Drunkety, drunk, drunk...again, a tale in 2 parts

Part 1

A few months ago in a town just like yours there was a girly night out. An assortment of 30 and 40 something women were celebrating our good friend's birthday. In a bar, my friend was chatting up this bloke who was quite drunk but fair play to her, she liked him and she wasn't being deterred. I'm very sober and I was kind of on the periphery of this conversation and when she went to the bar he turned to me and gazed straight into my eyes (yes, he indeedily did, gazed is the very word for it) and said in tones that were quite reverential...

"You're beautiful" and then again "You are really beautiful" To emphasise his point he made his friend tell me that when I walked in he told the friend "That girl is beautiful" So the poor sober friend had to back up this story and when my friend came back from the bar and he turned to her and said " Your friend is beautiful" which didn't please her mightily if truth be told.

Now your auntie has had few romantic encounters in her life (oh, don't feel sorry for me, the ones I've had have been top notch, quality over quantity and all that) but the men I have had romantic encounters with have not been the most forthcoming with the compliments or the mush. Which is a shame as I respond very favourably to mush.

So here I am in a bar and a tall dark handsome stranger is telling me I'm beautiful and he then goes on with the compliments likening me to Andrea Corr. My friend at this point is getting Mr "You're beautiful" 's number put into her phone (she can't see without her glasses) by the sober friend who's thinking this is great craic to give the number to the wrong girl. We're still on the " You're beautiful" but this has been joined by " You're nothing like my type, I usually go for big blondes but you are simply ..." and the big crowd of women chime in "beautiful, yes, we know, she's beautiful"

What thinketh your auntie at this point ? Well, it's very flattering really but I kind of got the vibe he was a player, what kind of man goes around telling middle aged women they're beautiful ? One that wants emptied, methinks and I'm quite happy with what I've got thanks and I am so not going to get into an argy bargy with a friend over a bloke. So I persuade friend to go home but in the cab on the way home she calls him and sets up a date.


Intermission

The man and my friend have 4 dates, that's the polite way of saying it. So all of the evening I get the "You're beautiful " and she gets the man.

Part 2

Last night in another bar in another part of town I am getting served, I'm 1 glass of the pink fizzy and I glass of the red down so it's fair to say your auntie was feeling quite squiffy. I turn around and a tall dark handsome man says " It's you isn't it ? " I agree as I wasn't that squiffy and I knew that I was indeed, myself. The man turns to his friends and says "It's the beautiful girl, you know the one, the beautiful girl, she's here" all the friends look and agree that I am the beautiful girl he's been telling them about.
So we pretty much have the same conversation as before except this time he's sober and I'm squiffy, incidentally I happen to be with the same friend. He's not been returning her texts and she's a bit peeved.
She then comes to the bar to look for me and sees him, not a pretty moment. I escape to the loo and then go scrounge a sneaky smoke, I get dizzy and have to sit down, no I'm not sick, just dizzy, honestly you shag one sheep ! Then Mr " You're beautiful " comes to find me followed by my friend who takes me out sharpish to another bar.

Mr "You're beautiful" rings my friend to find out where we've gone and she won't tell him. We go dancing and I was on ferocious form, feeling much more like Missus Party Pants, I have a blast and have to be encouraged home at close of play at 2 am, yes, you did read right, 2 am, me that likes to go to bed the same day she got up ! I had a lovely crowd of wee boys who were highly entertained by my "But I'm 42, I'm old enough to be your mammy" this was discouraging them not at all, your auntie's ego was well and truly stroked but rest assured dear readers, that was the only thing that was.

In the cab on the way home, my friend calls Mr "You're beautiful" and I get dropped off home first, yet again I get the " You're beautiful" and she gets the man.

This morning I found that he'd sneaked his phone number into my jacket pocket.

At school today...

Open evening for prospective A level students and parents 6 till 8 pm.

Classroom all set up looking very what splendid.

Enticing parents and students to come visit our classroom with offer of free food.

Table of healthy dips and carrot sticks and 2 platters of grapes and strawberries.

5 teachers and a graduate trainee being very earnest, sensible, polite and charming as is our want

End of evening, packing up and leaving, Mr W gets to take all the leftover carrot sticks home and he very innocently says

"I'll need to buy a rabbit"

Your auntie says "Don't think it'll be much use to you"

Before collapsing on the floor, tears blinding me

Nothing like laughing at your own jokes, I'm still laughing now.

