I know that according to the google searches that I am the queen of the comeback and I have been known to lob out an occasional smart arse remark. I, am however, sometimes completely lost for words. In this last week this has happened more than once, I am recovering nicely now though.
Male friend commenting on an old photo of me as a 15 year old
"I'd have shagged you."
ag - hoping he meant as a teenager himself and not now as a man of middle years. I am trying to be tactful here, in case he gets offended I originally wrote nearly 50.
John, friend of my parents we went to visit on Friday night
"Grace, I thought you said she'd lost a lot of weight? " "No, you did, you told me she was like a stick insect, she is not" "Ah, well, compared to her sister she is I suppose"
ag - I don't know who was more mortified, my mother or me, probably my mother, I thought she might have another stroke there and then. He did however pop round on Saturday to apologize, bringing me some roses as he knew he'd been tactless.
Text from my Beautiful Baby Daughter who is staying up in Scotland for a week with my parents (so is The Beautiful Son)
Jack said I touched his bum but I didn't and Nana called me a pervert, that was not nice
ag - I didn't think that would be a word my mum would use in general conversation never mind conversation with my children.
Gadget Mad Dad on return from a car boot sale on Sunday morning
"Picked myself up a wee laptop for £25, not got a charger but I've got a few out in the shed"
ag - this is a man who has an all singing all dancing computer that he replaces annually and still hardly uses it, what does he need a laptop for? This is a man who has just spent £15,000 yep that's right fifteen thousand pounds on premium bonds, he's not short of a bob or two, what is he buying an ancient old laptop at a car boot for ? and why in the name of all that's holy did he buy one that had no feckin charger?
Incidentally, he spent all of Sunday trying every charger in the house (yep, that included phone, electric shavers, all his power tools and even their wee black and decker dustbuster wee hoovery thing to pick up crumbs trying to fit into his bargain, no matter how many times I told him they wouldn't work, he would not admit defeat.
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Showing posts with label men. Show all posts
Monday, 10 August 2009
Monday, 29 December 2008
Romantasyland
Once upon a time in the far away kingdom of Romantasyland lived a maiden, okay, a maiden who was old enough to know better.
She thought she had met and married her Prince, sadly he turned out to be a toad but undeterred our heroine kept kissing frogs, waiting for her Prince, she never gave up on the idea of romance.
Enter our dashing hero, 6 foot 1 of pure muscle, fair of hair (plenty of it too, the maiden was impressed, she's used to short, middle aged bald men) and blue of eye, the maiden was a bit bowled over.
Like all good fairytales the path of true love never runs smoothly, the maiden had a nasty habit of demanding mush and romance and wanting to talk about their relationship and the dashing hero was after all, a bloke, and a Northern bloke at that.
The maiden remarked to the dashing hero that most couples have a honeymoon period where there is an abundance of romance and mush before reality sets in but that they had seemed to go straight to the reality stage.
Our dashing hero agreed that indeed their relationship had always been real and stated in what he may have thought to be a concillatory fashion "There's more than one way to skin a cat"
Quite.
She thought she had met and married her Prince, sadly he turned out to be a toad but undeterred our heroine kept kissing frogs, waiting for her Prince, she never gave up on the idea of romance.
Enter our dashing hero, 6 foot 1 of pure muscle, fair of hair (plenty of it too, the maiden was impressed, she's used to short, middle aged bald men) and blue of eye, the maiden was a bit bowled over.
Like all good fairytales the path of true love never runs smoothly, the maiden had a nasty habit of demanding mush and romance and wanting to talk about their relationship and the dashing hero was after all, a bloke, and a Northern bloke at that.
The maiden remarked to the dashing hero that most couples have a honeymoon period where there is an abundance of romance and mush before reality sets in but that they had seemed to go straight to the reality stage.
Our dashing hero agreed that indeed their relationship had always been real and stated in what he may have thought to be a concillatory fashion "There's more than one way to skin a cat"
Quite.
