I am a complete creature of opposites and I always have been. At school I was a prefect despite being a punk, I have a huge bad girl/good girl fight going on inside me, I would always prefer to be rebellious but I would be scared to break the law.
I am very squeamish despite having been a nurse for 15 years, I can never watch operations or babies being born on TV yet have functioned effectively in those situations in real life. At work I was extremely patient and empathetic but at home I have no time or patience for illness, I am THE most unsympathetic Mummy ever.
I cannot watch violence of any kind yet I read (and enjoy muchly) the most gruesome and graphic crime novels but only if they are fictitious. I cannot and will never read a misery memoir.
I adore cleanliness and tidyness but I live in constant mess.
I love eating but cannot cook.
I an a lazy bag and suffer hugely from "can't be arsedness" but have a huge Calvinistic work ethic, if work is going easily I'm not proud of what I'm achieving, an "I've had a go" piece of work produced with the really difficult students who give you hardly anything means a lot to me, because we've really worked for it.
In my head I am an Indie rock and roll chick, going to gigs, loving being out late, enjoying an adult life and I would love to be something cool, like a writer or a designer but in reality I am a middle aged mummy of 3 who is a teacher, can you think of a more boringly normal job than that ? It's just not how I want the world to see me
I absolutely love mush, the more the better but only if it's real. I don't like and never listen to love songs, I hate romantic fiction and I avoid watching romantic comedies. I truly love to hear of friends romantic encounters, it doesn't have to be directed at me but if it is, auntiegwen's happiness monitor goes into overdrive. I will soak it up, nothing makes me happier, all the darlings, I miss you's and I love you's are Nirvana to me. A romantic gesture is definitely the key to my heart, do I ever make romantic gestures myself ? That would be a no !
I have 2 old mobile phones on which I have kept all the lovely messages I have been sent and I would never delete them, I also keep emails and yet the only real love letter I ever got, which was a marriage proposal I threw out, he proposed to me on a cheque, on the front it said pay Miss my real name , 1 million kisses and on the back it said " Will you marry me ? "
and I threw it out, a proper love letter, a feckin marriage proposal and I threw it away like it was rubbish, can you believe that ? Mush Queen threw it out.
I have a blog and people read about my life but I am incredibly private and can even be secretive. As a rule of thumb, when I am blogging the lighter and fluffier I try to make it, the harder my real life is. If I post a really raw and honest this is how things really are post, I am compelled to remove it, usually within a few hours. I cannot, even in this really positive environment, seem to say, my life is shit, send me some support, yet I hope when others are struggling I will try and say something helpful to them.
In my relationships I am so open and honest, I have been described as brutally candid, yet in the very few significant relationships I have had, I have picked and loved men who keep their feelings to themselves, to say they play their cards close to their chest would be the understatement of the Millenium. The man I married would rather have cut his left bollock off than talk to me. The men I have been really involved with have had huge trust issues but I have never been unfaithful, they have been but I haven't.
So there you have it, I can be as wild as the heather but with a gentle and true heart, a receiver of romance but a giver of support, brutally candid myself but choose introspection in others, in the polite version a creature of extremes. In the more realistic version, weird.
Wednesday, 26 November 2008
Sunday, 23 November 2008
What goes on in their heads ?
Beautiful Baby Daughter
Can I have a hamster ?
no
Can I have a dog ?
no
Can I have a rabbit ?
no
You ARE a remarkably mean Mummy
Beautiful Eldest Daughter
Would my life have been different if I was Chinese ?
yes
Would you still love me if I was a mouse ?
no
Can I have 2 wee fencer men to fight a dual over me ?
probably not
The Beautiful Son
It might be ok if you get married again
you've changed your tune
Well, if it was a cool person
what would make him cool ?
If he rode a motor bike
okay
And he gave me money
how much money ?
£1.50 a day
So, gentlemen what are you waiting for ? For the grand total of £1.50 a day and obviously the outlay on the bike, a lifetime of married bliss with auntiegwen and her deranged weans await you !
I bet you can't wait ...
Can I have a hamster ?
no
Can I have a dog ?
no
Can I have a rabbit ?
no
You ARE a remarkably mean Mummy
Beautiful Eldest Daughter
Would my life have been different if I was Chinese ?
yes
Would you still love me if I was a mouse ?
no
Can I have 2 wee fencer men to fight a dual over me ?
probably not
The Beautiful Son
It might be ok if you get married again
you've changed your tune
Well, if it was a cool person
what would make him cool ?
If he rode a motor bike
okay
And he gave me money
how much money ?
£1.50 a day
So, gentlemen what are you waiting for ? For the grand total of £1.50 a day and obviously the outlay on the bike, a lifetime of married bliss with auntiegwen and her deranged weans await you !
I bet you can't wait ...
Friday, 21 November 2008
My new addiction
As I am an extremely nosey person, seriously my need to know things is ferocious, I am greatly surprised it took me so long to investigate this. Probably my lack of techfeckinology played a part.
When I blog stuff, in my head I think I am read only by the people who comment, except for a couple of people, who always text or email me about what I've written and maybe another few who stumble in via the black box, is anybody else still doing that ? nope, just me ? it brought me back to myself the other day, it also very very often sends me to a deeply devoted Christian wife of a pastor in America, who has a campaign about fighting for marriage, if she gets brought to me, I'm sure she will despair of my post marriage excitement, poor girl will have to have a lie down.
Any hoo, I digress, I've got a wee thingy that tells you who's been visiting, no not by name, although I'd love that, just how many people, where they're from and it can tell you if they used a search engine, what phrase they looked for that brought them to you.
So, in 3 weeks my main page has been read 1484 times, seriously, 1484, most of you are British, followed by American but I have been visited from people all over the world, some even come back ! How gas is that ?
77.20% United Kingdom
14.00% United States
2.00% Saudi Arabia
1.60% Australia
1.20% France
1.20% Canada
0.60% Germany
0.60% Ireland
0.40% New Zealand
0.40% Argentina
0.20% China
0.20% Denmark
0.20% Spain
0.20% Cyprus
I love the search engine phrases
Search Term
24.44% auntie gwen blogspot
17.78% auntiegwensdiary
6.67% tell offs
4.44% i'm sorry i was late well i missed the train
4.44% cool clothes for 50 something women
4.44% mansecat
2.22% cuss words comebacks
2.22% auntie gwen
2.22% auntiegwen blog glasgow
2.22% tell offs
2.22% crocsareugly
2.22% curse word come backs
2.22% milf teachers
2.22% comebacks with swearing
2.22% comebacks to tell someone off
2.22% irish swear words
2.22% she drunken called me 2am dating
2.22% AAWH
2.22% curse word comebacks
2.22% it god auntiegwen
2.22% good comebacks with bad words
2.22% 7 things before i die tag
2.22% good friend tell offs comebacks
100.00%
The thing I found the most interesting is that most people who pop in are actually looking for their auntie, thank you, your auntie's always pleased to see you.
The first week was all people looking for me, milfs and I believe "actual shagging", curse words and Scottish sweary words.
Week 2 again was me, milfs, cursewords and a "drunken salmon Gwen" the mind boggles.
This week, there were a few I didn't begin to understand, for example why some poor reader was firstly searching for
"I'm sorry I was late, well I missed the train" and secondly why that brought them here, I don't think that's a phrase I've even said let alone typed !
" Cool clothes for 50 something women" well, excuse me, I'm only fortyfeckintwo! Would you give yourself peace !
"mansecat" nope, not a baldy (Glaswegian for a clue)
"drunken 2 am calling, dating" I have been known for the late night drunken flirty texting and I have on 1 and 1 occasion only called at 2.30 am to let someone know how very drunk I was, he described it as cute and melancholy
But Jesus, Mary and Holy St Joseph, I seem to be the Miss Potty Mouth of the internet, if you are looking for curses, tell offs and come backs as apparently 26.65% ( I added it up, and checked it, I know I'm a sad article) of you visitors who searched the internet and found me are, I apparently am Queen of the smart arse retort.
