My new addiction

As I am an extremely nosey person, seriously my need to know things is ferocious, I am greatly surprised it took me so long to investigate this. Probably my lack of techfeckinology played a part.

When I blog stuff, in my head I think I am read only by the people who comment, except for a couple of people, who always text or email me about what I've written and maybe another few who stumble in via the black box, is anybody else still doing that ? nope, just me ? it brought me back to myself the other day, it also very very often sends me to a deeply devoted Christian wife of a pastor in America, who has a campaign about fighting for marriage, if she gets brought to me, I'm sure she will despair of my post marriage excitement, poor girl will have to have a lie down.

Any hoo, I digress, I've got a wee thingy that tells you who's been visiting, no not by name, although I'd love that, just how many people, where they're from and it can tell you if they used a search engine, what phrase they looked for that brought them to you.

So, in 3 weeks my main page has been read 1484 times, seriously, 1484, most of you are British, followed by American but I have been visited from people all over the world, some even come back ! How gas is that ?


77.20% United Kingdom
14.00% United States
2.00% Saudi Arabia
1.60% Australia
1.20% France
1.20% Canada
0.60% Germany
0.60% Ireland
0.40% New Zealand
0.40% Argentina
0.20% China
0.20% Denmark
0.20% Spain
0.20% Cyprus

I love the search engine phrases



Search Term
24.44% auntie gwen blogspot
17.78% auntiegwensdiary
6.67% tell offs
4.44% i'm sorry i was late well i missed the train
4.44% cool clothes for 50 something women
4.44% mansecat
2.22% cuss words comebacks
2.22% auntie gwen
2.22% auntiegwen blog glasgow
2.22% tell offs
2.22% crocsareugly
2.22% curse word come backs
2.22% milf teachers
2.22% comebacks with swearing
2.22% comebacks to tell someone off
2.22% irish swear words
2.22% she drunken called me 2am dating
2.22% AAWH
2.22% curse word comebacks
2.22% it god auntiegwen
2.22% good comebacks with bad words
2.22% 7 things before i die tag
2.22% good friend tell offs comebacks
100.00%


The thing I found the most interesting is that most people who pop in are actually looking for their auntie, thank you, your auntie's always pleased to see you.

The first week was all people looking for me, milfs and I believe "actual shagging", curse words and Scottish sweary words.

Week 2 again was me, milfs, cursewords and a "drunken salmon Gwen" the mind boggles.

This week, there were a few I didn't begin to understand, for example why some poor reader was firstly searching for

"I'm sorry I was late, well I missed the train" and secondly why that brought them here, I don't think that's a phrase I've even said let alone typed !

" Cool clothes for 50 something women" well, excuse me, I'm only fortyfeckintwo! Would you give yourself peace !

"mansecat" nope, not a baldy (Glaswegian for a clue)

"drunken 2 am calling, dating" I have been known for the late night drunken flirty texting and I have on 1 and 1 occasion only called at 2.30 am to let someone know how very drunk I was, he described it as cute and melancholy

But Jesus, Mary and Holy St Joseph, I seem to be the Miss Potty Mouth of the internet, if you are looking for curses, tell offs and come backs as apparently 26.65% ( I added it up, and checked it, I know I'm a sad article) of you visitors who searched the internet and found me are, I apparently am Queen of the smart arse retort.

Is Google's perception of me as a 50 something, late night calling, potty mouthed wisecracker true ?

My mother would be so proud !

Curse words, tell off's and come backs

I've been tagged by Cheekie for my 3 all time faves of the above, she is expecting good things of me as I am an ex punk, please remember that I am also an ex catholic so the guilt thing is HUGE and also that I am pretty much, a good girl, I'm only bad enough to be interesting. So...

3 most often used curses
Jesus, Mary and Holy St Joseph

Feck and feckin (sometimes in moments of high agitation it becomes feckity, feckity, feck and only under extreme duress does it become fuck or fuckity,fuckity,fuck)

Shag and shagging (used to describe sex and also as in I'm so shagging tired, not from actual shagging sadly, apologies TMI part trois)



3 Tell off's - now we're talking, I'm the very woman you want for that, not only a mummy but a teacher too, watch and learn...

Would you give yourself peace

Of course you don't understand it, sweetie, it's harder than colouring in isn't it ?

No, because I am a grown up



3 come backs

Did you hear that ?, yep, definitely taxi for auntiegwen (I usually use my surname for this one, it works better, but if I had, you'd know who I was)

It's not your fault, you weren't blessed and born Scottish like me

Your mum or your face (beloved of teenagers over here) or best of all yer arse in as Glaswegian an accent as you can make it.


Apologies to any of my readers of a more sensitive disposition especially if you're reading this before your coffee, the Edge has developed a habit of presenting me with TMI before my coffee, it does make the start of the day interesting though.

Please feel free to have a go, as usual Edge, you're exempt