I've been a good girl, I have

This weeks total of bad behaviour

I have eaten a whole Fruit and Nut toblerone, bought to accompany the viewing of my new Sex and The City DVD.

Out on Wednesday night, 3 glasses of pink fizzy, no sneaky fags, no snogging.

Out on Friday night, 2 Gin and Tonics, 1 sneaky fag, no snogging.

Out on Saturday night, 1 glass of pink, 2 and a half sneaky fags, copious amounts of snogging, on the rooftop terrace of a bar and then (hangs head in shame) more snogging on the back seat of a BMW (I know,everybody hates BMW drivers but I can't escape them, only BMW drivers find me attractive)

BUT

I have ran twice (to combat the fruit and nut toblerone)

I went to church this morning for Harvest festival, so I think overall, your auntie has behaved quite well this week.

Drunkety, Drunk, Drunk

Oh yes, I was

The recipe ?

4 women old enough to know better

1 birthday night out ( me on Tues, herself on Fri)

3 bottles of pink fizzy and no dinner

Watch Mama Mia - we had the singalong version (no, the other cinema goers weren't expecting that and surprisingly no one complained, not even when we waved our mobile phones ( for the lights) in the air at the slow ones, I like to think we enhanced their enjoyment !)

Round the evening off with some late night flirty texting.

There you have it

Drunkety, drunk, drunk

Yesterday

Yesterday

I did have my hair cut, please see photo and tell me if you like the shortest hair I have had in years.

I demented Eldest Beautiful Daughter by making her take several photos of me as I want to get a wee picture of me beside my name when I comment, I still can't do that, please tell me how to.

I went to a hen night and was the most sober there by a gazillion miles ( and I had 3 glasses, you'll hear more of that later)

I sorted out a lovers tiff by making someone on the corresponding stag do, text his girlfriend ( I had to speak to him on the phone as I was the most sober one there)he had not told her he's arrived in Newcastle and she was feeling a bit teary and neglected.

I spent 45 minutes with a very tearful woman talking her out of ending it all, she tried to run out into the road and I had to get her back, poor poor thing she was so unhappy, mixed with shed loads of alcohol, lethal combination. I went to the loo and when I came back she was enthusiatically snogging some random bloke !

Even though I was the most sober one there, I agreed to join my marathon running friend and the bloke she runs with (he owns the restaurant we were in) in running the Berlin Marathon in 18 months time. Oh yes, I can stretch my 3 miles into 26, nae bother to your auntie, completely do able....

See what happens when I go out, Jesus, Mary and Holy Saint Joseph, I really am much better off at home, much less eventful.

Waiting for The Beautiful Happiness

I was bumping my gums last week about being boring and the " is this it? " type angst than I can be prone to. Now I know that I am the only one who can change the script so with that in mind I did do sumfin bout it.

In the last week

I did join a running club, yes I did, I did run 3 times, now don't I deserve a medal ? I met 2 really nice women and have felt very virtuous all week, including when I ate a Marathon bar, yes I know they're called Snickers now but I'm of an age.

I did go for drinks with a man, I did not like it, I thought I was being brave and getting out there and yes, I do trust my friend who arranged it, yes he was ok but I am not going to date just for the sake of it, and I do take your point that I am far too fussy and no one is perfect but there was no spark and I'm not going to waste his time and my lipgloss on it. Enough said.

I did go to a birthday party on Saturday night, I drank pink champagne and danced. I was chatted up by boys, what is wrong with me? boys under 25 and men over 60 love me, it's just the 40 something ones I struggle with. I was fairly seriously pursued by a 22 year old and even a 19 year old had a good crack at me. I've got tea towels older than that. I just wanted to give them career advice, I could no more flirt back with them than I could support the England rugby team.

I know I'll sound really judgemental but there were grown up women there who really were old enough to know better, it's a fine line between being youthful/game for a laugh and sad old slapperdom. On arrival a 50 something Grandma, bent over and lifted her dress up, flashing her thong, I generally just say hello, she also greeted the young lads there by rubbing their faces in her ample bosom, which just looked motherly as opposed to perky. She was trying to fit in with a much younger crowd, when I spoke to her later, she's had such a sad romantic history and seemed like a really nice person, she's just so scared of being on her own. When I left, she had teamed up with a cross hybrid of Rod Stewart and Peter Stringfellow who was definitely was of an age with her, they seemed happy enough.

My friend who is dating a really lovely guy (who wasn't there) spent a fair ammount of time face sucking and bum feeling someone 20 years her junior. This was despite a team talk in the ladies from me about how happy her relationship makes her. Now being fair I was the soberest one there and my friend was fairly drunk, she kept telling the 25 year old she couldn't give him babies, I kept thinking, he doesn't want a relationship, he just wants emptied, he tried it on with me when she went to the loo and on hearing my refusal asked me what the best way to "nail" my friend was. A real charmer, eh ? I absolutely made sure she went home with me, in the taxi I asked her why and she said she just wanted to keep her options open ?!? Should you be snogging strangers in tacky clubs when you're with someone ?

I spent the night feeling like I was a Wee Free Minister, I had the sour puss look off to perfection. Okay it's hardly Sodom and Gomorrah but it's just not my idea of fun and it's not what I want. I may be fussy and I may not get perfection but in my life I've been damn close to it and I am so not going to settle. One day I will have The Beautiful Happiness again.