Is Google's perception of me as a 50 something, late night calling, potty mouthed wisecracker true ?
My mother would be so proud !
When I blog stuff, in my head I think I am read only by the people who comment, except for a couple of people, who always text or email me about what I've written and maybe another few who stumble in via the black box, is anybody else still doing that ? nope, just me ? it brought me back to myself the other day, it also very very often sends me to a deeply devoted Christian wife of a pastor in America, who has a campaign about fighting for marriage, if she gets brought to me, I'm sure she will despair of my post marriage excitement, poor girl will have to have a lie down.
Any hoo, I digress, I've got a wee thingy that tells you who's been visiting, no not by name, although I'd love that, just how many people, where they're from and it can tell you if they used a search engine, what phrase they looked for that brought them to you.
So, in 3 weeks my main page has been read 1484 times, seriously, 1484, most of you are British, followed by American but I have been visited from people all over the world, some even come back ! How gas is that ?
77.20% United Kingdom
14.00% United States
2.00% Saudi Arabia
1.60% Australia
1.20% France
1.20% Canada
0.60% Germany
0.60% Ireland
0.40% New Zealand
0.40% Argentina
0.20% China
0.20% Denmark
0.20% Spain
0.20% Cyprus
I love the search engine phrases
Search Term
24.44% auntie gwen blogspot
17.78% auntiegwensdiary
6.67% tell offs
4.44% i'm sorry i was late well i missed the train
4.44% cool clothes for 50 something women
4.44% mansecat
2.22% cuss words comebacks
2.22% auntie gwen
2.22% auntiegwen blog glasgow
2.22% tell offs
2.22% crocsareugly
2.22% curse word come backs
2.22% milf teachers
2.22% comebacks with swearing
2.22% comebacks to tell someone off
2.22% irish swear words
2.22% she drunken called me 2am dating
2.22% AAWH
2.22% curse word comebacks
2.22% it god auntiegwen
2.22% good comebacks with bad words
2.22% 7 things before i die tag
2.22% good friend tell offs comebacks
100.00%
The thing I found the most interesting is that most people who pop in are actually looking for their auntie, thank you, your auntie's always pleased to see you.
The first week was all people looking for me, milfs and I believe "actual shagging", curse words and Scottish sweary words.
Week 2 again was me, milfs, cursewords and a "drunken salmon Gwen" the mind boggles.
This week, there were a few I didn't begin to understand, for example why some poor reader was firstly searching for
"I'm sorry I was late, well I missed the train" and secondly why that brought them here, I don't think that's a phrase I've even said let alone typed !
" Cool clothes for 50 something women" well, excuse me, I'm only fortyfeckintwo! Would you give yourself peace !
"mansecat" nope, not a baldy (Glaswegian for a clue)
"drunken 2 am calling, dating" I have been known for the late night drunken flirty texting and I have on 1 and 1 occasion only called at 2.30 am to let someone know how very drunk I was, he described it as cute and melancholy
But Jesus, Mary and Holy St Joseph, I seem to be the Miss Potty Mouth of the internet, if you are looking for curses, tell offs and come backs as apparently 26.65% ( I added it up, and checked it, I know I'm a sad article) of you visitors who searched the internet and found me are, I apparently am Queen of the smart arse retort.
Is Google's perception of me as a 50 something, late night calling, potty mouthed wisecracker true ?
My mother would be so proud !
Wednesday, 19 November 2008
All attempts to make that child normal have failed utterly
A quote, if you please from The Beautiful Son's form teacher.
TBS exasperates a fair few of his teachers, he is one of those kids who is tremendously difficult to motivate, he cannot be enticed to study for tests, he views them as a reflection of what he knows on the day, he has this weird notion that revising is somehow cheating. Not helpful as he is in year 9 and will have his SATS to do. None of the if you work a wee bit harder you'll go up a grade, he cares not a jot what grade he gets, he will ask quite seriously what difference it will make if he gets a grade 7 rather than a 6, now Beautiful Baby Daughter will work her wee socks of to be top of the class, that would make her wee cup of happiness overflow but himself wouldn't give a curdie if he was first or last. Eldest Beautiful Daughter isn't as motivated as BBD but will work hard enough to get what she wants.
At school yesterday he got into trouble in an ICT lesson, he had to make a wee animated person dance and have spot lights flashing on them in time to music. Himself took it a wee step further and animated Osama Bin Laden and had him disco dancing accompanied by lights a flashing. This pleased his teacher not and he had to change it, sense of humour failure perhaps ?
Last night at home he had a tea towel tied round his neck and either pulled it up round his face pretending to be a terrorist or had it pulled over his head like a scarf pretending to be Mother Teresa, complete with accents. I used to be a terrorist but I saw the light.
He has a whole repertoire of funny walks and funny accents and he has me in stitches most of the time but he has an empathy that many adults would do well to emulate.
So Miss Hall, I don't give a flying feck that you can't get the measure of my son and you just see the class clown, I don't want him to be like everybody else, I love him just the way he is and I hope he NEVER conforms.
So for Christmas I am going to get him a T shirt printed on the front with
"All attempts to make this child normal have failed utterly"
and on the back
a dancing Osama Bin Laden.
And on every non uniform day, he's going to wear it to school.
I don't know where he gets his subversiveness from, do you ?
TBS exasperates a fair few of his teachers, he is one of those kids who is tremendously difficult to motivate, he cannot be enticed to study for tests, he views them as a reflection of what he knows on the day, he has this weird notion that revising is somehow cheating. Not helpful as he is in year 9 and will have his SATS to do. None of the if you work a wee bit harder you'll go up a grade, he cares not a jot what grade he gets, he will ask quite seriously what difference it will make if he gets a grade 7 rather than a 6, now Beautiful Baby Daughter will work her wee socks of to be top of the class, that would make her wee cup of happiness overflow but himself wouldn't give a curdie if he was first or last. Eldest Beautiful Daughter isn't as motivated as BBD but will work hard enough to get what she wants.
At school yesterday he got into trouble in an ICT lesson, he had to make a wee animated person dance and have spot lights flashing on them in time to music. Himself took it a wee step further and animated Osama Bin Laden and had him disco dancing accompanied by lights a flashing. This pleased his teacher not and he had to change it, sense of humour failure perhaps ?
Last night at home he had a tea towel tied round his neck and either pulled it up round his face pretending to be a terrorist or had it pulled over his head like a scarf pretending to be Mother Teresa, complete with accents. I used to be a terrorist but I saw the light.
He has a whole repertoire of funny walks and funny accents and he has me in stitches most of the time but he has an empathy that many adults would do well to emulate.
So Miss Hall, I don't give a flying feck that you can't get the measure of my son and you just see the class clown, I don't want him to be like everybody else, I love him just the way he is and I hope he NEVER conforms.
So for Christmas I am going to get him a T shirt printed on the front with
"All attempts to make this child normal have failed utterly"
and on the back
a dancing Osama Bin Laden.
And on every non uniform day, he's going to wear it to school.
I don't know where he gets his subversiveness from, do you ?
Sunday, 16 November 2008
Horoscope Shmoroscope part 2
Ok so on Wednesday I told you about my foretold "intense romantic encounter" and if you read the comments of that post, it will tell you of the most romantic thing that happened to me that day.
I am a wee bitty sad in that I do actually read my horoscope every day, I like Russell Grant's one as he's on my Tiscali homepage, so I read Leo every day for me, I read Virgo, and EBD is Pisces and I have to add Cancer for Note Bene. I really do want to believe in this, I would love to have my fortune told or my tarot cards read again.
