Please may I have....

It's my birthday on Tuesday, I am going to be 21 AGAIN, how weird is that I am actually coming to the end of my 2nd 21 years.

Usually I've got an idea of what I want for my birthday, it's fair to say it usually involves jewellery of the silver colour (Tiffany is the drug of choice)and I am partial to a new handbag (Prada, please) but I've no particular covet this year but feel free to surprise me.

What I would really really like is

My house to be properly cleaned from top to bottom (windows, cupboards, under the beds, oh horror of horrors...the oven !!)

My ongoing Rarpa file to be done and sent back (very boring paperwork file that will take me 10 hours to do as I have ignored it for the whole year instead of doing it as I went along)

My tax return to be filled in and dealt with, I have to fill in a self assessment, a foreign and an employed section and the calculations on how many nights I personally have spent in the villa makes me need a big drink.

My divorce to be filed

My pile of clothes that are awaiting going to the dry cleaners, being hemmed, having buttons sewn back on etc etc being dealt with

The inevitable back to school shopping hell done for me

I would like my neck kissed thoroughly and then all the way down my spine

I would like breakfast in bed

After reading this back, I now realise that what I would like for my birthday is someone to help me do all the things in my life I can't be arsed to do for myself. I know what they're called, in fact I used to be one before I retired. What I am looking for, my dear reader, is a wife !!!!!

Any takers ?

Well, that's me told, again

The Beautiful Son was extremely bored yesterday. Mates away on holiday, had done his alloted time span on runescape, had had his 2 meals and 3 snacks and an afters and it was still only half past 1.

" Miss Marmee ( this is his name for me this week, last week it was Angus, so I'm quite pleased at the upgrade), will you do something with me ?"

I have a whole house to clean, a pile of ironing that would frighten the French (my mum always said that, why, and why am I now saying it?) and I still haven't done my end of course paperwork that was due in on July 10th but yet I still spend hours every day on blogger, procrastination thy name is Gwen. So fair to say, I'm not tremendously enthusiastic about "doing something" with TBS as I am a lazy bag and suffering from a huge nasty dose of "can't be arsedness". But I am a Mummy and that is why I took him to see The Dark Knight on Wednesday, because as always, their needs are met before mine.

TBS decides we should play chess. I am very bad at chess, I always have to be kept in the game as I forget which bits move sideyways and how many squares I can go. At this house we have Simpsons chess but at our holiday house we have regular and I get my Marge and Homers mixed up with knights and castles. So in effect, TBS ends up playing himself at chess. He keeps me in the game by telling me where to move etc. After a fairly boring 45 minutes of this he remarked in a very casual manner " Jeez, it's not for the faint hearted this !"

Again, that's me told.

Romantic Gestures

In Starbucks yesterday the nice wee man who made my drink put a heart into the foam. Aawh, the nice.

Last night my email bicker reached entente cordiale with a spot of late night texting. I didn't even complain that he'd woken me up. I was made nice to by his affirming that despite the grumpfest there is still no one else he'd rather take to see Glasvegas. So a nice normal Pollyanna would have returned the sentiment but me, oh no, I have to have the last word (Ok, I fess up, that is where Beautiful Baby Daughter gets it from) and I reply that to be fair I had good reason to be grumpy.

I then receive a text saying and I quote "it's not just a band, not just a gig and not just a ticket, it's a fecking ROMANTIC GESTURE ! So there x "

Well, that's me told.

Doubled in Value

I haven't mentioned my running for a while but I am running fairly well at the moment. Back in May I went to a hen night and I met my friend's running partner, a nice man who has now become my partner, in preparation for the marathon I hope to run.

What he gets out of this arrangement I don't know as I hold him back, whine, procratinate and behave like a teenager. He does all the work, reads running books, sets routes and does spreadsheet things, he even sometimes brings me homemade Bailey's cheesecake as it's my favourite, he is truly a sweet, sweet man. He is extremely polite and has the poshest voice ever and he calls me "Dahling" and it sounds like that, I completely take the mickey out of him for being so English and he is beginning now to overcome his natural gentlemanly traits, his shyness and reserve and is trying to banter back with me.

