The Big Chill

I feel the cold, my default temperature setting is "a bit chilly", I blame it on being born in the summer. I like it hot. No sniggering at the back please. I can sunbathe in 45 degree heat, you will never hear me say I'm too warm. Never. It's a shame I live in a cold place, I am more suited to somewhere like Hades, climatically speaking.

Readers, my central heating has broken down. I have no heat and no hot water. I have no fires or other means of heating my house. There is a teeny tiny electric wall heater in my winter fridge, you may call it a conservatory? This means if I had a barometer it would read "Fecking Freezing"

This is my own personal doom. I am not good in the cold. Not good at all. I am tetchy, significantly more tetchy than normal. I am writing this in bed, attired in jammies, tracky bottoms, a rugby thermal top, a fleece, thermal socks and a cardigan awaiting someone who I will love for evermore coming to fix it. I am practising being a poor pensioner, I feel I've nailed it.

Please feel free to drop by and hug me to warm me up. Or to point and laugh at my attire, your choice.

Update 3pm

My boiler was indeed repaired and it stayed on for an hour, it's gone off again now. I will get another engineer after 6pm tomorrow to try and refix it. I am a very chilly auntie again.

Update 6pm

The company I pay stupid amounts of money to every month to fix these problems have called to reschedule the engineer due to sheer volume of central heating breakdowns. The first available slot is next Wednesday. They did apologize profusely and tell me I could buy electric heaters up to a limit of £50 and they would refund the money. They also offered to reimburse me if I found someone else to fix my boiler whilst at the same time telling me that they have taken on every local engineer they could find. As a last resort they have said I can check into a local hotel.

Not a very happy auntie this night.

Things I don't understand, the 09 remix.

How can people renting my villa take the curved, corner unit shower door off it's runners ? Actually, don't tell me, I don't like to think of how people treat The Beautiful House when they rent it. I can't begin to imagine what they thought would happen by phoning me at 10.30pm in England, in what way I could assist them, that I could wave my magic landlady wand and all would be well ? They also locked themselves out of their bedroom but fortunately I could fix that by telling them where I keep the spare keys. Sometimes I think people are too stupid to leave the country.

How can it be so unbelievably hot and sunny all week making my classroom hotter than Hades and yet today ON MY DAY OFF it rains ? I had a lovely day planned, a sun lounger had my name upon it, a bikini was awaiting me, a good book begging me to read it and NAE WEANS, a whole day of peace, and it rains, bad Karma, bad.

How can I have spent £3,389.72 IN A MONTH ? Feckity feckity feck, it did include flights to Turkey, some holiday money, the new washing machine, the car service, The Beautiful Son's birthday presents and meal out and all the other regular stuff, but even so. That's the biggest bill your rubbishwithmoney auntie has ever had.

Why do I keep buying lingerie (that will be on next month's credit card bill) when absolutely no one except me sees it? Please look at my fancy new knickers, I'll feel better about spending the money on them, I thought they were divine and would look deadly with my tan, again poor auntiegwen, no one to appreciate the tan and the new knickers.

So to recap, stupid people in my villa and I'll see the unedited version of how they left my house as they leave the day I arrive (next Saturday).

Feckin weather, hot when I'm at work, raining when I'm off.

Credit card bill, Marks and feckin Spencers.

The tumbleweed that is my romantic life.

All together now, poor poor auntie.

PS - don't feel too sorry for me, it's 12.27 now, I'm still in bed reading blogs, posting this and eating a box of Guylian La trufflina' s that were kindly given to me by students.

Not too shabby.