When I was 16 I had my Tarot read and the woman told me she could see me marrying a tall dark haired man and she saw him surrounded by money. The man I married worked for a bank, so he was surrounded by it, it just wasn't his. She told me I'd own a house abroad ( we do, a villa in Turkey) and she told me I would mourn a baby I didn't have ( I do and will always to my dying day, that baby would have been 15 this month) and that I would marry twice (maybe not beyond the realms of possibilty???). This kinda set the belief in me, also that my mother and sister really really believe, it makes my Dad snort with laughter.
So, back to my wee sad obsession, and the great want to believe. This month it said on the 13th I would be offered a lucrative work assignment and I was, so nah nah nah nah nah to the unbelievers.
But today's gem....
All's fair in love and war, at least as far as you're concerned. Competing for someone's affection proves an exciting challenge. Fortunately, you have enough charm and sex appeal to prevail. Be sure to dress to impress. If you already have a lover, take this opportunity to spice up your sex life. Acting out your fantasies will prove exhilarating. Role playing is also fun. Don't assume your amour won't be up for it. You will never know unless you ask.
Okay, I had only planned on doing the usual lesson planning, marking, visit to Gap and then a bit of ironing but as I'm so absolutely smokin hot, the good knickers will be back on (fortunately I have a ferocious selection of lingerie) and maybe it's even time for the sexy black stiletto boots, hell, let's bring the big guns out and I'll ask ...
Are you excited or afraid ?
I am a wee bitty sad in that I do actually read my horoscope every day, I like Russell Grant's one as he's on my Tiscali homepage, so I read Leo every day for me, I read Virgo, and EBD is Pisces and I have to add Cancer for Note Bene. I really do want to believe in this, I would love to have my fortune told or my tarot cards read again.
When I was 16 I had my Tarot read and the woman told me she could see me marrying a tall dark haired man and she saw him surrounded by money. The man I married worked for a bank, so he was surrounded by it, it just wasn't his. She told me I'd own a house abroad ( we do, a villa in Turkey) and she told me I would mourn a baby I didn't have ( I do and will always to my dying day, that baby would have been 15 this month) and that I would marry twice (maybe not beyond the realms of possibilty???). This kinda set the belief in me, also that my mother and sister really really believe, it makes my Dad snort with laughter.
So, back to my wee sad obsession, and the great want to believe. This month it said on the 13th I would be offered a lucrative work assignment and I was, so nah nah nah nah nah to the unbelievers.
But today's gem....
All's fair in love and war, at least as far as you're concerned. Competing for someone's affection proves an exciting challenge. Fortunately, you have enough charm and sex appeal to prevail. Be sure to dress to impress. If you already have a lover, take this opportunity to spice up your sex life. Acting out your fantasies will prove exhilarating. Role playing is also fun. Don't assume your amour won't be up for it. You will never know unless you ask.
Okay, I had only planned on doing the usual lesson planning, marking, visit to Gap and then a bit of ironing but as I'm so absolutely smokin hot, the good knickers will be back on (fortunately I have a ferocious selection of lingerie) and maybe it's even time for the sexy black stiletto boots, hell, let's bring the big guns out and I'll ask ...
Are you excited or afraid ?
Friday, 14 November 2008
Normal Service has resumed
Apologies to the poor readers who popped in this morning to find a woe is me type post.
I have now read 3 chapters of my new Maeve Binchy " Heart and Soul" had a bowl of lowfat custard and a very full fat Marks and Spencer sticky toffee pudding and I'm feeling much more like myself.
Maybe I should patent this as a cure for the glums ?
So the auld rip has gone and normal middleaged Pollayanna service has resumed !
I have now read 3 chapters of my new Maeve Binchy " Heart and Soul" had a bowl of lowfat custard and a very full fat Marks and Spencer sticky toffee pudding and I'm feeling much more like myself.
Maybe I should patent this as a cure for the glums ?
So the auld rip has gone and normal middleaged Pollayanna service has resumed !
Wednesday, 12 November 2008
Horoscope shmoroscope
My horoscope for today says
Winning someone's heart is as easy as crooking your finger at someone sexy. They'll be willing to move heaven and earth on your behalf. If you are in a relationship, this would be a wonderful time to plan a romantic holiday with your amour. Getting engaged or married is another possibility.
My horoscope for the week says says "An intense romantic encounter makes you feel like you're walking on air on the 12th.
Whoop whoop, that's the auntiegwen happy noise, I could do with a bit of excitement to cheer up a very dull Wednesday. Bring it on.
I wonder if this very what splendid event will take place
a during the day when I am supposed to be cleaning the house
b whilst I am taking The Beautiful Son to rugby practice
or
c when I put the bins out before I go to bed
I'm going to be all of a jitter the whole damn day now, constantly alert for this promised mush fest.
Well if there's that much excitement coming my way, maybe I'd better rethink my current attire of
1 Marks and Spencer blue nightie emblazoned with the slogan " I'm usually gorgeous but it's my day off"
1 Black Vans hoodie ( The Beautiful Sons, I was feeling a bit chilly )
1 pair of trackie bottoms (what, it's cold)
1 pair of daughters Ugg boots ( would you give yourself peace, I'm only cleaning the house today )
Okay, fair play if I'm going to have an "intense romantic encounter" I'll go shower and change, I'll even put my good knickers on ( just in case, you never know ! )
Winning someone's heart is as easy as crooking your finger at someone sexy. They'll be willing to move heaven and earth on your behalf. If you are in a relationship, this would be a wonderful time to plan a romantic holiday with your amour. Getting engaged or married is another possibility.
My horoscope for the week says says "An intense romantic encounter makes you feel like you're walking on air on the 12th.
Whoop whoop, that's the auntiegwen happy noise, I could do with a bit of excitement to cheer up a very dull Wednesday. Bring it on.
I wonder if this very what splendid event will take place
a during the day when I am supposed to be cleaning the house
b whilst I am taking The Beautiful Son to rugby practice
or
c when I put the bins out before I go to bed
I'm going to be all of a jitter the whole damn day now, constantly alert for this promised mush fest.
Well if there's that much excitement coming my way, maybe I'd better rethink my current attire of
1 Marks and Spencer blue nightie emblazoned with the slogan " I'm usually gorgeous but it's my day off"
1 Black Vans hoodie ( The Beautiful Sons, I was feeling a bit chilly )
1 pair of trackie bottoms (what, it's cold)
1 pair of daughters Ugg boots ( would you give yourself peace, I'm only cleaning the house today )
Okay, fair play if I'm going to have an "intense romantic encounter" I'll go shower and change, I'll even put my good knickers on ( just in case, you never know ! )
Saturday, 8 November 2008
Drunkety, drunk, drunk...again, a tale in 2 parts
Part 1
A few months ago in a town just like yours there was a girly night out. An assortment of 30 and 40 something women were celebrating our good friend's birthday. In a bar, my friend was chatting up this bloke who was quite drunk but fair play to her, she liked him and she wasn't being deterred. I'm very sober and I was kind of on the periphery of this conversation and when she went to the bar he turned to me and gazed straight into my eyes (yes, he indeedily did, gazed is the very word for it) and said in tones that were quite reverential...
"You're beautiful" and then again "You are really beautiful" To emphasise his point he made his friend tell me that when I walked in he told the friend "That girl is beautiful" So the poor sober friend had to back up this story and when my friend came back from the bar and he turned to her and said " Your friend is beautiful" which didn't please her mightily if truth be told.
Now your auntie has had few romantic encounters in her life (oh, don't feel sorry for me, the ones I've had have been top notch, quality over quantity and all that) but the men I have had romantic encounters with have not been the most forthcoming with the compliments or the mush. Which is a shame as I respond very favourably to mush.
