TMI

I have had to face up to an unwelcome truth today. As much as I try to avoid it with the copious amounts of anti wrinkle cream and the fashionable clothes and the vaguely youthful music, I am getting old.

This morning I noticed a grey hair, and it wasn't on my head.

Five Mile Friday

Do I feel good ? Oh yes, today for the first time in a year I ran for a full 5 miles. Shin splints, pah, I speet on your shin splints. God, I feel good.

Sex and the City, The Review

We met at 5.40. We drank cocktails, Kir Royale, Cosmopolitan and Ipanema Breeze were the chosen ones.

We arrived at the cinema, just in time for the 7pm start. I spent the next 2 hours in a blissed out state. It was fabulous. I cried at several parts. At the end the audience got up and clapped, I've never seen that before at a film.

After the film we went out to eat, we all had something in the film we could relate to. I really care about these characters and I was glad my really close friend Susan was with me as I was extremely tearful recognizing how I'd grown up with the 4 and how much my life had changed since 1998. A lot of the things in the film were dilemmas I ve had to deal with in my much less glamorous life.

It is simply a story of friendship and love. From the bottom of my heart, thank you to all of you who are my friends and thank you to those of you who love me.

Sex and the city day

It's here !!!!!!!!! At long last the day had arrived. Tonight myself and another 6 forty something women (I am the baby of the group) will get glammed up, go for cocktails and then go see THE film.

Cosmopolitan, anyone ?

Good luck

Sending love and luck to Anna and her Beautiful Man who got married today. This is third time lucky for both of them. I wish you the best of everything.

Newfie - Your blog has gone, I ve tried emailing you but that's been closed too. I hope that you're okay, I send you tons of love and you know where I am if you need me. Please just let me know you're ok.

Sending love and luck to those competing in the Lanzarote Ironman today. A massive test of physical fitness with a 4 KM open sea swim, followed by a 180KM cycle and finished off with a marathon. The ultimate challenge. I've been watching out for the Team Cherwell (kiss the badge) red and yellow and thinking of you.

I don't know if you'll ever read it but I still thought of you.

Priorities part deux

Just after I posted the first blog today, I read it back and the date surprised me. On May 19th 1987 I got engaged. Every year we celebrated the date of our engagement. This year even though I wrote the date several times yesterday, it didn't even register with me. How weird is that ? How far have I moved on ?

Priorities

Scene

This morning, day of the English Literature GCSE exam, my bedroom, Eldest Beautiful Daughter looking perturbed

mummy/auntiegwen, looking concerned," Don't worry darling, English is your best subject, you're going to be fine"

Eldest Beautiful Daughter, looking at self in mirror, thoughtfully, answers slowly "No, I don't like this handbag with my new hoody, but I don't have a pink or a grey one"

Well, that's ok then isn't it ?

My Weekend

Morning all. I've had a lovely weekend and hope you've had too. On Friday night I watched 2 episodes of Desperate Housewives and had a Marks and Spencer Raspberry and Strawberry Cheesecake, yum. In my jammies, like the crazy rock n roll mammy I am. Seriously I was completely alone and it was the best weekend night I've had in ages.

On Saturday, Eldest Beautiful Daughter and I went to Bicester and, boy, did we did shop. I bought a very swish Paul Smith top and a less swish but very me top from Jack Wills, EBD got a mahoosive hoody from Jack Wills, I swear it weighs more than she does. We bought half of Quiksilver for the upcoming birthday of The Beautiful Son.
Quote of the day from EBD " Oh you should get that, it's that sludgey grey colour you always wear" Makes me sound tres stylish, don't you think ?

Saturday night EBD went to see her friends band Subsist that were playing at The Shed and I went out to dinner, I had a better time on Friday, but no complaints.

I had masses of texts over the weekend and that always makes me happy.

On Sunday EBD and I walked down to Sainsburys and got the Sunday Times and nice nibbly bits for lunch, we came back, read the papers in the conservatory and then ate the nice lunch. We were in such a giggly mood which is nice as she's been very distracted with her GCSEs, but we have just decided to lie about the results. Like the official party line is that I own up to passing my driving test on the second attempt, my official weight is still 8 stone and I passed my maths o level first time round. We have decided that EBD will get 10 a* Gcse s which takes the pressure off a bit, don't you think ?

