It had to happen

It was only a matter of time, I mean me with my White Company addiction and my fondness for Cath Kidston fripperies.

I must be their target demographic but I have never succumbed for myself, when the children were smaller I did dabble and I was bought something once. But I held firm nothing for me thanks.

They wrote to me, told me I was a hard nut to crack, offered me all sorts of enticements. I ignored them. They emailed and whispered promises of all kinds of middle class loveliness. I caved.

It had to happen eventually.

So I will fess it up.

My name is auntiegwen and I...

sorry, I can hardly bring myself to type the confession

My name is auntiegwen and I bought a Boden raincoat.

The cliche of the middle class mummy.

Feck

The auntie needs a new kitchen post.

I need a new kitchen, mine is shabby and tired, slightly falling apart and going off colour, a bit like me in room form.

I have 3 Cath Kidston tea towels, some flowery clothes peg fridge magnets (xmas pressie from my friend Sixy)and some wobble stripe CK oven gloves just quivering in retro style floral porn anticipation. I even bought a set of Kitchen Devil knives. But no nice new apple green painted walls and cream shaker style units with silver bar handles and a pastel ice cream coloured smeg fridge dream kitchen to put them in.

All together now poor, poor auntie.

But I have a cunning plan.

Not like The Beautiful Son's plan of sleeping with older people for money, I fear I may not get enough for the paint. A betterer plan. Remember when Peter Kay did his "Mum wants a bungalow" tour? This is the "auntie needs a new kitchen" campaign.

Hot Boy has always said when he gets famous (outside of Germany, where his band are really, really popular) he will buy me a new kitchen.

Today Hot Boy's band who I think should call themselves Hot Boy's Band, loads of people searching on T'internets will be lead to their site (yes, I think it is a much better name, I thought it up all by my very own self) anyhoo they release their album "Of regard and affection" today. They, however, are still sticking with calling themselves i am in love.



If you all buy the album and tell everyone you know to buy the album, Hot Boy will become famous and will have to buy me a new kitchen to stop me telling the tales that couldn't be put on the blog, yep that's right, you had the heavily edited highlights. God help us all, you only get a smidgen of what he's like.

He will be 21 on Monday and has a huge exam to sit today so send all good positive vibes his way, pleasey please, and if you wanted a good 21st pressie or passing your exams pressie...

Or Eldest Beautiful Daughter has said she'll marry Prince Harry.

She has a 3 pronged strategy for meeting him so he can fall madly in love with her

1 - She teaches at a military school and he comes on an official visit

2 - William and Kate have a child that she becomes the personal tutor of

3 - When Hot Boy is playing at the festivals this summer, she will be hanging around in the VIP area as Hot Boy's plus one and as Hot Boy is wooing the crowds she will engage Prince Harry in flirty banter about her red and white polka dot wellies.

So, the choice dear readers is up to you, you can pay the money for Hot Boy's album or EBD will have to marry into clan Windsor.

You know what's the right thing to do.

Things I don't understand part eleventy squillion

In the Cath Kidston shop in Bicester today there were 2 security guards at the door. How nasty were they expecting middle aged woman deprived of retro floral household porn to get?

Feck, even last Tuesday this place only had 1 security guard.

Confession Time

I'm not quite sure how it happened but it did. I'm not proud but I am slightly puzzled at myself. I had resisted, despite many others indulging, I had managed to to abstain.

But it's happened now.

Should I tell you and fess it all up? Have I disappointed you? Will you forgive me? Feel free to make me do 10 Hail Holy Queens or as many Glory Be's as you think fit.

Or just shake your head and say "I would never have expected it of you, I just won't feel the same way about you now" or call me a "bad auntie" or make me sit on the naughty step for 43 minutes.

On Saturday...


















I went into Cath Kidston and I bought a peg bag, some oven gloves and a tea towel and a luggage tag.

When I could have bought shoes from LK Bennett or Jimmy Choo.

When I could have bought fancy knickers from Agent Provocateur or Myla.

When I could have bought jeans from All Saints or Jack Wills.

Oh no, I bought retro kitchen porn from Cath Kidston, a shop where they provide a handy basket for men to leave their balls in at the front door.

You have no need to berate me, I have let myself down, I am on the way to being an official grown up, I am one Per Una cardigan away from being past it.

I'll have to organise a big night out with drinking, sneaky smoking and a bit of flirting to keep this reckless middle aged streak at bay.