So here I am in a bar and a tall dark handsome stranger is telling me I'm beautiful and he then goes on with the compliments likening me to Andrea Corr. My friend at this point is getting Mr "You're beautiful" 's number put into her phone (she can't see without her glasses) by the sober friend who's thinking this is great craic to give the number to the wrong girl. We're still on the " You're beautiful" but this has been joined by " You're nothing like my type, I usually go for big blondes but you are simply ..." and the big crowd of women chime in "beautiful, yes, we know, she's beautiful"
What thinketh your auntie at this point ? Well, it's very flattering really but I kind of got the vibe he was a player, what kind of man goes around telling middle aged women they're beautiful ? One that wants emptied, methinks and I'm quite happy with what I've got thanks and I am so not going to get into an argy bargy with a friend over a bloke. So I persuade friend to go home but in the cab on the way home she calls him and sets up a date.
Intermission
The man and my friend have 4 dates, that's the polite way of saying it. So all of the evening I get the "You're beautiful " and she gets the man.
Part 2
Last night in another bar in another part of town I am getting served, I'm 1 glass of the pink fizzy and I glass of the red down so it's fair to say your auntie was feeling quite squiffy. I turn around and a tall dark handsome man says " It's you isn't it ? " I agree as I wasn't that squiffy and I knew that I was indeed, myself. The man turns to his friends and says "It's the beautiful girl, you know the one, the beautiful girl, she's here" all the friends look and agree that I am the beautiful girl he's been telling them about.
So we pretty much have the same conversation as before except this time he's sober and I'm squiffy, incidentally I happen to be with the same friend. He's not been returning her texts and she's a bit peeved.
She then comes to the bar to look for me and sees him, not a pretty moment. I escape to the loo and then go scrounge a sneaky smoke, I get dizzy and have to sit down, no I'm not sick, just dizzy, honestly you shag one sheep ! Then Mr " You're beautiful " comes to find me followed by my friend who takes me out sharpish to another bar.
Mr "You're beautiful" rings my friend to find out where we've gone and she won't tell him. We go dancing and I was on ferocious form, feeling much more like Missus Party Pants, I have a blast and have to be encouraged home at close of play at 2 am, yes, you did read right, 2 am, me that likes to go to bed the same day she got up ! I had a lovely crowd of wee boys who were highly entertained by my "But I'm 42, I'm old enough to be your mammy" this was discouraging them not at all, your auntie's ego was well and truly stroked but rest assured dear readers, that was the only thing that was.
In the cab on the way home, my friend calls Mr "You're beautiful" and I get dropped off home first, yet again I get the " You're beautiful" and she gets the man.
This morning I found that he'd sneaked his phone number into my jacket pocket.
A few months ago in a town just like yours there was a girly night out. An assortment of 30 and 40 something women were celebrating our good friend's birthday. In a bar, my friend was chatting up this bloke who was quite drunk but fair play to her, she liked him and she wasn't being deterred. I'm very sober and I was kind of on the periphery of this conversation and when she went to the bar he turned to me and gazed straight into my eyes (yes, he indeedily did, gazed is the very word for it) and said in tones that were quite reverential...
"You're beautiful" and then again "You are really beautiful" To emphasise his point he made his friend tell me that when I walked in he told the friend "That girl is beautiful" So the poor sober friend had to back up this story and when my friend came back from the bar and he turned to her and said " Your friend is beautiful" which didn't please her mightily if truth be told.
Now your auntie has had few romantic encounters in her life (oh, don't feel sorry for me, the ones I've had have been top notch, quality over quantity and all that) but the men I have had romantic encounters with have not been the most forthcoming with the compliments or the mush. Which is a shame as I respond very favourably to mush.
So here I am in a bar and a tall dark handsome stranger is telling me I'm beautiful and he then goes on with the compliments likening me to Andrea Corr. My friend at this point is getting Mr "You're beautiful" 's number put into her phone (she can't see without her glasses) by the sober friend who's thinking this is great craic to give the number to the wrong girl. We're still on the " You're beautiful" but this has been joined by " You're nothing like my type, I usually go for big blondes but you are simply ..." and the big crowd of women chime in "beautiful, yes, we know, she's beautiful"
What thinketh your auntie at this point ? Well, it's very flattering really but I kind of got the vibe he was a player, what kind of man goes around telling middle aged women they're beautiful ? One that wants emptied, methinks and I'm quite happy with what I've got thanks and I am so not going to get into an argy bargy with a friend over a bloke. So I persuade friend to go home but in the cab on the way home she calls him and sets up a date.
Intermission
The man and my friend have 4 dates, that's the polite way of saying it. So all of the evening I get the "You're beautiful " and she gets the man.
Part 2
Last night in another bar in another part of town I am getting served, I'm 1 glass of the pink fizzy and I glass of the red down so it's fair to say your auntie was feeling quite squiffy. I turn around and a tall dark handsome man says " It's you isn't it ? " I agree as I wasn't that squiffy and I knew that I was indeed, myself. The man turns to his friends and says "It's the beautiful girl, you know the one, the beautiful girl, she's here" all the friends look and agree that I am the beautiful girl he's been telling them about.
So we pretty much have the same conversation as before except this time he's sober and I'm squiffy, incidentally I happen to be with the same friend. He's not been returning her texts and she's a bit peeved.
She then comes to the bar to look for me and sees him, not a pretty moment. I escape to the loo and then go scrounge a sneaky smoke, I get dizzy and have to sit down, no I'm not sick, just dizzy, honestly you shag one sheep ! Then Mr " You're beautiful " comes to find me followed by my friend who takes me out sharpish to another bar.
Mr "You're beautiful" rings my friend to find out where we've gone and she won't tell him. We go dancing and I was on ferocious form, feeling much more like Missus Party Pants, I have a blast and have to be encouraged home at close of play at 2 am, yes, you did read right, 2 am, me that likes to go to bed the same day she got up ! I had a lovely crowd of wee boys who were highly entertained by my "But I'm 42, I'm old enough to be your mammy" this was discouraging them not at all, your auntie's ego was well and truly stroked but rest assured dear readers, that was the only thing that was.
In the cab on the way home, my friend calls Mr "You're beautiful" and I get dropped off home first, yet again I get the " You're beautiful" and she gets the man.
This morning I found that he'd sneaked his phone number into my jacket pocket.
Thursday, 6 November 2008
At school today...
Open evening for prospective A level students and parents 6 till 8 pm.
Classroom all set up looking very what splendid.
Enticing parents and students to come visit our classroom with offer of free food.
Table of healthy dips and carrot sticks and 2 platters of grapes and strawberries.
5 teachers and a graduate trainee being very earnest, sensible, polite and charming as is our want
End of evening, packing up and leaving, Mr W gets to take all the leftover carrot sticks home and he very innocently says
"I'll need to buy a rabbit"
Your auntie says "Don't think it'll be much use to you"
Before collapsing on the floor, tears blinding me
Nothing like laughing at your own jokes, I'm still laughing now.
Sad article that I am.
Yes, I know I'm supposed to be setting a good example.
Classroom all set up looking very what splendid.
Enticing parents and students to come visit our classroom with offer of free food.
Table of healthy dips and carrot sticks and 2 platters of grapes and strawberries.
5 teachers and a graduate trainee being very earnest, sensible, polite and charming as is our want
End of evening, packing up and leaving, Mr W gets to take all the leftover carrot sticks home and he very innocently says
"I'll need to buy a rabbit"
Your auntie says "Don't think it'll be much use to you"
Before collapsing on the floor, tears blinding me
Nothing like laughing at your own jokes, I'm still laughing now.
Sad article that I am.
Yes, I know I'm supposed to be setting a good example.
Tuesday, 4 November 2008
Tag, I'm it
I have been awarded and tagged (no, not electronically !) by the very lovely Mean Mom who's not mean in the slightest.
So the most indecisive woman in the world (that would be me) has to figure out
7 Things I plan to do before I die
Jeez, do we have to start with the hard ones ?, I can't even choose soup
Travel properly, there is still so much of the world I want to see
Get a psychology degree
Run a marathon
Work with orphans in Africa
Be able to be really and truly happy again
Live by myself sans children, yes I do love them but I'd like the house to be tidy occasionally and I'd enjoy the peace and tranquility.