So wish my beautiful girl luck today as she sits her first Maths GCSE, maths, just like her mother before her, is her nemesis. She's gone off this morning without a protractor, I shamefully had to ask what it looked like when she asked me to help her find one, but I hope she can borrow one at school. So big big love to her as this will be the hardest of her 10 to get.

I know this is not a very exciting post or very funny but I am just so happy. I just want to record how thankful I am for the gift of her and I want to enjoy the short time I've got left with her as she'll not want to spend these kind of weekends with me for much longer. I'm very grateful for it.

You go girl, your mummy wuvs you

Feel Good Friday

Oh yes, said in the Churchill dog's accent. I love Fridays, I really do, my favourite day of the week. Today, I am particularly chipper. Porquoi ? I hear you ask

Ar school on Friday's we have Feel Good Friday, where if we pay £1 we can dress down. The money goes to our sister school in Africa, so you get to feel good about helping out a school who have so little and you get to wear your jeans (and we all know your sad auntie only likes to be in jeans or jammies)

I only teach till lunchtime, leaving the afternoon completely free for Starbucking, shopping, lunching or any kind of ing !!!!

After tea, my children will be going to stay with their other parent for the weekend ( this doesn't happen every Friday ) but nice when it does. And that's today.

So tonight I have an "empty" ......... score

Tomorrow, I am going on a wee trip to Bicester shopping village.

Tomorrow night I am off out on the town, that will probably follow the pattern of the last few jollies and the most fun I'll have will be the getting ready, but no worries.

On Sunday, I am going on a nice longish run as last night at running club I got a form to enter my very first race. Yes, that's right, your auntie, the least competitive woman in the world, is going to compete.

Hope whatever you do today makes you happy.

Rock n Roll

Last night The Beautiful Son came into my bedroom and said to me, quite seriously too, " You're up late, and you're still in your clothes!!! "

Readers, it was 10 to 10

Gives you a flavour of what a rock n roll lifestyle I have, usually in my jammies and in bed by 9.

Jealous now, aren't you ?

Raindrops on Roses

I have been tagged by Indigo16 aka Alison for this meme

Last movie you saw in the cinema - " Son of Rambow" last Friday evening with The Beautiful Son and Beautiful baby Daughter, he loved it.

What book are you reading - The Lollipop Shoes by Joanne Harris

Favourite board game - Trivial Pursuit, I am really good at that one

Fave magazine - I like Red, Eve and Scarlet

Fave smell - Babies, Crabtree and Evelyn Noel, DKNY woman, Armani code men, freshly baked bread, lemons and laundry thats been dried outside in the fresh air, especially newly laundered sheets when you get into bed

Favourite sounds - absolute silence, my children laughing, the noise my phone makes when I get a text, The Killers, Scottish and Irish accents, The Edge's voice

Worst feeling in the world - unrequited love

First thing you think of in the morning - coffee

Fave fast food place - are you kidding me ? Starbucks of course, silly

Future childs name - unlikely to happen but it would have been Grace Stephanie for a girl and either Finlay or Ellis for a boy

Finish this statement " If I had a lot of money I'd..... travel the world, have better shoes, get my teeth staightened, and set up an orphanage and a school in Africa, I would so love to cuddle black babies all day long

Do you sleep with a stuffed animal - no, I am a grown up

Storms scary or cool - always cool

Fave drink - Lanson Rose champagne, Oyster Bay merlot, venti skinny latte, venti skinny coffee light frappucino, a pint of sparkling water after my run, coffee I didn't have to make myself

If you could die your hair any colour what would it be - prob black with fuschia tips

Name all the places you've lived - Glasgow, Edinburgh, Leicestershire and part time in Hisaronu, Turkey

Fave sports to watch - Scotland playing rugby, TBS's team playing rugby

Nice things about the person who tagged you - uberstylish, talented, thought provoking, creative - thy name is Alison

Would you want to be born as yourself again - no, I've done me, I'd like a new person please

Morning person or night owl - I'm an afternoon girl really

Favourite place to relax - oh easy, my terrace with the fabulous view of Babadag mountain in Turkey, anywhere in Scotland and in England either my bed or my sofa

Favourite ice cream flavour - rum and raisin


This meme is open to anyone that would like to have a go, I'd be interested to know your responses

Yesterday

Yesterday

I did have my hair cut, please see photo and tell me if you like the shortest hair I have had in years.