Sunday, 2 November 2008
10 Things I learned this weekend
There is a new sign on the border, it's blue and has what is I suppose someone's modern interpretation of the Saltire on it and is says "Welcome to Scotland" and underneath "Failte gu Alba" I preferred our original "Ceud Mille Failte" pronounced coo milla falcha, which is Gaelic for A hundred thousand welcomes. I know I'm turning into a Grumpy Old Woman, I'll be standing in for Jenny Eclair on the next tour.
The M74 and M6 have a staggering amount of roadworks especially southbound, it took me 2 hours longer to drive back to England today than it did to get home on Friday. Yes, I am aware that I'm sounding like a Daily Mail reader, I'm working on it !
I get very irritable in traffic, I wasn't even appeased by the hot guy who smiled, winked and flirted with me for 25 minutes along the M6, I would rather have just not had the delay, what did he think could happen ? That I'd pull over and Gillian him on the hard shoulder ?
Scotland had the best of the weekend weather, it was beautifully Autumnal there, crisp but bright and sunny and last night there the sky was so clear with beautiful stars, ok it was feckin freezing but I still had the stars.
I don't like the new Sharleen Spiteri CD, it sounds like 60's pop music, I gave it to my mum, she likes it and I wasn't that struck on the new Snow patrol one either.
Women underestimate how important sport is to men, I don't know if it's all sport but golf seems to be incredibly important, there is a huge application of thought and psychology that surprised me.
Men do not want to be questioned about things, they will even lie about stuff to avoid this kind of dialogue, I always thought it was conversation, they don't think it is.
Women are too harsh on themselves about their body image, men apparently aren't too fussed by a bit cellulite or the odd wobbly bit, the analogy used to explain this to me was " If I've got to the stage where you're naked then it 's like being 3 foot away from an open goal and stopping to play keepie uppie whilst checking out the condition of the pitch, if I'm 3 foot away from an open goal, I'm gonna make sure I shoot and score" Thank you, that makes me feel sooooooo much better.
I finally know how to do the click on the word thingy, I got a full tutorial this morning and he even wrote it down for me in step by step stages so I can do it all by my own self. Please click here to listen to a song I heard in the car on the way home, I had this up full blast and stuck my foot down, I'd forgotten how much I loved this song. They were playing in Glasgow last night and I didn't know, they were the first band I ever saw.
Every woman needs a bit of edge in her life
The greatest of thanks to my host, he re arranged his weekend, provided me with food and drink, cooked and washed up after me, washed and ironed the organic cotton bed linen, provided me with some extemely valuable insights into the male psyche, refrained from telling me what an arse I am making of my life and didn't comment on how funny I find things after a few glasses of the red stuff and how quickly I can inhale Merlot.
The M74 and M6 have a staggering amount of roadworks especially southbound, it took me 2 hours longer to drive back to England today than it did to get home on Friday. Yes, I am aware that I'm sounding like a Daily Mail reader, I'm working on it !
I get very irritable in traffic, I wasn't even appeased by the hot guy who smiled, winked and flirted with me for 25 minutes along the M6, I would rather have just not had the delay, what did he think could happen ? That I'd pull over and Gillian him on the hard shoulder ?
Scotland had the best of the weekend weather, it was beautifully Autumnal there, crisp but bright and sunny and last night there the sky was so clear with beautiful stars, ok it was feckin freezing but I still had the stars.
I don't like the new Sharleen Spiteri CD, it sounds like 60's pop music, I gave it to my mum, she likes it and I wasn't that struck on the new Snow patrol one either.
Women underestimate how important sport is to men, I don't know if it's all sport but golf seems to be incredibly important, there is a huge application of thought and psychology that surprised me.
Men do not want to be questioned about things, they will even lie about stuff to avoid this kind of dialogue, I always thought it was conversation, they don't think it is.
Women are too harsh on themselves about their body image, men apparently aren't too fussed by a bit cellulite or the odd wobbly bit, the analogy used to explain this to me was " If I've got to the stage where you're naked then it 's like being 3 foot away from an open goal and stopping to play keepie uppie whilst checking out the condition of the pitch, if I'm 3 foot away from an open goal, I'm gonna make sure I shoot and score" Thank you, that makes me feel sooooooo much better.