Get married again , yes I do know I have to get divorced first and in the last one I said I wanted to live on my own, this is after I've lived on my own and got a bit lonely
7 Things I should do now
Cook my children's tea
I have a pile of marking waiting , I always have that
Lesson planning, ditto
I should clean my kitchen floor, it's bad, I should clean the whole feckin house, my father would be ashamed ( he does all the cleaning, what can I say, I take after my mother)
I need to buy cereal for tomorrow's breakfast, I forgot to when I went to Sainsbury's yesterday
I should phone the Royal Mail as they tried to deliver a signed for letter when I was at work
Unpack my bag from the weekend, shameful aren't I ?
7 Things I can't do
Eldest Beautiful Daughter rattled off a stream of these when I asked her what I couldn't do, I couldn't type this quick enough !
Make decisions
Tell my children off or punish them, I am soooooooooooo crap at that
Powerpoint presentations
Cook
Park successfully
Read maps/follow directions/get where I should be going on a first attempt
Remember things
7 Things that attract me to the opposite sex
I actually did a fantasy new man list last year when I was full of enthusiasm for a man, he wasn't quite like my list and there were somethings on there I've changed my mind about, I do like alpha males again and now am a bit fed up with men in touch with their feminine side, so who knows what I'll like next year, to read the old list click here Get me with the hyperlinking , I'm a big fat show off, aren't I ?
Intelligence
Humour
Honesty
Alpha males ( I like them to be in charge)
Confidence
Athleticism - I think stamina is an under rated quality in a man
Sexiness - I like a twinkle in their eye
7 Things I say most often
Yep, I'll do that for you
Would you give yourself peace !
Feck off
Yes you do have to go to your dads to stay, yes I'm aware you don't like his girlfriend, yes I understand you feel that I'm a mean Mummy
Education gives you choices
I still get paid even if you all fail your A levels, I keep on at you because I want you to be the best you can be
They were all wee babies once and then life happened to them ( that raises many groans in our office and now they all join in in strangled tones !)
7 Favourite foods
Strawberries
Rum and raisin ice cream
Pizza
Goat's cheese and roasted peppers panini's
Penne arribiata
Cranachan
Chips especially from a Glasgow chippie
Well, I'm done now, hope that wasn't too boring for you. I'm supposed to tag 7 other bloggers, so would any of you care to join in ?
I know Neil won't but any of the others ?
What about the newer bloggers ?
No ?, oh go on, I know you want to really
You can blame it on me, say that ultrabossy/nosy auntiegwen made you do it.
I'd like to know more about you.
So the most indecisive woman in the world (that would be me) has to figure out
7 Things I plan to do before I die
Jeez, do we have to start with the hard ones ?, I can't even choose soup
Travel properly, there is still so much of the world I want to see
Get a psychology degree
Run a marathon
Work with orphans in Africa
Be able to be really and truly happy again
Live by myself sans children, yes I do love them but I'd like the house to be tidy occasionally and I'd enjoy the peace and tranquility.
Get married again , yes I do know I have to get divorced first and in the last one I said I wanted to live on my own, this is after I've lived on my own and got a bit lonely
7 Things I should do now
Cook my children's tea
I have a pile of marking waiting , I always have that
Lesson planning, ditto
I should clean my kitchen floor, it's bad, I should clean the whole feckin house, my father would be ashamed ( he does all the cleaning, what can I say, I take after my mother)
I need to buy cereal for tomorrow's breakfast, I forgot to when I went to Sainsbury's yesterday
I should phone the Royal Mail as they tried to deliver a signed for letter when I was at work
Unpack my bag from the weekend, shameful aren't I ?
7 Things I can't do
Eldest Beautiful Daughter rattled off a stream of these when I asked her what I couldn't do, I couldn't type this quick enough !
Make decisions
Tell my children off or punish them, I am soooooooooooo crap at that
Powerpoint presentations
Cook
Park successfully
Read maps/follow directions/get where I should be going on a first attempt
Remember things
7 Things that attract me to the opposite sex
I actually did a fantasy new man list last year when I was full of enthusiasm for a man, he wasn't quite like my list and there were somethings on there I've changed my mind about, I do like alpha males again and now am a bit fed up with men in touch with their feminine side, so who knows what I'll like next year, to read the old list click here Get me with the hyperlinking , I'm a big fat show off, aren't I ?
Intelligence
Humour
Honesty
Alpha males ( I like them to be in charge)
Confidence
Athleticism - I think stamina is an under rated quality in a man
Sexiness - I like a twinkle in their eye
7 Things I say most often
Yep, I'll do that for you
Would you give yourself peace !
Feck off
Yes you do have to go to your dads to stay, yes I'm aware you don't like his girlfriend, yes I understand you feel that I'm a mean Mummy
Education gives you choices
I still get paid even if you all fail your A levels, I keep on at you because I want you to be the best you can be
They were all wee babies once and then life happened to them ( that raises many groans in our office and now they all join in in strangled tones !)
7 Favourite foods
Strawberries
Rum and raisin ice cream
Pizza
Goat's cheese and roasted peppers panini's
Penne arribiata
Cranachan
Chips especially from a Glasgow chippie
Well, I'm done now, hope that wasn't too boring for you. I'm supposed to tag 7 other bloggers, so would any of you care to join in ?
I know Neil won't but any of the others ?
What about the newer bloggers ?
No ?, oh go on, I know you want to really
You can blame it on me, say that ultrabossy/nosy auntiegwen made you do it.
I'd like to know more about you.
Sunday, 2 November 2008
10 Things I learned this weekend
There is a new sign on the border, it's blue and has what is I suppose someone's modern interpretation of the Saltire on it and is says "Welcome to Scotland" and underneath "Failte gu Alba" I preferred our original "Ceud Mille Failte" pronounced coo milla falcha, which is Gaelic for A hundred thousand welcomes. I know I'm turning into a Grumpy Old Woman, I'll be standing in for Jenny Eclair on the next tour.
The M74 and M6 have a staggering amount of roadworks especially southbound, it took me 2 hours longer to drive back to England today than it did to get home on Friday. Yes, I am aware that I'm sounding like a Daily Mail reader, I'm working on it !
I get very irritable in traffic, I wasn't even appeased by the hot guy who smiled, winked and flirted with me for 25 minutes along the M6, I would rather have just not had the delay, what did he think could happen ? That I'd pull over and Gillian him on the hard shoulder ?
Scotland had the best of the weekend weather, it was beautifully Autumnal there, crisp but bright and sunny and last night there the sky was so clear with beautiful stars, ok it was feckin freezing but I still had the stars.
I don't like the new Sharleen Spiteri CD, it sounds like 60's pop music, I gave it to my mum, she likes it and I wasn't that struck on the new Snow patrol one either.
Women underestimate how important sport is to men, I don't know if it's all sport but golf seems to be incredibly important, there is a huge application of thought and psychology that surprised me.
Men do not want to be questioned about things, they will even lie about stuff to avoid this kind of dialogue, I always thought it was conversation, they don't think it is.
Women are too harsh on themselves about their body image, men apparently aren't too fussed by a bit cellulite or the odd wobbly bit, the analogy used to explain this to me was " If I've got to the stage where you're naked then it 's like being 3 foot away from an open goal and stopping to play keepie uppie whilst checking out the condition of the pitch, if I'm 3 foot away from an open goal, I'm gonna make sure I shoot and score" Thank you, that makes me feel sooooooo much better.
I finally know how to do the click on the word thingy, I got a full tutorial this morning and he even wrote it down for me in step by step stages so I can do it all by my own self. Please click here to listen to a song I heard in the car on the way home, I had this up full blast and stuck my foot down, I'd forgotten how much I loved this song. They were playing in Glasgow last night and I didn't know, they were the first band I ever saw.
