Precariously balanced

At the moment life chez auntiegwen is a teeny tiny bit tense. The exmrauntiegwen got engaged and told the children on Saturday. He told my son a few weeks ago which caused him to be stressed silly, my son told my elder daughter whom I feel is also stressed about it but Beautiful Baby Daughter was told yesterday on return from her school ski trip.

My poor little one was so shocked and upset, she was actually shaking and couldn't understand why she felt so cold, she has cried her little heart out. She can't articulate why she isn't happy about it, she just doesn't feel right about it.

The exmrauntiegwen has lived with her for the last 4 and a half years so I am only surprised it didn't happen sooner but the children have been massively upset by this.

So yesterday the children didn't go to stay with their dad as planned, my youngest daughter won't speak to her dad and spent most of the day crying on and off, my eldest went to stay at her boyfriends and my son went to a party and got very drunk.

I imagine there will be more to come. Thank you to Adventures in Reality for letting me steal this lovely photo to illustrate a less than lovely situation.

Once upon a time

A long time ago, in a town far away a young girl prepared for her Prince. She dressed in the finest white lace, a tiara in her hair, silk shoes and stockings on her feet and was driven to meet him in a vintage Rolls Royce. After being showered with rose petals and oohed and aahed over, she walked to the end of the aisle with her father at her side to where her Prince stood. She looked up at him, with tears on her cheeks and surrounded by family and friends she made a solemn oath in front of God to always love him.

Yesterday what remained of that young girl dressed head to toe in black walked down an alleyway with the jakeys and junkies and the great unwashed to the courthouse. She avoided beer cans and rubbish, went through a scanner, was searched and had her perfume removed. She went into a dingy room and waited on hard plastic municipal chairs. And then completely alone, she faced an anonymous court employee through a window, like she was buying stamps at the Post Office. She held a bible in her hand and swore an oath on it that the affidavit she'd brought was the truth. What remained of the young girl cried as the affidavit was stamped and filed to allow the decree nisi to be applied for and the fairy tale to be brought legally to an end.

She emerged into the pissing rain and went to the train station where her fairy godmother of a friend was there to love her. She spent the day warmed by the kind fairy godmother and her hatbox of special goodies and treats bought to cheer. Touched to her very core by the thoughtfulness and blessed that she has love.

And that she won't be alone because she has family and friends who love her.

Reasons I am a "failed grown up" tm The Beautiful Children

I am a disorganised Mummy and didn't check the schedule for the weekend.

I now have to be driving to Sheffield to buy gig tickets as part of a Christmas surprise for The Beautiful Son (don't trust anyone to post them as they may not be real) at the same time as taking Beautiful Baby Daughter to her Girls Brigade Church parade. She will now have to walk to church and as we all know that I am a horrible overcontrolling mummy I won't let her go on her own that means Eldest Beautiful Daughter will have to walk her and be my replacement. EBD's cup of joy runneth over at the thought of getting up and being in church with a hangover. BBD's cup of joy runneth over at having to get EBD up and out and grumpy at being there. I have pissed off both the daughters at the same time. I am too scared to tell them where and why I am going as it would piss them off even more that the recipient of such a hard to get treat will be snoring his fat head off in bed as opposed to walking the 20 mins to church in the rain. And you know it will be raining.

I got overexcited and didn't check dates

I spent most of last Friday morning and £160 buying Peter Kay concert tickets as part of The Beautiful Children's Christmas present. When I got the confirmation email I realised that they are for April 2011. Eldest Beautiful Daughter won't even be living here then. Happy Christmas, you have to wait 16 months to enjoy it.

General failure of life stuff

I have got to provide bank statements and credit card statements for the last year as part of my divorce. Hmm, enough said.

I have to count up all mine and the children's total cost of living, how much we spend on absolutely everything and I am scared to do that level of real maths. I can do shoe and handbag and nice lady things maths (I can spend £165 on these LK Bennett shoes or I can buy the £66 charcoal grey Kew longline cardie and the £85 black and plum leather Kew tote and a new Mac lipstick)

General I still behave like a teenager stuff

I am overgiddy with excitement because we have sublet one of our unused office rooms to the site managers from the buidling site next door. There are men in and out all day long. Surveyorie type men and builderie type men. There are lots and lots of men. In hard hats, with tool belts and in our kitchen being manly. I reek of DKNY woman, am wearing really nice clothes to work and my lipgloss application has tripled. The builderie and surveyorie type men all seem pleased to see me and pop up to my office to see if I want a cup of tea made for me. I am extremely enamoured of this type of office perk. Extremely.

Cheap Laughs

Would you like to hear what made your auntie laugh out loud in a slightly bitter and ironic fashion, for a long time in a "this is the real deal, I've had 3 kids and my pelvic floor's not what it was" kinda way?

Read on, for your auntie will lay a wee funny upon you, unselfish to my very core, public spirited to the last.

auntiegwen's solicitor " Can I ask if you have any plans to remarry?"

Insert ironic and slightly hysterical laughter accesorised by incredulous facial expression, the "You've gotta be kidding me" look here.

Abso feckin lutely, this divorce hasn't put me off men or marriage in the slightest. I can't wait to do it all again. I am an avid subscriber to "Bridezilla" and my omnipresent Pollyanna hasn't had a dent in her.

And I didn't even charge you the £165 it cost me to hear that.

What a gal.