I demented Eldest Beautiful Daughter by making her take several photos of me as I want to get a wee picture of me beside my name when I comment, I still can't do that, please tell me how to.

I went to a hen night and was the most sober there by a gazillion miles ( and I had 3 glasses, you'll hear more of that later)

I sorted out a lovers tiff by making someone on the corresponding stag do, text his girlfriend ( I had to speak to him on the phone as I was the most sober one there)he had not told her he's arrived in Newcastle and she was feeling a bit teary and neglected.

I spent 45 minutes with a very tearful woman talking her out of ending it all, she tried to run out into the road and I had to get her back, poor poor thing she was so unhappy, mixed with shed loads of alcohol, lethal combination. I went to the loo and when I came back she was enthusiatically snogging some random bloke !

Even though I was the most sober one there, I agreed to join my marathon running friend and the bloke she runs with (he owns the restaurant we were in) in running the Berlin Marathon in 18 months time. Oh yes, I can stretch my 3 miles into 26, nae bother to your auntie, completely do able....

See what happens when I go out, Jesus, Mary and Holy Saint Joseph, I really am much better off at home, much less eventful.

Miss, I don't get it

Every bloody Wednesday afternoon, that's what I get from my year 13 A level group, the plaintive " Miss, I don't get it". I am truly stunned at the lack of depth these students have. I can only conclude, sadly, that either I was a 18 year old genius or exams are getting easier and teenagers are getting more stupid.

This module we are doing is on understanding human behaviour and we cover the big 6 theories of development. I have to teach Eysenck's Biological theory. I was telling them that he was a Jewish sympathiser who had to leave Germany due to the Nazis ( neatly linking in with Tajfel's social identity theory and Allport on prejudice and how it can lead to ethnic cleansing and genocide), I know, I know, you're riveted too. Then I get, quite seriously too....

" Miss, what's a Nazi ? "

There were 4 students in my group who had no idea what World War 2 was about, never heard of Auchwitz, Dachau or other concentration camps, no idea who Hitler was, just that they'd heard the name, no idea of Kristallnacht or the forced wearing of The Star of David, some didn't even know what it was. So before I could even start on old Hans and his theory, I had to do a diet lesson on WW2.

Now, Eysenck had a theory about personality, there's a test I had them do on line. I spent the whole lesson explaining words that included - dwell, brood, dominant, submissive, melancholy. That's the ones I can remember and then the killer question that flummoxed a 19 year old student

I respect authority

" Miss, I don't get it " to which I very sweetly replied " Of course, you don't sweetie, it's harder than colouring in isn't it ?"

If this student didn't have an offer of a university place, it wouldn't be so worrying.

Tag, I'm it

Your mission should you choose to accept it is,

1. Pick up the nearest book.
2. Open to page 123
3. Find the fifth sentence.
4. Post the next three sentences.
5. Tag five people, and acknowledge who tagged you

Okay, never let it be said that you don't get value for money with your auntie. As I am in my usual position of prone on my bed with the laptop, the nearest book to me was on my bedside table, there were 3 on top of one another, so I shall give you the extract from all 3.

Something had to be done, although he had no notion of what that something might be, and he stared, stricken, at the doctor's wife as she put her hand to her throbbing head and moaned. He might be stupid, but he knew what this meant. Calamity was coming.

Taken from " The Thirteenth Tale " by Diane Setterfield.

Sleep can do that to you - erase the most important thing from your mind. Iris listens, straining for sound. Nothing.

From " The Vanishing Act of Esme Lennox " by Maggie O' Farrell.

And now Yanne Charbonneau was watching me in a fearful silence that spun and spun like a silk cocoon. I could have said, well, that was lucky, or just just put back the dish without a word, but it was now or never, I told myself. Strike at once, while resistance is low.

From "The Lollipop Shoes" by Joanne Harris.


I would like to thank Indigo16 aka Alison for this, and please don't apologise for tagging me, I never mind in the slightest, unlike the Edge who I think has only done 1 tag in living memory.