Every woman needs a bit of edge in her life
The greatest of thanks to my host, he re arranged his weekend, provided me with food and drink, cooked and washed up after me, washed and ironed the organic cotton bed linen, provided me with some extemely valuable insights into the male psyche, refrained from telling me what an arse I am making of my life and didn't comment on how funny I find things after a few glasses of the red stuff and how quickly I can inhale Merlot.
The M74 and M6 have a staggering amount of roadworks especially southbound, it took me 2 hours longer to drive back to England today than it did to get home on Friday. Yes, I am aware that I'm sounding like a Daily Mail reader, I'm working on it !
I get very irritable in traffic, I wasn't even appeased by the hot guy who smiled, winked and flirted with me for 25 minutes along the M6, I would rather have just not had the delay, what did he think could happen ? That I'd pull over and Gillian him on the hard shoulder ?
Scotland had the best of the weekend weather, it was beautifully Autumnal there, crisp but bright and sunny and last night there the sky was so clear with beautiful stars, ok it was feckin freezing but I still had the stars.
I don't like the new Sharleen Spiteri CD, it sounds like 60's pop music, I gave it to my mum, she likes it and I wasn't that struck on the new Snow patrol one either.
Women underestimate how important sport is to men, I don't know if it's all sport but golf seems to be incredibly important, there is a huge application of thought and psychology that surprised me.
Men do not want to be questioned about things, they will even lie about stuff to avoid this kind of dialogue, I always thought it was conversation, they don't think it is.
Women are too harsh on themselves about their body image, men apparently aren't too fussed by a bit cellulite or the odd wobbly bit, the analogy used to explain this to me was " If I've got to the stage where you're naked then it 's like being 3 foot away from an open goal and stopping to play keepie uppie whilst checking out the condition of the pitch, if I'm 3 foot away from an open goal, I'm gonna make sure I shoot and score" Thank you, that makes me feel sooooooo much better.
I finally know how to do the click on the word thingy, I got a full tutorial this morning and he even wrote it down for me in step by step stages so I can do it all by my own self. Please click here to listen to a song I heard in the car on the way home, I had this up full blast and stuck my foot down, I'd forgotten how much I loved this song. They were playing in Glasgow last night and I didn't know, they were the first band I ever saw.
Every woman needs a bit of edge in her life
The greatest of thanks to my host, he re arranged his weekend, provided me with food and drink, cooked and washed up after me, washed and ironed the organic cotton bed linen, provided me with some extemely valuable insights into the male psyche, refrained from telling me what an arse I am making of my life and didn't comment on how funny I find things after a few glasses of the red stuff and how quickly I can inhale Merlot.
Wednesday, 29 October 2008
10 Things I don't Understand
I don't think I'm a stupid person, I occasionally have moments of vacuousness but overall I am a functioning human. However, there are lots of little things I don't understand, maybe it's because I am turning onto a grumpy old woman with the luxury of a blog which allows me to spout off. I will focus on these little musings as I have real big grown up important scary stuff going on at present and in true auntiegwen style I am avoiding dealing with that and faffing around this kind of stuff instead.
Why my lip gloss becomes less of a threat to national security when , at airports, it is enclosed in a clear plastic bag.
Why my sister at the age of thirtyfeckinseven still has to have my mum take her to the dentist, I kid you not
Why people wear crocs, they must be the ugliest shoes ever, my kids call them shoes of the devil
Why I can't understand the Clyde tunnel, there is no feckin water anywhere nearby (save your breath, Edge, you've tried and failed before, unless you take me up in a helicopter and show me, I cannot understand how the tunnel goes underneath the river, when I can't see water anyfeckinwhere)
Why my eldest beautiful daughter cannot bear to look at naked feet, we all have to cover our tootsies up, this is a real pain on holiday
Why people start their Christmas shopping before December 1st, my sister starts on Boxing day in the sales which means you can never return things, Christmas should be a one month only thing, in December
Why it dements me when my children and my students leave everything to the last minute and yet I am exactly the same, you'd think I'd understand
Why people queue for ages and then when their turn comes suddenly realise that they need to pay or show their passport and then rummage about their person looking frantically for the required item, get feckin ready, why don't you ?
Why grown ups (usually men) play on x boxes and play stations and wii's, they're for children, they're called toys. We have stuff of our own to amuse us.
Why the Sainsbury's lady thinks I can bring with me enough plastic bags to do my whole weekly shop, she makes me feel like a Nazi when I produce 3 or 4 bags for life and can't fit all my shopping in them still have to have some free orange ones
Why my lip gloss becomes less of a threat to national security when , at airports, it is enclosed in a clear plastic bag.
Why my sister at the age of thirtyfeckinseven still has to have my mum take her to the dentist, I kid you not
Why people wear crocs, they must be the ugliest shoes ever, my kids call them shoes of the devil
Why I can't understand the Clyde tunnel, there is no feckin water anywhere nearby (save your breath, Edge, you've tried and failed before, unless you take me up in a helicopter and show me, I cannot understand how the tunnel goes underneath the river, when I can't see water anyfeckinwhere)
Why my eldest beautiful daughter cannot bear to look at naked feet, we all have to cover our tootsies up, this is a real pain on holiday
Why people start their Christmas shopping before December 1st, my sister starts on Boxing day in the sales which means you can never return things, Christmas should be a one month only thing, in December
Why it dements me when my children and my students leave everything to the last minute and yet I am exactly the same, you'd think I'd understand
Why people queue for ages and then when their turn comes suddenly realise that they need to pay or show their passport and then rummage about their person looking frantically for the required item, get feckin ready, why don't you ?
Why grown ups (usually men) play on x boxes and play stations and wii's, they're for children, they're called toys. We have stuff of our own to amuse us.
Why the Sainsbury's lady thinks I can bring with me enough plastic bags to do my whole weekly shop, she makes me feel like a Nazi when I produce 3 or 4 bags for life and can't fit all my shopping in them still have to have some free orange ones
Sunday, 26 October 2008
Well, that was the quickest week of the year !
Why do your holidays go so fast ? I'm back now from my week in the sun and it's feckin freezing here! We had a brilliant time. We didn't do much, just relaxed really, I did some AS level marking and EBD wrote some essays but mainly we just enjoyed not being at school. We were extremely lucky as the weather was gorgeous, around 25 every day but on Wednesday we did have a cloud for about 10 minutes, so I suffered too !
Our week contained lots of sunbathing (that would be me, my kids don't like to sunbathe, if I hadn't given birth to them, I'd seriously doubt they were mine)
Lots of swimming (that would be them, I didn't even go in the pool)
We visited the farmers market as we always do, and bought our stash of fruit and our yummy cashew, pistachio and honey and sesame peanuts as is our want.
We went out to eat a lot ! That will be why there are no photos of the sunbathing, I fear the world is not ready for my fatness in a bikini, but if I'm in my own garden I will happily inflict no end of nakedness on my poor children in my attempt at an all over tan.
We also spent lots of time with our beautiful friends who live next door to us in Turkey, the can't live without them, Keith and Heather, who have retired and are living their dream in the sunshine. They are a real inspiration to me, this is an uber happy second relationship for them and they just enjoy being, they've a real zest for life, game to try anything, myself and the kids love them to bits and not just for the treats and the rides on their quad bike !
On Beautiful baby Daughter's birthday, our lovely friends Keith and Heather treated BBD to a portrait after dinner and my little poser just loved it !
We also went go karting, my children scared the bejaysus outta me, they go really, really, fast. I, myself am a very careful and considerate, stick to the speed limit kinda gal.
Eldest beautiful Daughter couldn't understand my reluctance to let her drive my car when she turns 17 in March !
Please brace yourself for several gratuitous shots of my family, I just can't help myself, they're just too beautiful.
We just spent time together and they had a week of full fat Mummying without the distractions of school, marking, lesson prep, mates, myspace and ok I admit, blogging to get in the way. That was special, I know there won't be that many holidays left with all three of them. I do hope that the villa can be passed on and that they bring their own children there and recreate the lovely low key, relaxing, laughter packed holidays that I am fortunate enough to have with them.
