Monday 18 August 2008

The rules according to me

I have decided to publish this set of rules in the interests of clarity and fair play. Just so there's no misunderstanding and when I put on my cross voice and give you my "I'm very disappointed in you face"

The Beautiful Children Rules

Stop feckin fighting with each other and for my time and attention, you are wearing me out. When I am on the phone, leave the room, you are not an enhancement to my conversation. If I am going out do not give me an interrogation that the CIA would be proud of, accept my vague explanation of me going to see a friend without demanding proof of who where when and why, I am fortyfeckintwo and I am entitled to a teeny tiny bit of privacy. You are not allowed to drink, smoke, take drugs, listen to crap music or have sex until you are 18, I would prefer 36 but I am a reasonable woman. The caveat to this includes 18 and not living with me. Wait till you get to University and knock yourself out.

The Beautiful Children's friends aka The Matey Boys rules

I do not wish to see your pants - ever. If you wish to wear your trousers just below your arse, when with me ensure you have a long enough t shirt to cover them. You are not allowed to have inappropriate thoughts about me, I will never entertain you, I have tea towels older than you and it grosses out Eldest Beautiful Daughter.

The Beautiful House rules

Don't break things, occasionally try and investigate what the Dyson does, do not put empty things back into the fridge or cupboard, lock the door when you leave and never poo in the downstairs loo or even worse my ensuite.

The Beautiful Students rules

No visible pants allowed (see TBC friends rules for further explanation if necessary). Do not use your mobile in lessons, if I catch you doing so I will speak to the other person and embarass you mightily. If I catch you texting I will read your most entertaining messages aloud to the class. If you are MSN ing or facebooking or myspacing, prepare to be ripped apart, I have a pithy wit and I'm not afraid to use it in print. No gum allowed, I don't like it. I will only allow Ipod usage when I am not speaking and only if I can find something on your ipod that I would personally listen to. I cannot bear and will not allow the phrases "innit, well good/bad or huh." This may be added to from time to time depending on your behaviour, language and demeanor and what time of the month it is or how TBC are behaving.

I am thinking of having the students rules printed up and distributed at the beginning of term as I am a middle aged woman with too much time and access to a laminator ( little in joke for sixy and her partner, it's a fab quote pinched shamelessly from him)

There I give you the law and gospel accoring to St Gwen. We should have no problems now.


Anonymous said...

Great set of rules, I think we all need something like that posted at home!

scrappysue said...

oh i love that i found a blogger with a teenage daughter. i have 2 - want an extra? really, it's just like having 1, but having 3! my EBD (19 on monday) when she was texting in class had her phone taken off her (and put in teacher's draw) so the rest of the class started texting her phone, much to the chagrin of the teacher. they all thought it was hilarious (of course). i don't know how you teach teenagers. they're mean.

Anonymous said...

Haha...those are absolutely fabulous! Can I get a laminated copy for my classroom please! :D

ME said...

Great rules. I think you should have a set of all of them printed and everyone sign their life away!

Squirmy Popple said...

You have a lot of rules about pants!

Tim Atkinson said...

I'd have a laminated copy for my classroom (if I had a classroom). And yes - beeautiful kids!

Laura said...

I'm a wee bit worried that you have old tea towlels. Think I'll bring my own if i ever come for tea lol

DAB said...

I'm liking your thinking, please stand for Parliment. PM Auntiegwen Rules OK :) TFx

Working Mum said...

Are you sure you want to encourage experimenting with the Dyson?

Shirley said...

Sorry, love, but what is a Dyson? (bloody ignorant Americans!)

auntiegwen said...

Cece - if only they'd follow them

Sue - I really like teenagers, more than some adults

Lisa - useful, eh ?

Craze - I think so too

Katie - when people stop showing me their pants I'll stop having rules about them

Dotterell - you can't fool me, eventually you'll miss your classroom !

Laura - I have many vintages of tea towel, some even from the hallowed halls of John Lewis, quality lasts !

TF - I would love to jobshare that with Victoria Wood, how good would that be ?

WM - some kind of vague idea of how it works would be a good life skill, I feel

Shirley - it's an overpriced vacuum cleaner and I love Americans, I've got several lovely bloggy friends from the USA

A Confused Take That Fan said...

Nice rules. But do they abide by them?

auntiegwen said...

ACTTF- we are cross blogging, I'm on yours as you're on mine ! do they feck, that's why I look shagged all the time !

Anonymous said...

See... now I have interweb again I can catch up on all your posts.

Responding to this one first because I am still too shocked to respond to your latest!!!!!!!!!!!