don't buy them I've never looked at them.

Some I could discount right off the bat, the ones that say to my husband, wife, boyfriend, girlfriend, love of my life, the one I love, someone very special etc etc etc.

Then I discounted the cute ones with teddy bears and fluffy bunnies etc, after barfing of course, I am just so not a teddy bear kinda gal.

I have to discount all the flowery ones, not partial to that.

Then I have to discount the ones that say " I want to shag you senseless" I feel a little decorum is called for.

That leaves me with the funny ones, except they weren't.

I ask the Thorntons lady if she would ice " Fecking Romantic Gesture" on a chocolate heart and she looked at me like I'd kicked a puppy and told me off for my language, suitably chastened, I left shamefacedly.

So I try another card shop and lastly a 3rd and I still couldn't find a card that I would be happy to send or to receive myself, for the love of God, why can't I find a simple, stylish, tasteful card ?

Now I realise why men don't make a fuss over Valentine's Day, it's just fecking hard work, I was an hour, a whole hour trying to get a card, do you know what else I could have been doing in that hour ?

However, I have put the work in and I feel sure that come Saturday, I shall be rewarded most handsomely for all my efforts.

Incidentally should anyone want to take me anywhere on Saturday, I have THE sexiest new little black dress and killer heels...

Valentine Schmalentine

Apologies up front and in advance, you are about to witness a middle aged woman have a whine, I won't go as far as to have a full blown temper tantrum but I'm definitely going to have a wee strunt to myself. If you are of a sensitive disposition, you may wish to exit gracefully and return another day, I will not be offended in the slightest, I'm your auntie, I'll always love you.

Okay, here it comes

I am 42 years old, you probably knew that, I make a point of telling people, it helps me realise that I am meant to be a grown up, a grown up who accepts the little curve balls that life throws at her middle aged self from time to time. More difficult for me to accept, however, is that I am not Carrie from Sex and The City, all right she's skinnier and has better shoes in a more glamorous location but there have been things I have truly empathised with. I bawled like a middle aged baby at this, my favourite episode, "La Douleur Exquise" series 2




Anyway, it's February, me no likey February, me especially no likey Valentines Day and there's no feckin escaping it, it is EVERYWHERE.

Here is the big fat whiney moan coming, in my whole fortyfeckintwo years I have received a grand total of 4 Valentines cards and that, frankly, is piss poor in a woman my age, there are 5 year olds that have had more than me and truth be told, in the last 2 years both my Dad and my sister have increased my market share by 50%, how patronised am I ?

Before I retired as a wife, I didn't give a curdy about Valentine's Day, it obviously happened every year and I'm sure I was aware of it but it didn't figure for me, I could have had red roses and diamond rings and anything I asked for, did I want it ? That would be a no.

But now I'm not married ? now I don't have someone legally bound to make my every wish come true? I want a lovely card, I want to be taken out to some overpriced with crap food "cos we can because we know we'll be full as you are all big suckers" restaurant, I want a big feck off romantic gesture. Sorry I have to rephrase that, I want a big FUCK off romantic gesture.

Contrary and shallow ? those would be my middle names.

Sorry, it did venture a wee bitty in to tantrum mode and apologies for the use of the hard F word, especially to NB's mother, it was for emphasis.

But I still want it, show me the mush.