So how do I repay this lovely, lovely man for all his hard work. Easy, on my trip back to The Mother Country I buy a car bumper sticker of the Saltire. I drive to his house and put it on the back of his Mini. His little pet peeve is people putting stickers on their car. I am hysterical at the thought of him driving around and not knowing it's there, a double whammy, the sticker and the fact he's so ultra English. Of course, sad article that I am, I photograph it and blog it. My problem is I think I am really funny.

He found it today ! He's told me that revenge is a dish best served cold, I wonder if tomorrow I'll wake up and find a St George's Cross painted on the front of my house ?

Pollyanna says sorry

I am called Pollyanna by the person I am currently arguing with, it usually describes me fairly well, however the person I'm arguing with may beg to differ.
This is my penance for being so incredibly bad tempered. I will own up very publicly to being not always nice. I can present myself any which way on this blog and I should let people know that I am and have been a total bitch to you, so I'm sorry

I was bought a ticket to see Glasvegas and instead of making nice, I continued in a spot of low level bickering which frankly is stupid in a woman my age.Not even face to face bickering, not even bickering on the phone, oh no, your auntie has been on a nasty email type bicker, I am so unbelievably teenagerish and not in a good way. This ticket was bought for me as a way of someone making nice to me over a misunderstanding which has been festering and I threw my rattle out of the pram.

There was a very nasty email I sent in which I think the worst bit was

I'm tired, I'm grumpy and I just can't be arsed, it just seems too much like hard work.


Then the reply comes

I could sell it but you are right, there honestly is no one else I'd rather see them with and I was so pleased to spot the gig early and get the tickets. I thought that would mean a lot to you. And its very cool to go and see new bands at our age.

When I got your email last night I thought of an Arctic Monkeys song and here are the lyrics.

Well now then Mardy Bum
I've seen your frown
And it's like looking down the barrel of a gun
And it goes off

Oh there's a very pleasant side to you
A side I much prefer
It's one that laughs and jokes around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on

Well now then Mardy Bum
Oh I'm in trouble again, aren't I
I thought as much try haredr
Cause you turned over there
Pulling that silent disappointment face
The one that I can't bear

Can't we, laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Oh, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on

And yeah I'm sorry I was late
well I missed the train
And then the traffic was a state
And I can't be arsed to carry on in this debate
That reoccurs, oh when you say I don't care
but of course I do, yeah I clearly do!

So laugh and joke around
Remember cuddles in the kitchen
Yeah, to get things off the ground
And it was up, up and away
Still, but it's right hard to remember
That on a day like today when you're all argumentative
And you've got the face on

I particularly like the "can't be arsed" line because I've heard that somewhere before.

Then, as if by magic, between 17.42 and 21.14 yesterday Pollyanna returned. Thank God because I really like her. Who the hell was that scary other woman who took over your yahoo account ?

We can't all be open books but we can all make an effort to try harder.

And I loved the pic, thanks. So I might even call your number tomorrow if you promise to put Pollyanna on.

x
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------<

Just another Saturday

I got the underground into Glasgow city centre to meet the Edge. I was the only one in the carriage. It was half past 2 in the afternoon and there on the seat in front of me was an empty bottle of Buckfast. How bad does your Saturday morning need to be to deserve a whole bottle of Buckfast ?

Anyway, I meets the Edge and we went to Starbucks, of course, I completely ripped him for his 4 shot extra hot Caramel Macciato, but being a lady I did refrain from commenting on his fully Pringled up attire, and we spent hours there just musing on our lives and people watching.

Who'd have thought you could have so much fun sober, with all your clothes on and without a funny shaped stick in your hand ?

Musings from my Mammies

Well, I've crossed the border once again and am at home, at my mammies in The Mother Country.

All's well here, I've been visiting family and eating my body weight in Empire Biscuits, which, truth be told, I'm getting a wee bit sick of now.

The Beautiful Mother aka my mammie continues to try and over please at every turn. She waits on us hand and foot and has a fridge and cupboards full of all kinds of goodies. If she offers you something and you accept, she then tries to give you something else as well, a bit like " Would you like a biscuit with your coffee ?", "You would, lovely, well, could you go a wee Danish pastry with it as well ?" she offered me chips with my soup yesterday, I wondered if she was going to float them in my bowl ! If you enjoy something she immediately offers to make it again for you, " Oh I'm glad you enjoyed that darling, would you like another one ?" it's just as well I don't live here, I'd be twice the size.