I know some of you have already done this but I would like to tag anyone who's interested, I'd love to know what you're all reading. Yes that means you, TF, Karen, Gwen, Katie, Flick, Mob and Lena all in the UK. Also Newfie ( in Canada) and Lisa and Craze in the US of A,are you reading very different stuff over the pond ?
See me, see my blog, .... international.

(ps, that last bit was tongue in cheek, just in case you thought I was getting a bit full of myself, which is a cardinal sin where I come from !!!)

Uh oh

Oh no, I've done it now. Your auntie who has been ultra scathing about team building games has got to facilitate such a team building day.

In the past I have been less than complimentary about the value of getting people to blow a jelly baby around a table with a straw. Now I've got to sort out a whole day of such stuff.

Help, please... What the feck will I do with them, for a whole day !!!!!!

Glasvegas goes to Glastonbury

Just read the leaked list of who's appearing at this years Glastonbury. My new favourite band name ?

Glasvegas

How good is that ? even if they were pants (and they're so not), they have the coolest name ever ! Ah, you can't keep a good Weegie down !! They're supporting Muse at Marlay Park in Dublin the week before I see The Killers there, ah I feel a week of partying in my mother's Mother Country coming on.....

ps for the foreign readers a Weegie, is a shortened form of Glaswegian, who is a native inhabitant of the glorious mad city that is Glasgow.

It's Been a Hard Two Days

Please send your auntie some vitual love.I have had some trouble the last few days.

The pictures you can see are of The Beautiful House, it's our holiday villa/kid's inheritance/pension fund.
I had some guests arrive on Monday night but they had no hot water, there is a leak in the solar tank on the roof.
Here we go again, last year was a veritable merry go round of repairs, so I authorise the repair at the cost of 500 big ones. Then I get told there is no water in the pool, many many emails are flying between myself and the agents who are paid shed loads of money to deal with such issues as I am thousands of miles away. The agents say I did not tell them to fill the pool, I just told them to get the villa ready for the guests and collect them from the airport !!!! Silly me, why would the guests want the pool filled up ?
Aaaargh...

Then I find out that the venue I have been using for the last 6 years to run my parenting classes is cutting my slots by half and increasing my rent by £20 to £50 for a 2 hour slot.
Aaaargh...

Then I have to attend a meeting at 9 am this am, which means I have to get up early to fit in the run, I'm out the house by 7.25 to run, it's raining and me no likey the rain :( I get home, shower and change, drive to work, can't get a parking space, eventually get parked (creatively but miles away), walk in rain to meeting, am 15 minutes late, find meeting has been postponed, get back to car, still raining and find I have been stickered for my creative parking.
Aaaargh...

Then I have a nice bit where I find reasonably priced flights to the villa for half term, oh goody, kids will have to miss 1 day of school ( it's a Monday where I don't teach) then realise Eldest Beautiful Daughter has a Maths GCSE that day, now we can't go, as she can't be left home alone for 7 hours never mind 7 days.
Aaaargh...

Now I am going to reframe this in a positive way,

I am lucky enough to have a roof over my head never mind a holiday villa.

The hot water tank didn't damage any of the villa, it got fixed and guests were only without hot water for 1 day. The pool got filled immediately and I can offer to refund some of their money for the inconvenience. It's fixable.

I can just about afford the increase and today I looked at alternative venues that will be not quite so good but def cheaper.

Because I am at school anyway I decide to use the time effectively. I went into our staff office (for the very first time ever, and I've been working there since September) and I did loads of lesson prep with nice colour handouts and all kinds of stuff. My head of department came in and I had the 2nd conversation ever with them and it was really good. I've been promised more training and they gave me a desk, a drawer in the filing cabinet and told me to help myself to stationery, free board pens and post it notes, how good is that ?

I can go out to the villa in the summer, the exams will be over and we can just relax.

A few years ago, these kind of stresses would have reduced me to tears and I'd have lain awake at night worrying about them but after all that's happened since 2006 I've realised it's not good to sweat the small stuff. I really am much more able to see the positives in situations now. Pollyanna is definitely shitting herself

Waiting for The Beautiful Happiness

I was bumping my gums last week about being boring and the " is this it? " type angst than I can be prone to. Now I know that I am the only one who can change the script so with that in mind I did do sumfin bout it.