I pretty much adore everything about my villa and my holidays there but for me one of THE best bits about it is this...
Every day around 6.30pm I have pink o'clock and as the beautiful children were getting showered I sat on the terrace, had a glass of the pink stuff and my cashew nuts in my special wee bowl (anal, who me ?) and watched the beautiful sunset over Babadag mountain, shown above and pink o'clock, shown below.
Our week contained lots of sunbathing (that would be me, my kids don't like to sunbathe, if I hadn't given birth to them, I'd seriously doubt they were mine)
Lots of swimming (that would be them, I didn't even go in the pool)
We visited the farmers market as we always do, and bought our stash of fruit and our yummy cashew, pistachio and honey and sesame peanuts as is our want.
We went out to eat a lot ! That will be why there are no photos of the sunbathing, I fear the world is not ready for my fatness in a bikini, but if I'm in my own garden I will happily inflict no end of nakedness on my poor children in my attempt at an all over tan.
We also spent lots of time with our beautiful friends who live next door to us in Turkey, the can't live without them, Keith and Heather, who have retired and are living their dream in the sunshine. They are a real inspiration to me, this is an uber happy second relationship for them and they just enjoy being, they've a real zest for life, game to try anything, myself and the kids love them to bits and not just for the treats and the rides on their quad bike !
On Beautiful baby Daughter's birthday, our lovely friends Keith and Heather treated BBD to a portrait after dinner and my little poser just loved it !
We also went go karting, my children scared the bejaysus outta me, they go really, really, fast. I, myself am a very careful and considerate, stick to the speed limit kinda gal.
Eldest beautiful Daughter couldn't understand my reluctance to let her drive my car when she turns 17 in March !
Please brace yourself for several gratuitous shots of my family, I just can't help myself, they're just too beautiful.
We just spent time together and they had a week of full fat Mummying without the distractions of school, marking, lesson prep, mates, myspace and ok I admit, blogging to get in the way. That was special, I know there won't be that many holidays left with all three of them. I do hope that the villa can be passed on and that they bring their own children there and recreate the lovely low key, relaxing, laughter packed holidays that I am fortunate enough to have with them.
I pretty much adore everything about my villa and my holidays there but for me one of THE best bits about it is this...
Every day around 6.30pm I have pink o'clock and as the beautiful children were getting showered I sat on the terrace, had a glass of the pink stuff and my cashew nuts in my special wee bowl (anal, who me ?) and watched the beautiful sunset over Babadag mountain, shown above and pink o'clock, shown below.
Thursday, 16 October 2008
Tomorrow
Tomorrow The Beautiful Children and I will be going here for half term, I am so looking forward to this.
Every morning we will be waking up to this.
And whilst we are there we have yet another thing to celebrate, I know it doesn't get much better than this !
On Monday my Beautiful Baby Daughter will be 12. I used to sing to her when she was a baby, this is her song...
Wee Tootsie Moppet
Mummies wee poppet
Daddies darling baby girl
You're the best thing in the world.
It doesn't seem like 12 years ago and yet when she's sleeping I really can see the baby version of her. She was the cutest little thing and the most articulate of them all, no matter what she puts her mind to, she'll do it. I would not be surprised to see her running the country one day. My little sweetie scone is not much smaller than me now but she still is and always will be my baby. She looks so much older this year, it's been the one I've seen the most difference in. She has the most glorious mop of titian hair and I am struggling to persuade her to keep it long, I would put ribbons in it, she just rolls her eyes at me. She now has very strong opinions on what she wants to wear and I know I have to let her grow up but she is very probably my last baby and I'd like to keep her that way as long as I can.She has an answer for everything and she can never admit that she's wrong, I don't know wher she gets that from!!! She has the most infectuous laugh and you can't help but join in. She could start a fight in an empty house but still is the most caring of wee souls. She is so enthusiatic and really goes for it, and despite the regular trumpet practice,I love her so very much and I am very priviledged to be her Mummy. She is my heart, mo chridhe.
Every morning we will be waking up to this.
And whilst we are there we have yet another thing to celebrate, I know it doesn't get much better than this !
On Monday my Beautiful Baby Daughter will be 12. I used to sing to her when she was a baby, this is her song...
Wee Tootsie Moppet
Mummies wee poppet
Daddies darling baby girl
You're the best thing in the world.
It doesn't seem like 12 years ago and yet when she's sleeping I really can see the baby version of her. She was the cutest little thing and the most articulate of them all, no matter what she puts her mind to, she'll do it. I would not be surprised to see her running the country one day. My little sweetie scone is not much smaller than me now but she still is and always will be my baby. She looks so much older this year, it's been the one I've seen the most difference in. She has the most glorious mop of titian hair and I am struggling to persuade her to keep it long, I would put ribbons in it, she just rolls her eyes at me. She now has very strong opinions on what she wants to wear and I know I have to let her grow up but she is very probably my last baby and I'd like to keep her that way as long as I can.She has an answer for everything and she can never admit that she's wrong, I don't know wher she gets that from!!! She has the most infectuous laugh and you can't help but join in. She could start a fight in an empty house but still is the most caring of wee souls. She is so enthusiatic and really goes for it, and despite the regular trumpet practice,I love her so very much and I am very priviledged to be her Mummy. She is my heart, mo chridhe.
Monday, 13 October 2008
10 things I cannot live without
My loved ones - my family and friends, you know who you are
Coffee - the bigger the better and if someone else makes it for me, nirvana
Music - in the car, on my ipod and best of all live, upcoming gigs include Glasvegas(again), Primal Scream and the Killers in Belfast, The Signals and The Valentines in ??? I think it's near Linlithgow, maybe Falkirk, I better find out soon and apparently Mr 2 Sox himself is taking me to see The View, any other blogmates want me to accompany them anywhere, just ask away, don't be shy now.
Books - I love reading and always have done, I average about 2 books a week but on holiday will easily read a book a day. Yes, they are proper books, without pictures, grown up ones, the fatter the better.
Blogger - for somone who is as technophobic as me it is relatively easy to do, I love my blog, I love your blogs and I would be so much the poorer if you weren't in my life, thank you for joining me and thank you for letting me share your lives too.
Running - I hate it but I love it, I get so fed up because I don't run in the winter much due to my general wussiness and the fact I won't run in rain, cold or the dark but when I do get on with it, I love the space it makes in my head. Ok and the fact it allows me to eat and still fit into my jeans.
Holidays - God they're good, aren't they ? Throw in some sunshine and you've got me, I will happily go anywhere, I just love new places, revisting places and just not being at home.
Texting - this makes me disproportionately happy, I text all the time, like a teenager. I don't bother with capitals and punctuation much. I adore getting them back too, and if you reply fairly quickly my wee cup of happiness runneth over.
Wine - I like red, rose and fizzy. I now know I can only do 2 or 3 glasses max, it's good to have learned your limits at the early age of 42, I feel.
Kissing - the more the better, I feel I don't get enough of this. I will happily smooch till my lips are frayed at the edges. I want to practice this till I get to Olympic standard.
Coffee - the bigger the better and if someone else makes it for me, nirvana
Music - in the car, on my ipod and best of all live, upcoming gigs include Glasvegas(again), Primal Scream and the Killers in Belfast, The Signals and The Valentines in ??? I think it's near Linlithgow, maybe Falkirk, I better find out soon and apparently Mr 2 Sox himself is taking me to see The View, any other blogmates want me to accompany them anywhere, just ask away, don't be shy now.
Books - I love reading and always have done, I average about 2 books a week but on holiday will easily read a book a day. Yes, they are proper books, without pictures, grown up ones, the fatter the better.
Blogger - for somone who is as technophobic as me it is relatively easy to do, I love my blog, I love your blogs and I would be so much the poorer if you weren't in my life, thank you for joining me and thank you for letting me share your lives too.
