Take your pick, let me know what you think is the worst, answers or shares of your own in the comments please
A - Someone who I met a few years ago said in a cheery tone "the last girl who did your job was Scottish too" and when I reassured them that it was actually me they were quite disbelieving and said "Oh no, she was a little slim thing, you're at least twice her size"
I am now on the 5 - 2 diet, I started today, it's a 500 calorie day and I am quite tetchy, I expect I will have to go to bed early, in the interests of family harmony.
B - My parents are coming for Christmas, they are staying for 12 days. I don't like anyone if I have to spend 12 days in close proximity to them whilst having to be a cheery hostess. I am also having to miss my wedding anniversary trip up North to stay at the hotel we got married in and am missing spending New Year with my friend Lou in Edinburgh. No one should visit you for 12 days when you have to look after them. NO ONE (in capitals for emphasis)
C - The Beautiful Son is working in Edinburgh on Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day, he will be getting squillions of cash for it but he won't be with me, I shall miss him muchly. I am also sad that he will be waking up on Christmas morning on his own, unless he gets lucky on Christmas Eve. I expect there are some girls left in Edinburgh who he hasn't met yet.
D - My job that I luff is going as part of a restructure, I will be able to apply for one of the new jobs but they aren't my job, that I luff. Did I mention that I luff my job?
That's plenty isn't it, there's more but who needs to read my whiney whiney poor me's.
Showing posts with label auntie gets called fat. Show all posts
Showing posts with label auntie gets called fat. Show all posts
Monday, 27 October 2014
Thursday, 25 March 2010
In which I struggle to find the correct response
It is a truth universally acknowledged that the auntie is usually in posession of a smart arse remark. It is both my blessing and my curse. Sometimes words just fail me though.
As I have just finished running a 9 week training course for work, at the end I have to perform exit interviews with the participants. Today I spent a lovely hour with a lady who is originally from Zimbabwe. She said to me...
"Oh you have such a lovely figure, such a beautiful big bottom and juicy thighs, you have such a good African body"
And she genuinely meant that as the highest praise, so I am thinking of buying a ticket to Africa, apparently I will be gorgeous there.
As I have just finished running a 9 week training course for work, at the end I have to perform exit interviews with the participants. Today I spent a lovely hour with a lady who is originally from Zimbabwe. She said to me...
"Oh you have such a lovely figure, such a beautiful big bottom and juicy thighs, you have such a good African body"
And she genuinely meant that as the highest praise, so I am thinking of buying a ticket to Africa, apparently I will be gorgeous there.
Monday, 10 August 2009
Things that have rendered me momentarily speechless
I know that according to the google searches that I am the queen of the comeback and I have been known to lob out an occasional smart arse remark. I, am however, sometimes completely lost for words. In this last week this has happened more than once, I am recovering nicely now though.
Male friend commenting on an old photo of me as a 15 year old
"I'd have shagged you."
ag - hoping he meant as a teenager himself and not now as a man of middle years. I am trying to be tactful here, in case he gets offended I originally wrote nearly 50.
John, friend of my parents we went to visit on Friday night
"Grace, I thought you said she'd lost a lot of weight? " "No, you did, you told me she was like a stick insect, she is not" "Ah, well, compared to her sister she is I suppose"
ag - I don't know who was more mortified, my mother or me, probably my mother, I thought she might have another stroke there and then. He did however pop round on Saturday to apologize, bringing me some roses as he knew he'd been tactless.
Text from my Beautiful Baby Daughter who is staying up in Scotland for a week with my parents (so is The Beautiful Son)
Jack said I touched his bum but I didn't and Nana called me a pervert, that was not nice
ag - I didn't think that would be a word my mum would use in general conversation never mind conversation with my children.
Gadget Mad Dad on return from a car boot sale on Sunday morning
"Picked myself up a wee laptop for £25, not got a charger but I've got a few out in the shed"
ag - this is a man who has an all singing all dancing computer that he replaces annually and still hardly uses it, what does he need a laptop for? This is a man who has just spent £15,000 yep that's right fifteen thousand pounds on premium bonds, he's not short of a bob or two, what is he buying an ancient old laptop at a car boot for ? and why in the name of all that's holy did he buy one that had no feckin charger?
Incidentally, he spent all of Sunday trying every charger in the house (yep, that included phone, electric shavers, all his power tools and even their wee black and decker dustbuster wee hoovery thing to pick up crumbs trying to fit into his bargain, no matter how many times I told him they wouldn't work, he would not admit defeat.
Male friend commenting on an old photo of me as a 15 year old
"I'd have shagged you."
ag - hoping he meant as a teenager himself and not now as a man of middle years. I am trying to be tactful here, in case he gets offended I originally wrote nearly 50.
John, friend of my parents we went to visit on Friday night
"Grace, I thought you said she'd lost a lot of weight? " "No, you did, you told me she was like a stick insect, she is not" "Ah, well, compared to her sister she is I suppose"
ag - I don't know who was more mortified, my mother or me, probably my mother, I thought she might have another stroke there and then. He did however pop round on Saturday to apologize, bringing me some roses as he knew he'd been tactless.
Text from my Beautiful Baby Daughter who is staying up in Scotland for a week with my parents (so is The Beautiful Son)
Jack said I touched his bum but I didn't and Nana called me a pervert, that was not nice
ag - I didn't think that would be a word my mum would use in general conversation never mind conversation with my children.
Gadget Mad Dad on return from a car boot sale on Sunday morning
"Picked myself up a wee laptop for £25, not got a charger but I've got a few out in the shed"
ag - this is a man who has an all singing all dancing computer that he replaces annually and still hardly uses it, what does he need a laptop for? This is a man who has just spent £15,000 yep that's right fifteen thousand pounds on premium bonds, he's not short of a bob or two, what is he buying an ancient old laptop at a car boot for ? and why in the name of all that's holy did he buy one that had no feckin charger?
Incidentally, he spent all of Sunday trying every charger in the house (yep, that included phone, electric shavers, all his power tools and even their wee black and decker dustbuster wee hoovery thing to pick up crumbs trying to fit into his bargain, no matter how many times I told him they wouldn't work, he would not admit defeat.
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