Sad article that I am.

Yes, I know I'm supposed to be setting a good example.

I've been a good girl, I have

This weeks total of bad behaviour

I have eaten a whole Fruit and Nut toblerone, bought to accompany the viewing of my new Sex and The City DVD.

Out on Wednesday night, 3 glasses of pink fizzy, no sneaky fags, no snogging.

Out on Friday night, 2 Gin and Tonics, 1 sneaky fag, no snogging.

Out on Saturday night, 1 glass of pink, 2 and a half sneaky fags, copious amounts of snogging, on the rooftop terrace of a bar and then (hangs head in shame) more snogging on the back seat of a BMW (I know,everybody hates BMW drivers but I can't escape them, only BMW drivers find me attractive)

BUT

I have ran twice (to combat the fruit and nut toblerone)

I went to church this morning for Harvest festival, so I think overall, your auntie has behaved quite well this week.

Clothes Maketh The Woman

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a woman in posession of a credit card, must be in want of a shop (or 6)

My name is auntiegwen and I am a shopper, not to Olympic standard like the daughters but I'm not too shabby.

I like clothes and shoes and handbags but I'm not particularly adventurous, I tend to buy the same types of things. I have in my posession 4 grey cardigans, I'm too scared to count my Petit Bateau childrens vests (age 12) and my jeans (Gap) so regular me is jeans, vest tops and a cardie, I am very fond of my grey cashmere Gap one and also my new long boyfriend one from M and S.

Due to a change in hours and timetabling I have to be smart 4 days per week now, I used to only have to do 2, that's hard. I'm of an age (you probably noticed) and I want to look stylish but not old enough to know better, and that's becoming tricky, I'm not ready to look like a middle aged woman. I think because from age 18 to 33 I didn't have to think about work clothes because I was in a nurses uniform, so I do casual well, I'm told I scrub up well in my posh going out stuff but work ????

At school, my students really do critique what I wear and my fondness for wrap around DVF style dresses (2 black, long sleeved and sleeveless, 1 black and red, 1 black and grey and 2 green) makes Eldest Beautiful Daughter call me a refugee from a Boden catalogue. Incidentally these draw the most comments from staff, last week I got 3 compliments in my green Boden wrap round. Students tend to like trouser and long cardi combo's.

Yesterday I went off in black trousers, a fitted white shirt and a black waistcoat and I was feeling very what smart until Rik, my head of department said " Looking smart today, auntie, off to referee a snooker match at lunchtime ? "

No, but I'm off shopping today to find smart, stylish, age appropriate clothes that are as comfy as my jeans, vest top and cardi combos, am I asking too much ?

Drunkety, drunk, drunk...again

Saturday evening

Friend's 40th (quite a special friend)

Out in town, 3 coats of mascara and hair up, was told I was looking "foxy", also had been informed that I was irresistable , this was a good week for your auntie, premium quality mush was coming my way.

Copious amounts of flirting, truly outrageous amounts, not behaving age appropriately AT ALL, in fact, behaving very badly in 1 bar, your auntie was definitely on a promise

3 glasses of the pink stuff, I kid you not, only 3

1 cheeky/sneaky fag, of the regular variety

1 extremely dizzy auntiegwen

Ashamed to say, did actually vomit, in public, I know, the shame of it, on my sexy L.K.Bennett £129 shoes too !

Was taken home

Managed to take clothes off, brush teeth and put myself to bed, alone, in my fancy underwear, which didn't get the appreciation it deserved on the cost per wear aspect.

Fell fast asleep

Birthday friend waited for an hour

Birthday friend then drove home ( miles away, at least 40 miles) but phoned several times to check on me

Still fast asleep, didn't answer any calls or return texts

Was awakened by friend, next morning, who's driven back because they've spent the whole night worrying about me

Lovely friend didn't yell at me for spoiling evening, or worrying them half to death, even brought me my coffee in bed.

I didn't even have the decency to be hung over !

Again, I apologize for my outrageous behaviour, I spend a lot of time apologizing ! usually to the same person. I have to face sad facts, I am going to have to grow up.