My Celebrity Shag List

All credit to BeeLikeJ as that's where I pinched that lovely quote and pic from. And with the greatest of thanks to Jacey, you can in fact click HERE and see my number 1 in all his glory, yes, my dear sweet readers, it is, the divine Mr David Tennant. Oh be still my beating heart.

I wouldn't say no to Ewan McGregor either, many thanks to fanpop for the gratuitous kilt porn. Many thanks to Queensjoy who made the Ewan graphic that somehow ended up on fanpop where I pinched it from.


I could also be tempted by the very lovely Craig Ferguson, once half of Bing Hitler now a chat show host in America. Bit of a theme emerging here.


And how could I say no to Gerard Butler, he took his mammy to the premiere too, are you loving the kilt porn?


Last but no means least, who could resist Sharleen, especially in her Elvis gear?


Okay, so who's going to have a go? Obviously you don't have to pick 5 Scottish people, you'll probably want to but it's not compulsory.

I had a very technologically trying day

I am usually a happy wee scone on Mondays. I laze around whilst offspring are at school, I stay in jammies eating chocolate and then I pretend I've been working. I am usually very happy to be clickety clickety on the internets. Not today.

Today I tried and failed to order a new garden table from Marks and Spencer, the one I want is out of stock.

Today my google reader thingy is completely blank, this means that when anyone I have on my bloglist posts I don't know they have, I like to know this, I like to read your posts, I'm not ignoring you, honest.

I absofeckinlutely hate the student finance section of directgov, my child is putting in her correct passport details, we have the feckin thing in our sweaty mitts, we can't go any further in the application process and we are now both bored to death with it.

If she cannot access this, she will be unable to obtain a tuition fee loan, I am now strongly considering naked ironing, apparently you get £35 an hour for it, just hook your web cam up and away you go. I fear I will be a bad parent if I insist on her making erotic films, even though there has been a demand. Naked ironing seems like a good compromise.

I was going to write about my celebrity shag list, I have spent quite a long time trying to find naked pictures of David Tennant today. I have failed, I did see one of him partially covered but the bit that was covered was the bit I'd be partial to.

I will try and post my celebrity shag list tomorrow, I fear I may have already told you this a few years ago so if I have please just pretend you don't remember and act surprised.

Sarah Palin

Ok, what gives ?

Why do men of a certain age find her attractive ? Just about every man I know is drooling over her. Even my drunkety, drunk, drunk co conspirator.

Yesterday, I sneaked off work and met him for lunch. I wore a sexy black suit with a tight pencil skirt, the infamous LKB shoes, stuck my hair up again and borrowed The Beautiful Son's glasses.

Putty in my hands.

Could this be a new career for me ? Would people pay money for this ?

No Sex in Suburbia

Well, can you believe it ? I am sat here ala Carrie from Sex and The City, writing this very post on my laptop on my bed !!! Yes I now have wireless all sorted, to be fair I had to buy a new pc to support this, but hey I now have the joy of being able to ramble on whilst sat around in my bra. Incidentally, why did she always do that? it's a wee bit chilly for your auntie but hey if it's good enough for Carrie...

What a gas job that Carrie's must be, just writing about how weird men are, I mean how easy is that ? Never let it be said that I am an unfair woman, I will say now that there are at least 3 men that I like and I'm only related to 2 of them !I know it's a cheap shot to snipe at them but fairly safe to , on this blog as I think it is an overwhelmingly female readership.

Off I go now to see Christina so we can have a real old pop at the poor wee scones and as always update our celebrity shag list, mine is pitiful at the mo so feel free to drop me some suggestions.

Just to whet your appetite, click on the nice wee thingybob and have a sneaky peek at the movie that I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZ5UyFLJcCc

Want to come with me ?

Them feckin Italians

I know I have irrational prejudices against the Italians and it's something I'm working on but what about that wee feckin italian with his drop goal 40 secs from time to win the match ? Feckers.

That seems like God just wants me to keep hating them.

No real connection except rugby, but I am pleased to announce I have found a new man to head my celebrity shag list. He is called Dimitri Szarzewski, he plays no 2 ( which is hooker, and that is a real rugby position, honest!) for France. His club is Staid Francais. He is sooooooooo beautiful, I have not even checked out how old he is (even in fantasy, I won't do it if they are more than 5 years younger than me). He reminds me of Prince Charming in Shrek.

Please click on the wee thingybob and you will see him ( I hope) What can I say gratuitous images of men, my mother will be shocked. Is this the first case of rugby porn ?http://www.weshow.com/uk/p/28599/dimitri_szarzewski_dieux_du_stade_2008

And no you can't have him, I saw him first.