I finally know how to do the click on the word thingy, I got a full tutorial this morning and he even wrote it down for me in step by step stages so I can do it all by my own self. Please click here to listen to a song I heard in the car on the way home, I had this up full blast and stuck my foot down, I'd forgotten how much I loved this song. They were playing in Glasgow last night and I didn't know, they were the first band I ever saw.
Every woman needs a bit of edge in her life
The greatest of thanks to my host, he re arranged his weekend, provided me with food and drink, cooked and washed up after me, washed and ironed the organic cotton bed linen, provided me with some extemely valuable insights into the male psyche, refrained from telling me what an arse I am making of my life and didn't comment on how funny I find things after a few glasses of the red stuff and how quickly I can inhale Merlot.
Thursday, 11 September 2008
Sarah Palin
Ok, what gives ?
Why do men of a certain age find her attractive ? Just about every man I know is drooling over her. Even my drunkety, drunk, drunk co conspirator.
Yesterday, I sneaked off work and met him for lunch. I wore a sexy black suit with a tight pencil skirt, the infamous LKB shoes, stuck my hair up again and borrowed The Beautiful Son's glasses.
Putty in my hands.
Could this be a new career for me ? Would people pay money for this ?
Why do men of a certain age find her attractive ? Just about every man I know is drooling over her. Even my drunkety, drunk, drunk co conspirator.
Yesterday, I sneaked off work and met him for lunch. I wore a sexy black suit with a tight pencil skirt, the infamous LKB shoes, stuck my hair up again and borrowed The Beautiful Son's glasses.
Putty in my hands.
Could this be a new career for me ? Would people pay money for this ?
Wednesday, 13 August 2008
The moral of the story is...
Once upon a time there was a woman who fell in love. The man she loved shared the same birthday as she did. She felt this gave them a special bond. The woman fell out of love with the man and they parted but she was still grateful for the time they had shared together and wished him no harm.
On the shared birthday the woman sent a very carefully worded and thoughtful email to the man. He replied from his work email address...
"Thanks, hope you had a good one too...K" and underneath was his name and job title.
Mr Ex Boyfriend
Communications Manager, Europe.
The woman laughed for quite a long time and wondered when he would realise he didn't quite have the appropriate skill set for that particular role.
The End
On the shared birthday the woman sent a very carefully worded and thoughtful email to the man. He replied from his work email address...
"Thanks, hope you had a good one too...K" and underneath was his name and job title.
Mr Ex Boyfriend
Communications Manager, Europe.
The woman laughed for quite a long time and wondered when he would realise he didn't quite have the appropriate skill set for that particular role.
The End
Saturday, 5 April 2008
No Sex in Suburbia
Well, can you believe it ? I am sat here ala Carrie from Sex and The City, writing this very post on my laptop on my bed !!! Yes I now have wireless all sorted, to be fair I had to buy a new pc to support this, but hey I now have the joy of being able to ramble on whilst sat around in my bra. Incidentally, why did she always do that? it's a wee bit chilly for your auntie but hey if it's good enough for Carrie...
What a gas job that Carrie's must be, just writing about how weird men are, I mean how easy is that ? Never let it be said that I am an unfair woman, I will say now that there are at least 3 men that I like and I'm only related to 2 of them !I know it's a cheap shot to snipe at them but fairly safe to , on this blog as I think it is an overwhelmingly female readership.
Off I go now to see Christina so we can have a real old pop at the poor wee scones and as always update our celebrity shag list, mine is pitiful at the mo so feel free to drop me some suggestions.
Just to whet your appetite, click on the nice wee thingybob and have a sneaky peek at the movie that I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZ5UyFLJcCc
Want to come with me ?
What a gas job that Carrie's must be, just writing about how weird men are, I mean how easy is that ? Never let it be said that I am an unfair woman, I will say now that there are at least 3 men that I like and I'm only related to 2 of them !I know it's a cheap shot to snipe at them but fairly safe to , on this blog as I think it is an overwhelmingly female readership.
Off I go now to see Christina so we can have a real old pop at the poor wee scones and as always update our celebrity shag list, mine is pitiful at the mo so feel free to drop me some suggestions.
Just to whet your appetite, click on the nice wee thingybob and have a sneaky peek at the movie that I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZ5UyFLJcCc
Want to come with me ?
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)