My gadget mad dad continues to be gadget mad, he has bought another computer and to keep his Ipod Nano company, he had bought an Ipod touch, as you do !

I was shopping today in Buchanan Galleries with Eldest Beautiful Daughter and I met a fellow blogger for the first time, the lovely Laura, fellow Sharleen aficionado, it was brilliant to see you Laura, I was hoping you'd be at work and I hope the next time, we'll go for a wee refreshment to match our blether. I now know what you mean about John Lewis customers though. Just after that EBD and I were looking at clothes when this nice lady started chatting with us, this happens a lot in Glasgow, never where I now live in middle England, but at home people just chat with you. This was a nice lady and we chatted for a few minutes and she said " can I ask you something?" , " Sure" says us, " Do you know that Jesus loves you ?" says the wee lady, she them proceeds to tell us about Jesus before giving us a hug and a kiss each and sends us on our way.

I just love this kind of randomness, never happens anywhere else, just at home.

We then go into Boots and are approached by another lady who says " Excuse me, can I ask you something? " well, me and EBD are on the floor laughing and we fair confused the woman who wanted our opinion on what sunglasses suited her face best, so we spent 10 minutes helping her choose her sunglasses and off she went all happy. God I love this country.

Eldest Beautiful Daughter has gone off to Edinburgh to stay her friend and I'm off to eat at least 42 different offerings from my mammie.

It's soooooooooooooooooooooooooooo great to be home, even if it hasn't stopped feckin raining.

ps I can't take the credit for this bit of graffiti or even the photo. IT God assures me he drove (in his BMW) to a really dodgy area, risking life and limb to capture this for me. He also says he was asked by a passing policeman if everything was ok !

Gifted and Talented

I got home from work to find these in my fridge. The Beautiful Son went to Sainsbury's and bought me a kg of Roses chocolates for my birthday in 2 weeks time. How many times a day do I go into the fridge?
Did he think I wouldn't notice ?
Yes, this is the son that was identified as being Gifted and Talented.

This is why despite severe mental torture, I really, really love my children !

I'm off to The Mother Country in the morning, so I'll see you when I get back.

Humans in Training

Now, you all know how much I love The Beautiful Children but I have to confess that they rely on me just slightly less than when they were babies. I am at their beck and call 24 hours per day. No matter what I am doing, if they need something, they just interrupt me with a plaintive "Mummeeeeeeee, I need you to...." They will shout from one end of the house to the other for me, I don't respond to shouting so then they will text me or call my mobile asking for grapes to be fed to them or some other such nonsense. No one except me can find any feckin thing in this house. My family lose things a lot.

They think nothing of waking me up to ask me to find something, last Saturday Beautiful Baby Daughter woke me up before 7 to ask me where her majorette stick was. I then had to get up and watch her twirl to some very brain addling pop music for 20 minutes and that was before my coffee. She loves to put on shows for me, sometimes I get them twice daily. No matter what I'm doing, if she needs something she has to come first. Last week I looked after my friends baby and BBD accused me of not paying her and her dancing any attention, I was pushing a baby in a swing !!! She gets very cross if I'm on the phone, she demands to know who I'm talking to and she says things like " you never do anything with me" That's because I'm too busy finishing all the jobs I leave undone as I keep getting interrupted.


Eldest Beautiful Daughter has rang and rang and rang during lessons convincing me that I need to answer the phone as some disaster has surely befallen her only to find she is looking for her skinny jeans. She constantly needs driving places and she says things like "but you want me to be safe, Mummy" and I'm always taking her to buy shoes, that child goes through Converse like you wouldn't believe. I spend a disproportionate amount of time sorting clothes out for her, her laundry load is phenomenal. She has the attention span of a house fly and if there are no matey's around I get the "I'm bored Mummy, entertain me" and she talks nonsense at me till my ears bleed.