PS - When trying to find a picture of him, I've been routing round in cyberspace and I've found out he's only 25, I ve now gone off him now, too young but I've left the thingy in case you're a - younger than me or b - not bothered

Will you marry me ?

I was thinking that this was was a good time to have a wee bit of fun, after all, how many times does a girl get to propose ?

Now, I am a creature of habit and for many many years my celebrity shag list remained the same. The original line up was as follows

1 Billy Connolly
2 Robbie Coltrane
3 Craig Ferguson
4 Alan Cumming
5 Dougie Henshall

I amended it a few years ago, giving the matter quite considered care, to

1 Dougray Scott
2 Dougie Henshall
3 (I'm sorry to say I can't remember but it could've been Jack Davenport)
4 Sharleen Spiteri
5 Angelina Jolie

Now, I'm afraid to say that I'm going to have to amend it again as none of them seem to be doing it for me. What is wrong with me ? There are millions of people in this world, why can't I choose 5 ? It really is a puzzle, I've got no one to propose to and no one to proposition.

So, if you can think of anyone I can propose to, drop me a line please !

Ps, I have discounted Dan Parks as he is only 28 and Chris Patterson as he is a baby too

My Wish List

After picking myself off the floor post separation, a good few months later, when I was feeling slightly more human, I began to think about a future that included another man.

I'd always enjoyed compiling my celebrity shag lists with my friends and the shag, marry or throw off a cliff game. Compiling my "What do I want in a new man" list kept me entertained for hours, my other single friend Christina and I went over our lists endlessly, updating and adding to them.

My wish list for my fantasy new man had some very stringent criteria, I was extremely fussy, some of what I wanted was ludicrous in the extreme, but the list grew longer and longer. You would have thought that I was some kind of gorgeous supermodel with a mensa type IQ to be asking for what I was asking for, but no, I'm just me. I did actually go out on dates with men who didn't immediately fit the criteria, I didn't dismiss people completely out of hand. But on the date I could feel myself mentally ticking off things on the checklist and very, very rarely did I accept a second date, if I felt that they were too far removed from my fantasy new man. When I think about it now, it is so awful and completely stupid but shows that my head was so not in the right place to think about being with someone else. Let me share with you the list, so you can have a real laugh at how mental I was being.

My Fantasy New Man

Age between 40 and 44
Height - minimum 6 foot pref 6 foot 3
Physique - very toned - no man boobs
Hair - must have a full head of hair, pref blonde this time
Eyes - no real pref on colour , maybe blue this time but must have nice long eyelashes
Clean shaven - at all times

Must be funny
Should be able to talk about how he feels
Be able to be supportive
Be happy to text me numerous times during the day
Previously married and divorced a long time ago
Have had children before ( so he knows what real women's bodies are like post childbirth !!!)
Children to be grown up and living independently ( I know that's a bit of a stretch given the age criteria, but I warned you it was a crazy list)

Must have a regular type job and not be an ambitious career sort
Not be a dominant alpha male
Get home from work at 6pm every night and never have to travel away
Ideally the job would be something like a builder, someone really practical who would be able to fix things for me, like diy or car problems

Must not like football, rugby is fine but no footie fans
Must love shopping
Must be good at sex and never fall asleep before me afterwards
Must go to Starbucks very regularly and NEVER say " Jesus, that coffee cost me £ 3, I could have bought a pint for that"
Must never get drunk and only drink a tiny little bit, pref red wine
Must read avidly
Must not drive a BMW
Must want to travel and explore new places
Be willing to arrange and sort out travel plans, so I just have to turn up

Preferably Scottish ( shared frames of reference, similar humour etc) and prepared to wear his kilt at every opportunity
Prepared to take on and love my crazy and dysfunctional kids and my much madder extended family
Want to go back and live in Scotland with me
Be prepared to stand up to my ex and to say no to him as I found that v difficult

In short I wanted someone to totally take care of me and my every want and whim. How passive am I ?

Now, lucky, lucky me I have managed to meet someone, a man who has made me extremely happy. I don't wan't to wax lyrical about him as I will make you vomit as I can be extremely mushy about him and if it all ended next week I'd look extremely foolish professing undying love for him and all that.

Does The Beautiful Man fulfil all my stringent criteria ? does he fit the important bits ? Some of them he does, some of them are the polar opposite of what I wanted and thought I needed. I have mentally ripped up the list and have allowed myself to take the chance to be happy. That has been the best decision I've made in a very long time.