Friday 16 January 2009

Conversations with my ex

Background info

I spent 2 decades of my life with the man with the world's worst memory. He had no recall of places we'd been, films we saw or people we met. The only things I'm sure he'll remember with relative clarity of his time with me would be the time when I wore the white dress, veil and tiara and the occassions where he accompanied me to the big building where the people in white coats and stethescopes removed small people from me. I'm certain he would know it was me he did those things with, I'm not saying he'd remember all of it but the edited highlights, sure.


ag - so you'll pick the kids up at 4.30pm as I have to get to Leicester for 7.15pm

ex - what are you going to see again ? I know you told me ?

ag - it's the Leicester Comedy Festival preview show at De Montford hall

ex - oh have they got a comedy festival ? I love live comedy

ag - thinks yep, I know you do, you've been to that preview show before at least twice, but says nothing

ex - we went to see Frankie Boyle in Nottingham

ag - immediately thinks the "we" referred to is him and his girlfriend and then thinks jealous thoughts , because "we" being me and my ( I have to find a name I'm comfortable with for him) tried to get tickets and couldn't

ag - oh was he good ?

ex - I think so, can't really remember, did you enjoy it ?

ag - I haven't seen him live

ex - yes you have, we saw him in the same hall we saw Texas in

ag - that wasn't me

ex - it was so, we saw him about 3 years ago in Nottingham

ag - no, we didn't, we did see Jimmy Carr in the Leicester Comedy Festival preview show about 5 years ago though

This is the man who walked up to a girl in a bar in Aberdeen and said " I promise I'm not trying to chat you up or anything , but I know I know you but I just can't think from where"
she replied " I'm your cousin Marian, you last saw me at Granny's funeral "

I fitted him with a homing device to keep him coming back to me for those 20 years, I suppose the battery just wore out.


Tim Atkinson said...

Sorry - what did you say your name was?

Anonymous said...

Haha...good Lord how does he make it through the day?

Nota Bene said...


Frankies' Cornish Farmyard Ramblings said...

Gosh I thought it was hid nibs that behaved in that manner! Funnily enough if you asked about interest rates a decade ago or the price of oil, he would recall within 10 seconds. I often think if he was a child at school now he would be diagnosed with ADHD. The life and soul of any gathering because he can recall a joke on any subject straight away, amazing. After all that he is still the man for me.
Love Frankie

Mean Mom said...

I felt vaguely guilty when I read this, as I've never had a particularly good memory. I sometimes can't remember places I've been with my husband and he gets a bit frustrated with me.

Your ex sounds as if he has a real problem, though. You must be relieved that someone else has most of the responsibility for him, now!

Anonymous said...

Ha too funny!
My ex's memory has got worse since we split up. A lot of conversations start with him insisting he told me and the kids something (usually about plans) and us all saying "No you didn't!" *sigh*
Oh and "he who can't be named" could always be "Himself" - that's a catch-all sort of word ;o)

Working Mum said...

he he he! You could use this to your advantage!

Laura said...

I've have that problem to lol

Shirley said...

Alas, I have his problem. I've gotten so good at forgetting bad things and moving on, that I forget *every*thing! Mostly it's a blessing, but I sometimes wish I could recall the good things my kids remember.

(Love the crack about the battery going dead in his homing device!)

A Confused Take That Fan said...

How frustrating!! My husband also has a dreadful memory. I find it very annoying. Anyway, it is Sunday morning and I should be doing much more constructive things than blogging. Hope you've had a good weekend!!

rebeckajane said...

I always enjoy reading you. I really liked the entries on your children, and the ex? priceless are they not? (yes sarcasm)

x Becka

menopausaloldbag (MOB) said...

Hah men! They just don't register stuff like we do. God knws how they get through life and that is surely why they never learn because they take no notice of the stuff that happens first time round. My husband has the memory of a plank. I am astounded at how he remembers nothing - it does drive me nuts! But then it does work in my favour too as he quickly forgets how horrible I am to him when the HRT stops working every few months!

auntiegwen said...

Tim - that's too close to the truth

Lisa - he's very focused at work, so I think the other stuff just seems less important to him

NB - well there's a phrase for him, not one I'd choose myself, mind

Frankie - that s true of him too, something that interests him will be remembered

MM - oh my memory's fairly bad too, I'm always searching for my keys or my purse but I'm better at people and events

Penelope - the ex and arrangements they forget to tell you about, funny that isn't it ?

I do call him himself, not when I'm with him, he has a real name and I use that, to be very truthful, he doesn't call me auntiegwen either, now you're shocked !!!!

WM - I have in the past, that's how I got a new fitted kitchen in 1997

Lolly - me too for some things, I think it's just that I have so much to remember with work, all the kids stuff, all the emotional housekeeping I seem to do, it's easy to let stuff slip

Shirley - I always remember the good stuff, and random bits of rubbish that make me a good quiz partner and shit hot at Trivial Pursuit but whether or not I've paid the gas bill ? not so good

ACTTF - maybe it's a gender thing or maybe if you have a wife to take care of it thing ? I had a lovely Friday night thanks, Sat and Sun very beige

Becka - hope you're good sweetie, thanks xx sending you the love xx

Mobs - at least you've got an excuse, like I said before I am just a bad tempered bitch, see next post on my faults x

scrappysue said...

can i say your well shot of him?