The Beautiful Son rings and texts me constantly asking if he's allowed anything else to eat, this is an omnipresent worry for him. He's no sooner finished eating one meal and he's looking for his "afters" or his snack and God help me if I say we're having brunch, he looks at me like I've just kicked a puppy. Amalgamation of meals is something his little brain is unable to comprehend. This boy likes 3 meals per day, 2 with afters and at least 4 snacks. He also has real difficulties in finding things and is getting slightly obsessed with doors being locked (since EBD mad mate came in shouting and TBS locked himself in the loo cos he thought we were being burgled) and he accompanies me round the house at night to ensure it's locked, he also doesn't like to be downstairs on the computer on his own, so I have to sit there till he's finished before I can go to bed. He also likes to be asleep before me. He likes to go to bed at 11, I like to go at 9.30 ( I've got an early morning majorette show) so I am now perpetually knackered.

This is in addition to the 5 courses I teach and all the prep for that, I do all the washing, cooking (ok, heating up), cleaning, shopping, ironing, driving and anything else that needs doing.I could also do a spot of United Nations peace keeping as I am constantly refereeing between them. They often ask me which one I love the most, each child thinks a different one is the favourite. TBS used to ask which one I'd save first if there was a fire ( what goes on in my kid's brains ?) but stopped after EBD said it would be him as he's too stupid to get himself out. God, is it any wonder I've got grey hair ?

My week without the weans got down graded to Fri and Sat night without them, so EBD went on Thurs night and came back on Sunday afternoon, TBS and BBD went on Fri night and came back Tues afternoon so all the things I'd planned to do to the blog didn't get done, aw well, there's always next year.

ps yesterday I was so feckin demented with their wants I recorded a new voicemail message which I think put my point across quite well, so ring me and have a listen.

Decisions, Decisions

As my nearest and dearest will tell you I am chronically and terminally indecisive. It's just as well I'm a vegetarian as if I had a whole menu to choose from it would take me weeks, the 1 or 2 veggie options suit me quite well, thank you very much.

In the list of decisions I have got to make in the next few weeks, I'll let you have the easy one

What the feck am I going to do with my life ?

Should I be brave and take a chance, be a bit reckless and try and make some happiness for myself ? Or should I revert to Mummy mode, keep the peace and put their happiness and needs above mine

I don't need to add the again for any mummies reading this.

Curse words, tell off's and come backs

I've been tagged by Cheekie for my 3 all time faves of the above, she is expecting good things of me as I am an ex punk, please remember that I am also an ex catholic so the guilt thing is HUGE and also that I am pretty much, a good girl, I'm only bad enough to be interesting. So...

3 most often used curses
Jesus, Mary and Holy St Joseph

Feck and feckin (sometimes in moments of high agitation it becomes feckity, feckity, feck and only under extreme duress does it become fuck or fuckity,fuckity,fuck)

Shag and shagging (used to describe sex and also as in I'm so shagging tired, not from actual shagging sadly, apologies TMI part trois)



3 Tell off's - now we're talking, I'm the very woman you want for that, not only a mummy but a teacher too, watch and learn...

Would you give yourself peace

Of course you don't understand it, sweetie, it's harder than colouring in isn't it ?

No, because I am a grown up



3 come backs

Did you hear that ?, yep, definitely taxi for auntiegwen (I usually use my surname for this one, it works better, but if I had, you'd know who I was)

It's not your fault, you weren't blessed and born Scottish like me

Your mum or your face (beloved of teenagers over here) or best of all yer arse in as Glaswegian an accent as you can make it.


Apologies to any of my readers of a more sensitive disposition especially if you're reading this before your coffee, the Edge has developed a habit of presenting me with TMI before my coffee, it does make the start of the day interesting though.

Please feel free to have a go, as usual Edge, you're exempt

MILF ?

As some of you know I am a teacher at the school Eldest Beautiful Daughter attends. When I started there last year I was a bit worried about how she'd feel but it's been surprisingly good fun.

I'm not a cross, shouty type teacher, I'm probably far too laid back with them but by and large I get on really well with my students. The more acerbic of my colleagues will say that's because I have the mental capacity and maturity of a teenager, I just think it's because I genuinely enjoy children and teenagers company.