In the last week

I did join a running club, yes I did, I did run 3 times, now don't I deserve a medal ? I met 2 really nice women and have felt very virtuous all week, including when I ate a Marathon bar, yes I know they're called Snickers now but I'm of an age.

I did go for drinks with a man, I did not like it, I thought I was being brave and getting out there and yes, I do trust my friend who arranged it, yes he was ok but I am not going to date just for the sake of it, and I do take your point that I am far too fussy and no one is perfect but there was no spark and I'm not going to waste his time and my lipgloss on it. Enough said.

I did go to a birthday party on Saturday night, I drank pink champagne and danced. I was chatted up by boys, what is wrong with me? boys under 25 and men over 60 love me, it's just the 40 something ones I struggle with. I was fairly seriously pursued by a 22 year old and even a 19 year old had a good crack at me. I've got tea towels older than that. I just wanted to give them career advice, I could no more flirt back with them than I could support the England rugby team.

I know I'll sound really judgemental but there were grown up women there who really were old enough to know better, it's a fine line between being youthful/game for a laugh and sad old slapperdom. On arrival a 50 something Grandma, bent over and lifted her dress up, flashing her thong, I generally just say hello, she also greeted the young lads there by rubbing their faces in her ample bosom, which just looked motherly as opposed to perky. She was trying to fit in with a much younger crowd, when I spoke to her later, she's had such a sad romantic history and seemed like a really nice person, she's just so scared of being on her own. When I left, she had teamed up with a cross hybrid of Rod Stewart and Peter Stringfellow who was definitely was of an age with her, they seemed happy enough.

My friend who is dating a really lovely guy (who wasn't there) spent a fair ammount of time face sucking and bum feeling someone 20 years her junior. This was despite a team talk in the ladies from me about how happy her relationship makes her. Now being fair I was the soberest one there and my friend was fairly drunk, she kept telling the 25 year old she couldn't give him babies, I kept thinking, he doesn't want a relationship, he just wants emptied, he tried it on with me when she went to the loo and on hearing my refusal asked me what the best way to "nail" my friend was. A real charmer, eh ? I absolutely made sure she went home with me, in the taxi I asked her why and she said she just wanted to keep her options open ?!? Should you be snogging strangers in tacky clubs when you're with someone ?

I spent the night feeling like I was a Wee Free Minister, I had the sour puss look off to perfection. Okay it's hardly Sodom and Gomorrah but it's just not my idea of fun and it's not what I want. I may be fussy and I may not get perfection but in my life I've been damn close to it and I am so not going to settle. One day I will have The Beautiful Happiness again.

My Big Brave Boy

After school today I was in the conservatory talking to a student on the phone, see I am so nice my adult learners have my number and can ring me for help.

There was a really loud banging on the front door followed by someone coming in and yelling "Hello", I know this is one of the many matey boys who befriend the Eldest Beautiful Daughter but I'm busy so I ignore it, they come in, help themself to a biscuit, look for EBD, fail to find her and then leave.

About 15 minutes later I go upstairs to find The Beautiful Son, the door banging and shouting scared him so much, he's locked himself in the loo !!! He thought we were being burgled, so my bigger than me, rugby playing son just left me to fend for myself and locked himself away. Burgled, would you give yourself peace !!!

Big wuss

Mixed Up Mummy

I am trying very very hard to be happy, sometimes that's easier said than done.I operate a policy of trying to find a positive in every situation. On the plus side in the last week the following good things appeared

I GOT 2 TICKETS TO SEE THE KILLERS IN DUBLIN
The staff room at work got a cappucino machine, free cappucino's at work, how good is that ?!?!

Things I am trying to reframe to a more positive note

My life is extremely boring, I am heading towards middle age and I fear I am becoming very dull. Suggestions on a postcard please

Welcome to my world

I just could not resist this. It has to be the funniest thing I've seen for ages. Much kudos to The Beautiful Son for finding this. You know the drill, just click on the wee thingy.

The Killer's in Dublin

OH MY GOD

I love my readers, I really really love you

The Killers in Dublin, how good is that ?

I didn't even know that they were playing in Dublin, then God Bless Anonymous, I could kiss you.

