Drunkety, drunk, drunk...again, a tale in 2 parts

Part 1

A few months ago in a town just like yours there was a girly night out. An assortment of 30 and 40 something women were celebrating our good friend's birthday. In a bar, my friend was chatting up this bloke who was quite drunk but fair play to her, she liked him and she wasn't being deterred. I'm very sober and I was kind of on the periphery of this conversation and when she went to the bar he turned to me and gazed straight into my eyes (yes, he indeedily did, gazed is the very word for it) and said in tones that were quite reverential...

"You're beautiful" and then again "You are really beautiful" To emphasise his point he made his friend tell me that when I walked in he told the friend "That girl is beautiful" So the poor sober friend had to back up this story and when my friend came back from the bar and he turned to her and said " Your friend is beautiful" which didn't please her mightily if truth be told.

Now your auntie has had few romantic encounters in her life (oh, don't feel sorry for me, the ones I've had have been top notch, quality over quantity and all that) but the men I have had romantic encounters with have not been the most forthcoming with the compliments or the mush. Which is a shame as I respond very favourably to mush.

So here I am in a bar and a tall dark handsome stranger is telling me I'm beautiful and he then goes on with the compliments likening me to Andrea Corr. My friend at this point is getting Mr "You're beautiful" 's number put into her phone (she can't see without her glasses) by the sober friend who's thinking this is great craic to give the number to the wrong girl. We're still on the " You're beautiful" but this has been joined by " You're nothing like my type, I usually go for big blondes but you are simply ..." and the big crowd of women chime in "beautiful, yes, we know, she's beautiful"

What thinketh your auntie at this point ? Well, it's very flattering really but I kind of got the vibe he was a player, what kind of man goes around telling middle aged women they're beautiful ? One that wants emptied, methinks and I'm quite happy with what I've got thanks and I am so not going to get into an argy bargy with a friend over a bloke. So I persuade friend to go home but in the cab on the way home she calls him and sets up a date.


Intermission

The man and my friend have 4 dates, that's the polite way of saying it. So all of the evening I get the "You're beautiful " and she gets the man.

Part 2

Last night in another bar in another part of town I am getting served, I'm 1 glass of the pink fizzy and I glass of the red down so it's fair to say your auntie was feeling quite squiffy. I turn around and a tall dark handsome man says " It's you isn't it ? " I agree as I wasn't that squiffy and I knew that I was indeed, myself. The man turns to his friends and says "It's the beautiful girl, you know the one, the beautiful girl, she's here" all the friends look and agree that I am the beautiful girl he's been telling them about.
So we pretty much have the same conversation as before except this time he's sober and I'm squiffy, incidentally I happen to be with the same friend. He's not been returning her texts and she's a bit peeved.
She then comes to the bar to look for me and sees him, not a pretty moment. I escape to the loo and then go scrounge a sneaky smoke, I get dizzy and have to sit down, no I'm not sick, just dizzy, honestly you shag one sheep ! Then Mr " You're beautiful " comes to find me followed by my friend who takes me out sharpish to another bar.

Mr "You're beautiful" rings my friend to find out where we've gone and she won't tell him. We go dancing and I was on ferocious form, feeling much more like Missus Party Pants, I have a blast and have to be encouraged home at close of play at 2 am, yes, you did read right, 2 am, me that likes to go to bed the same day she got up ! I had a lovely crowd of wee boys who were highly entertained by my "But I'm 42, I'm old enough to be your mammy" this was discouraging them not at all, your auntie's ego was well and truly stroked but rest assured dear readers, that was the only thing that was.

In the cab on the way home, my friend calls Mr "You're beautiful" and I get dropped off home first, yet again I get the " You're beautiful" and she gets the man.

This morning I found that he'd sneaked his phone number into my jacket pocket.

Four glass Friday

On Friday it was The Beautiful Friend Jo's birthday. She was 43 candles old ( sorry sweetie). In honour of this auspicious occasion , we decided to stir our stumps, leave the conservatory sofas ( where we spend most of our evenings together) and go out - into the real world, with people, to a bar !!!

Off we pop to Dos Hernandos, a niceish, localish bar, where incidentally we went last September, that's how often we go to bars. It was really busy and I endeared myself to all the men in the vicinity as I cheered on South Africa as they humped England at rugby.

During the course of the evening, several men meandered over to talk to us. We find this strange as neither of us are very good at talking to men, Jo because she's been married for 10 years and they stopped speaking in about 1999 and me because I hate people mimicking my accent and that seems to happen a lot in England.

At close of play, I had been offered several drinks, a lift home and 2 offers of dinner. I wasn't even wearing my impulse spray. Now, is that because men are like buses and they all arrive at once or is it because when I told them I wasn't interested because I'm already with someone, they felt the need to chase ?

When I looked round that bar, I noticed all the men my age were talking to girls several years their junior and yep, you've guessed it, everyone who chatted me up was in their 20's , youngest aged just 20 and the oldest aged 26 !!! I've got tea towels older than that.

I did however pay for my night of the 4 glasses as I was sick several times, setting a beautiful example to my 15 year old daughter. The next day I had to dispatch the matey boys to buy me ibuprofen which being the sweeties they are they did. Matt and Alex, cheif matey boys even made me a Happy Hangover card to cheer me up too.

So, I've been out into the big world and it was interesting but I'll stick to the conservatory sofas for the time being, much more me.