I have over the course of the year developed a wee fan club, a lot of it is to wind up EBD, which it does but I have some wee boys who hang around waiting to talk to me who don't even know the EBD, it's a bit strange but wee boys and old men have always loved me, it's the 40 something one's I struggle with, and that's a shame as that's my target market so to speak.

Quite often EBD will tell me what these wee boys say about me and I have a great laugh about it as all who know me know I would really struggle to date someone even 3 years younger than me and my ideal would be 3 years older than me, so I find it all quite amusing, why would they fancy someone old enough to be their mum when there are all these nubile young lovelies about, whit's that aw aboot ? (TM Edge)

EBD was at a party on Sunday night and was getting a bit grossed out about what these 18 years old wanted to do to me and then a nice boy came up to her and said quite earnestly " I don't have a crush on your mum, I think you're better looking"

She replied " Thanks, I think "

See, she's got good genes, that girl.

A Great Big Thank You

I would like to say thank you to everyone who visits here.

My blog has been one of the most fun things I have ever done in my life. It has provided me with interaction with adults whilst being at home with the children. It has allowed me to try and clarify my thoughts and feelings. It's given me the chance to share the little funny things that the children have done that you would normally share with your partner. I hope that when they are older and they do read this, they will see just how essential they are to me, just as the air that I breathe is and how much they are loved. I've had insight into other people's views and opinions. I've been privileged enough to see into other people's lives and enjoy their ups and try and see them through their downs. I've made friends from all over the world. I've learned, I've laughed and cried too but for me it has been an overwhelmingly positive experience.

I know of people who have been given written warnings at work because of their blog even though they haven't mentioned it by name, I've seen nasty comments written on posts and I've seen people profoundly hurt by blog/real life cross over. I've been very fortunate in that my experience has been so good but I think that is the case for most of us bloggers.

My blog/real life cross over is limited, my children don't read it, my ex husband doesn't know I do it, I think some friends know I have it but have not been sufficiently interested to read it. So I only have a few people who know the regular me and the blog me, I have my mate the Edge who has known me for at least 180 years and he encouraged me to do it, I have my friend Sixy who is so funny and sweet, I have IT GOD who now knows more than he wanted to and wishes he hadn't bloody found it and I wonder if from time to time someone I used to date drops by, I know I would find the temptation irresistible if he had a blog, I'd have definitely kept reading, if you do Ken, please say hello.

The real kind of point to this is to say thanks for being with me. I've been blogging for about 18 months now and over that time I've been given awards. Due to my sheer technological numptiness and general can't be arsed to learn how to ness I've never put them on my blog and for that reason also I don't have a favourites list. It's not that I don't appreciate them, honest. So I have a little cyber drawer of nice things that include

A Rocking Girl Blogger award from Lisa

A Courageous Blogger award from Newfie ( who has disappeared and I often worry if she's ok)

A Busy Bee award from Tom Foolery

An Arte De Pico award again from Tom Foolery

An award of my choice from a selection at Mean Mom ( I loved the heart one but I worry that I wouldn't be able to link it back to her and you need the sentiment with the award) so I'll go for the nice one, I am often described as nice, I prefer edgy, but I can go with nice.

An award of my choice from MOB, I'd like to take the funny one, I get described as funny sometimes too, and sexy, that really surprises me, I never think of myself as sexy. Sorry, tmi again.

So in a poor attempt at coherence and a round up between my last post and this post, in my week without the weans I am going to attempt to put my awards on my blog, have different and appropriate music play to accompany the posts, learn to do the click on this word thingy and add a list of my favourite reads. That will take the whole week but the upshot is I can stay in my pyjamas and eat crap. I, sad article that I am, am really looking forward to doing this.

So, once again, thank you for being part of my life and thank you for letting me into yours. My day to day existence is so much the richer for it.

Without the Weans

You know that I love my children, I really really do, profoundly, deeply and unconditionally. Always good to get your disclaimer in early.

Is it wrong then for me to be so feckin excited ? Porquoi, I hear you exclaim, because from Thursday 17th of July until Thursday 24th of July I will be sans weans.

That's right, your auntie will be child free for a week.