I mean, Dublin, that's nearly as good as seeing them in The Mother Country.

From the bottom of my heart, thank you, one last little query, is there one site that's safer than another ? There are several that are selling tickets and I ve never bought from a ticket touty type thing before. Also is it worth spending an extra £15 per ticket on front standing or just go for general admission ?

The only little downer, the person I would like most to see them with won't be with me :(

So, I'm going to buy 2 tickets, would you like to come with me ? Please ? It'll be a birthday treat for me, go on, you know you want to....

Mission (please be) possible ?

Now who loves their auntie ? I hardly ever ask you for anything, really I don't but this time I am imploring you to help me.

I desperately, desperately need to see The Killers, I want this more than ANYTHING in my life. (Even more than what I was moaning about on Friday, Edge, and I wanted that a lot !!!)They are playing only at the Reading and Leeds Festival 22nd to 24th August. They are playing Reading on the Sat and Leeds on the Sunday, I don't care which one, I would just love to see them. I tried really really hard to get tickets but didn't manage it. I just cannot afford to pay more than £100 for a day ticket and I need at least 2 but pref 3. I can't afford the ebay route.

I can do trades or swapsies, I could live with 1 kidney but I really need to keep all 3 of the beautiful children. I have a gorgeous holiday villa in Turkey that I could let you have rent free as a swapsie, I would even consider sexual favours if you're handsome and 41 year old women float your boat. I will do your laundry, clean your house, sleep train your baby or toddler tame your child, if it's legal I ll give it a go !!!

If you know of anyone who has a spare ticket ( I know it's unlikely but I've got to explore every possibility) please think of me and the Beautiful Eldest Daughter and The Beautiful Son. They are poor wee deprived emo's. So if you're one of the chosen few, don't take your partner, take me, I'll be entertaining, do all the driving (you might have to navigate though !), do anything you want me to do.

Oh okay, I promise not to sing.

Ps - in a shameless plea for sympathy, Beautiful Baby Daughter has just started learning the trumpet, she's very keen, practices a lot and it's very very loud. Go on feel sorry for me, take me to see the pretty Brandon Flowers. Make me happy.

No Sex in Suburbia

Well, can you believe it ? I am sat here ala Carrie from Sex and The City, writing this very post on my laptop on my bed !!! Yes I now have wireless all sorted, to be fair I had to buy a new pc to support this, but hey I now have the joy of being able to ramble on whilst sat around in my bra. Incidentally, why did she always do that? it's a wee bit chilly for your auntie but hey if it's good enough for Carrie...

What a gas job that Carrie's must be, just writing about how weird men are, I mean how easy is that ? Never let it be said that I am an unfair woman, I will say now that there are at least 3 men that I like and I'm only related to 2 of them !I know it's a cheap shot to snipe at them but fairly safe to , on this blog as I think it is an overwhelmingly female readership.

Off I go now to see Christina so we can have a real old pop at the poor wee scones and as always update our celebrity shag list, mine is pitiful at the mo so feel free to drop me some suggestions.

Just to whet your appetite, click on the nice wee thingybob and have a sneaky peek at the movie that I am SOOOOOOOOOOOOO looking forward to. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZ5UyFLJcCc

Want to come with me ?

The Mother Country

I wish I could do something clever and blast you out a bit of prime Scottish music to signify that I am in The Mother Country. Had a really good journey today and when I crossed the border into Gretna Green the sun was shining, always so good to be home.

My gadget mad dad has bought yet another wide screen tv and this one is ENORMOUS, he has also bought a laminator( porqoui ?) but the most bizarre purchase of all is ( in the interests of fairness I don't know who is responsible, it could be either one of my mad parents) they have bought a mirrored toilet seat !

No, I had no idea that such things existed either, is there a site called badtaste.com or moremoneythanyouknowwhattodowith.com or spenditbeforeyougo.com. ?

I did ask why (after being fairly startled on a visit to the loo) and I was told it was chrome and was to match the other accessories. well, fair enough.

I am going to take a photo of this toilet seat and post it at a later date as I don't have a camera connection whojaflip with me at my mammy's.

Glasgow ex European city of culture, now home of the mirrored toilet seat, it's great to be home