Again for emphasis, I will be child free for a week.

Jesus, Mary and Holy St Joseph, what will I do with myself for a whole week ? Answers on a postcard please.

Techfeckinology part umpteen

Yes, my nemesis has come back to haunt me again. At work all my timetable for next term starts on Monday, why ? The computer says so, I got my confirmed timetable only on Wednesday and being a good girl I planned Mondays first 3 lessons and submitted the lesson plans. Then as I was leaving today I found out that all the school timetables are wrong as the students have a completely different timetable to the staff, so they will issue an electronic timetable later today. That means I do not know who or where or when I will be teaching next week or in September. This matters a lot as I am part time and I have arranged other teaching work elsewhere based on what I thought I was available to do. All because of a technical hitch.

Whilst at home....

I am writing this on the new PC as my laptop says on 1 part of the screen it's connected to the internet but on another it has "connection issues"

Well I have issues too...

So I have struggled to sort this out ( ok I asked the weans and switched it on and off, then I switched off the router thingy and switched it back on again) and IT God now has a limit on how many times I'm allowed to ask for help and he keeps threatening to show me how to do stuff myself, does he not know me at all? I mean, the policy of acting all helpless and getting people to do my tech stuff for me has served me well over the last 4 decades !!!

So here I am, not prone on my bed but upright in the dining room letting you know that I am still alive. As it's the end of term we've been mainly school fete ing and school concert ing

Beautiful baby Daughter and Eldest Beautiful Daughter both claim to have won the 6 foot tall bright orange and black soft toy shark that I keep tripping over. They have the same first initial and the daft pair both really want the damn thing. Well of course that's all I need to make my happiness complete a 6 foot toy shark, lucky me. An asset to any home.

Beautiful Baby Daughter had to play her trumpet at a musical concert last night at school. They provided wine on arrival, wine at the interval and then more wine at the end. This helped tremendously with my enjoyment levels of the evening. At no point in the evening did the violin playing sound like a cat being ironed. I feel all childrens performances would be much easier to get through with this help. Maybe even parents evenings for both teachers and parents ? Should I put it in the staff suggestions box at work ?

I am out drinking tonight and possibly out drinking tomorrow night. This will make 3 nights in a row. I wonder if my behaviour will be worse for the cumulative effect or because all my lovely bloggy friends have assured me that I'm just having fun ?

Musical Meme

I have been tagged by Indigo16 for this lovely meme, I'm really pleased as I've never been asked for a musical one before.

The rules of the game as set by Simon Reynolds: “List seven songs you are into right now. No matter what the genre, whether they have words, or even if they’re not any good, but they must be songs you’re really enjoying now, shaping your spring. Post these instructions in your blog along with your 7 songs.



The newest single from Glasvegas, I love the first verse, really poignant words, and I thank you for deciphering them and sending me them.



Now you knew this post would be Killers heavy, but I have restrained myself to 2. " For Reasons Unknown" This is the theme tune for my new life. I am a completely different woman than I was 2 years ago, and even 1 year ago, I go on, never looking back, like it says in the song "If Destiny's kind, I've got the rest of my life" and I'm going to live it.



My very favourite song ever, The Undertones - "Teenage Kicks", perfection.



The Killers - "The Ballad of Michael Valentine" , the best bit is at the end just after he sings " I've got a coat tail left to ride" and you get the bestest guitar riff, but you need to have it up loud for full effect.




The Dandy Warhols - "Bohemian Like You" - again best loud and I've provided some nakedness both male and female, I cater for all on this blog. Repeat after me, " You're the best auntie ever auntiegwen"



The Pink Spiders - "Little Razorblade" Their album " Teenage Graffiti" belongs to Eldest Beautiful Daughter but it lives in my car, it's happy there. She thinks she's lent it out but can't remember to whom, I keep quiet, bad auntiegwen, bad.




Fun Lovin Criminals - " The Fun Lovin Criminal", what can I say? I like Huey and I've got really fun memories of Beautiful Baby Daughter being very young and singing along loudly from the back seat.

So thank you Alison, I've loved this, please feel free to have a go on your own blog, I'd like to know what the Edge is listening to but he never does tags, so it'll be the usual suspects, you know who you are...

Old enough to know better ?

I'm wondering if I'm getting a bit too youthful in my outlook. In the last week I've...

got completely overexcited as my Killers tickets have arrived whoop whoop ( that's the auntiegwen happy noise)
gone to bed on a DIFFERENT day to when I got up (twice) on school nights too
read NME cover to cover, even went as far as to register on their website for an NME account
behaved inappropriately in the travel section at Borders
behaved in a way unbecoming to a woman my age in 2 different car parks
behaved in a less than mature fashion in a pub

Am I old enough to know better or am I just having fun ?

I've had a busy day !

I awoke The Beautiful Son and showered him with gifts and kisses.

I made breakfast for everyone and then the packed lunches.

I ran for 5 miles.

I baked The Beautiful Son's Birthday cake.

I spent an hour prepping for Friday's lesson.

I did a load of laundry, pegged it out, cleaned the kitchen and loaded the dishwasher.

I went to work and during the departmental staff meeting, I presented a new IT system for enrolling students ( I had a lot of help with this courtesy of a charming IT consultant, whose number is now stored on my phone under God)

I spent 2 hours cleaning out our resource cupboard at work.

I came home, vacuumed the house, emptied the dishwasher and took in the laundry.

I cleaned up (without yelling) the broken snowglobe that Rhys Daniel ( TBS maddest mate) had broken whilst playing indoor golf with a rugby ball.

I drove into the village to collect take out pizza's that TBS wanted for tea.

I then drove back into the village to go to the bank, as Beautiful Baby Daughter needs money for my ticket to see her play her trumpet in the school concert. I will of course, go with joy and be tremendously enthusiastic about these budding musicians.

I emptied the bins ready for collection tomorrow.

I did some prep for tomorrows lesson with the nursery nurses.

I have bug busted Beautiful Baby Daughter's hair.

I have spoken to my mummy on the phone.

I have blogged this.

I am now very tired and this is why I am usually asleep by 9pm.

The Beautiful Son - A Teenager !

Can you believe that my adorable baby boy has had the audacity to turn into a teenager !! The cheek of him. Tomorrow he will become 13.

He really was the most gorgeous baby, he had a cheeky smile, a really infectious laugh, very blonde hair and had big brown eyes that looked up at me like I was the Queen of the world. Some things have slightly changed over the years, he's much less blonde now and the big brown eyes look down on me now but I have to say he still looks at me with love.

When he was little he had lots of cute sayings and doings, he used to call me Mummydarling, all one word, he genuinely thought that was my name, when asked what he wanted to be when he grew up, he thought for a bit and announced that he thought that being a King would be a good job ! He was very scared of small yappy type dogs, big yappy type dogs and most animals really. When he was a toddler he was a one man demolition machine, he touched and broke everything in his path, it really was just as well he was so lovable.

Today he plays rugby, is fearless, has long hair, plays electric guitar and looks very cool. He has a real integrity to him and is a really popular boy, everyone who meets him loves him.

Once when he was 2 he had completely destroyed the playroom, a real huge mess and when I went in I pointed to it and I asked him " What did Jack make ? " pointing at the mess and he replied " Mummydarling happy, Jack makes Mummydarling happy"

And he still does, every single day and I count my blessings for the gift of him and the absolute priviledge to be his mummydarling, I am THE luckiest woman in the world, because he's mine and I love him more than I can ever say, he's my heart, mo chridhe.

My arse

It's been a quiet week this week. Beautiful Baby Daughter has been on a school trip to Wales but is coming back tomorrow. I have missed my wee sweetie scone and she's missed me, she texted me yesterday saying, I just need a hug, aawh babbins.

Eldest Beautiful Daughter continues on her exam merry go round but only has 3 left, so on the home stretch.

The Beautiful Son continues to be a work shy article whose has practised his twin pastimes of Runescaping and eating to olympic standard this week. No BBD to share the computer or jaffa cakes with !!!

EBD made me laugh today, when I got in from work she told me that TBS had got changed out of his school uniform but he'd put his t shirt ( a Glasgow Rangers Football top, no hate mail please, I didn't buy it !!!) on back to front, so she tells him and he looks down to check. There emblazened across his chest is his name and the number 11, he hadn't noticed. Her parting comment ** " Gifted and talented, my arse !!!"

Join in with me now, " Oh Sweet child of mine"


** The Beautiful Son was picked out for the Gifted and Talented programme whilst at primary school. It was a government thingy that gave extra classes to kids that were identified as being more able, he was picked for the science stream. A fact that somehow surprises people when they meet him !!! It also annoyed the crap out of his sisters who were not chosen.

Consulting

I seem to be flavour of the month at work. Oh yes, there has been notice of your auntie by the big high heid yins. They seem to think I am very what splendid. In fact so many nice things have been said, I apparently can save the educational system all by my own self I am that clever. I am beginning to think if I was chocolate, I would eat myself.
The result of this is, at work today I was asked how much I would charge for a days consultancy work.Now I have no clue for I am a consultancy virgin ( ok, to save you the trouble, I'll say it myself... thats one of the few types of virginity left to me, boom boom !!!) consultancy sounds like a grown up sort of scary type stuff that will probably involve technology which we all know your auntie is feart of.

So, I have been asked to do a few days of educational consultancy with an emphasis on multi sensory learning.

And they have told me to name my price !!

Aw feck, now I'm scared

TMI part deux

I have grey hair in more than 1 location. I have wrinkles. My bosoms are not as pert as they used to be.
I am a 41 year old woman and I accept these little insults as part of the inevitable ageing process.

There are things about me which are sometimes thought of as the trademark of the young.
I have spots on my chin. I have nits.

Now I wonder why I am still single ? Spots, grey hair, wrinkles AND nits.

Form an orderly queue gentlemen.

The Beautiful Students

Today was my last lesson with my year 13 A level group, you know the ones, the "Miss, I don't get it" lot. I only have them 1 double lesson per week on a Wednesday afternoon and they sit their exam on Friday.

When I went in today, they presented me with a huge bouquet of flowers, a box of Thorntons chocolates, a bottle of Merlot and a thank you balloon. They'd all written in a card as well, really lovely things about how much they'd miss me and how much they'd appreciated what I'd done.

Then I went to the other school where I've been doing a babysitting course after school 2 days a week,this was their last lesson too and they'd got me some flowers and a thank you card as well.

It really has been my priviledge to be a teacher, I absolutely love it, it's the best job in the world and when someone says "Thank you" it makes life that little bit sweeter.

So thank you to all my students past and present, I am so pleased to have had you in my life. You do make it all worthwhile. Like I say, I'm a lucky, lucky girl.

The Beautiful Children

The Beautiful Son is annoying his beautiful sisters. At the weekend he filmed Beautiful Baby Daughter when she was asleep to prove that she snores. She's totally peeved and thinks he's going to put it on Youtube. I made him delete it but not before he set it as his ringtone.

At dinner last night BBD accused TBS of eating all the strawberry creams out of the Quality Street we had at the weekend (mea culpa) but before I had a chance to fess up, he had screamed at BBD his denial which made Eldest Beautiful Daughter burst into tears, even though he wasn't shouting at her. She was totally surprised and said she didn't know why she was crying, (we do, exam stress) and she wanted TBS to say sorry for yelling. He wouldn't, both of them left the dinner table all disgruntled leaving Chief Accuser and the Guilty Party unscathed. Like my mum says about BBD she could start a fight in an empty house.

This morning Eldest Beautiful Daughter came down, she's had a rotten night, didn't sleep, had a temperature of 39 but still had to go to school to sit English GCSE this morning and History GCSE this afternoon. She told me she'd had a nightmare and that when she went into the exam hall there was only 1 table and chair, she was all alone and when she turned over her exam paper it was blank.

She looked like she did when she was 4, those huge eyes brimming with tears, and all hot and bothered. I just wish I could help her, giving her Ibuprofen and telling her it'll be okay just seemed like a poor bit of mummying today.

TMI

I have had to face up to an unwelcome truth today. As much as I try to avoid it with the copious amounts of anti wrinkle cream and the fashionable clothes and the vaguely youthful music, I am getting old.

This morning I noticed a grey hair, and it wasn't on my head.