Running - I hate it but I love it, I get so fed up because I don't run in the winter much due to my general wussiness and the fact I won't run in rain, cold or the dark but when I do get on with it, I love the space it makes in my head. Ok and the fact it allows me to eat and still fit into my jeans.
Holidays - God they're good, aren't they ? Throw in some sunshine and you've got me, I will happily go anywhere, I just love new places, revisting places and just not being at home.
Texting - this makes me disproportionately happy, I text all the time, like a teenager. I don't bother with capitals and punctuation much. I adore getting them back too, and if you reply fairly quickly my wee cup of happiness runneth over.
Wine - I like red, rose and fizzy. I now know I can only do 2 or 3 glasses max, it's good to have learned your limits at the early age of 42, I feel.
Kissing - the more the better, I feel I don't get enough of this. I will happily smooch till my lips are frayed at the edges. I want to practice this till I get to Olympic standard.
Thursday, 9 October 2008
10 Things I really, really have to do in the next week
Tomorrow I have to get on t'internet and book tickets to see The Killers. They're touring and I have a notion to go and see them in Belfast. I love Belfast and apparently it's very what trendy now.
I really can't put that feckin tax return off any longer.
Ditto the Rarpa file ( very boring paperwork for Ofsted which is now 3 months late)
Pay my M&S credit card bill of £952.12, due tomorrow.
Mark 15 essays for my AS level students.
Get out of going speed dating with my friend Melanie, I'm so not doing that, even though I do love her and want to support her, the line has been drawn.
Try and talk Beautiful Baby Daughter out of wanting a 12 foot trampoline for her forthcoming birthday, it will eat my garden and I'll have nowhere to put my whirly.
On Tuesday go to a tutor development meeting for my adult ed job at the same time as my book group meeting which is held in the pub, oh, I wonder which one I prefer ?
On Thursday be a prospective parent looking round my school with The Beautiful Son at open evening whilst simultaneously being in my classroom as a teacher talking to prospective parents at open evening
Get on a plane and head off to the sunshine.
I really can't put that feckin tax return off any longer.
Ditto the Rarpa file ( very boring paperwork for Ofsted which is now 3 months late)
Pay my M&S credit card bill of £952.12, due tomorrow.
Mark 15 essays for my AS level students.
Get out of going speed dating with my friend Melanie, I'm so not doing that, even though I do love her and want to support her, the line has been drawn.
Try and talk Beautiful Baby Daughter out of wanting a 12 foot trampoline for her forthcoming birthday, it will eat my garden and I'll have nowhere to put my whirly.
On Tuesday go to a tutor development meeting for my adult ed job at the same time as my book group meeting which is held in the pub, oh, I wonder which one I prefer ?
On Thursday be a prospective parent looking round my school with The Beautiful Son at open evening whilst simultaneously being in my classroom as a teacher talking to prospective parents at open evening
Get on a plane and head off to the sunshine.
Wednesday, 8 October 2008
10 Things I really, really want
I've sat here for ages trying to write this. The things I think would make my life sooooo much more pleasurable. Lots of wasted time, umming and aahing, what do I come up with ?
Straight teeth, perkier bosoms and a psychology degree.
There were other little minor things, a Prada handbag, a Tiffany pendant that I am coveting with covety covetousness, a weekend away with a hot man and my tax return to be miraculously done, if the hot man can do that while I am luxuriating in the bath in the posh hotel room so much the better!
Dare I say this ? Could this possibly mean that Pollyanna is actually quite contented with her lot ? Am I happy ?
Straight teeth, perkier bosoms and a psychology degree.
There were other little minor things, a Prada handbag, a Tiffany pendant that I am coveting with covety covetousness, a weekend away with a hot man and my tax return to be miraculously done, if the hot man can do that while I am luxuriating in the bath in the posh hotel room so much the better!
Dare I say this ? Could this possibly mean that Pollyanna is actually quite contented with her lot ? Am I happy ?
Monday, 6 October 2008
I've lost it
I got my copy of our corporate plan (no, I don't know why schools have such a thing either but I've found it best to just keep quiet) So, I'm reading my department's section, I'm not too fussed about the other lots, just my bit. I read about what our plan was for last year and how we acheived it and it all sounded very what splendid.
I read about how we had appointed AG as a Subject Specialist and that this extra cost was justified as we had a complete 100% pass at A level etc blah blah blah. I momentarily wondered why I'd never met our subject specialist and mused over how strange it was that we had the same initials...
Yep, it's official, my brain has retired.
I read about how we had appointed AG as a Subject Specialist and that this extra cost was justified as we had a complete 100% pass at A level etc blah blah blah. I momentarily wondered why I'd never met our subject specialist and mused over how strange it was that we had the same initials...
Yep, it's official, my brain has retired.
Saturday, 4 October 2008
The Beautiful Son
The Beautiful Son talked at me for a bit yesterday. This is extremely unusual as he is not generally given to conversation, what with him being a teenage boy and all and he remains, despite my best efforts, a complete alpha male in training and totally not in touch with his feminine side. I spend a lot of time with him but we don't talk much, I like that, it's peaceful. His sisters would never sit in silence with me but he often does, I can be reading my book and he just either sits or lies beside me twirling a strand of my hair as he has done since he was a tiny baby.
The funniest part of this is because he is very quiet and he hardly ever converses like this, he does talk and stuff but he rarely expresses his opinions. The topic of this monologue was his forthcoming school council elections and he was so funny, he could have been on "Grumpy Old Men" It was quite ranty and there was't too much pause for breath. I think he used up a week's worth of conversation on this. I can't remember verbatim what he said but it was along the lines of.
AG - How was school today ?
TBS - I'm well pissed off
AG - Why ? ( very suprised at not receiving the customary grunt that tells me to shut the feck up )
TBS - You know the school elections ?
AG - Yeah ( but really means no as he hasn't mentioned them at all)
TBS - If you throw sweets into the crowd at the end of the vote for me bit, you get disqualified
AG - So ?
TBS - I managed to get into the 2nd row, right in the centre, prime postition, was bound to get plenty and then the fascists didn't let them chuck the sweets in
AG - non committal noises
TBS - I went into school early for that (in a disgruntled tone)
AG - Ah, give yourself peace,
TBS - And the school council never do anything
AG - If you don't step up to the plate don't moan about the others that do
TBS - Would you give YOURSELF peace, they only go to bloomin meetings, don't decide things and eat biscuits
AG - clamped as she knows that's exactly how most school meetings go.
So, not long in length but succinct and to the point.
The funniest part of this is because he is very quiet and he hardly ever converses like this, he does talk and stuff but he rarely expresses his opinions. The topic of this monologue was his forthcoming school council elections and he was so funny, he could have been on "Grumpy Old Men" It was quite ranty and there was't too much pause for breath. I think he used up a week's worth of conversation on this. I can't remember verbatim what he said but it was along the lines of.
AG - How was school today ?
TBS - I'm well pissed off
AG - Why ? ( very suprised at not receiving the customary grunt that tells me to shut the feck up )
TBS - You know the school elections ?
AG - Yeah ( but really means no as he hasn't mentioned them at all)
TBS - If you throw sweets into the crowd at the end of the vote for me bit, you get disqualified
AG - So ?
TBS - I managed to get into the 2nd row, right in the centre, prime postition, was bound to get plenty and then the fascists didn't let them chuck the sweets in
AG - non committal noises
TBS - I went into school early for that (in a disgruntled tone)
AG - Ah, give yourself peace,
TBS - And the school council never do anything
AG - If you don't step up to the plate don't moan about the others that do
TBS - Would you give YOURSELF peace, they only go to bloomin meetings, don't decide things and eat biscuits
AG - clamped as she knows that's exactly how most school meetings go.
So, not long in length but succinct and to the point.
Friday, 3 October 2008
10 Places I Have Never Been
I do actually want to go to all of these places, in no particular order.
Australia
South Africa
Havana
Istanbul
The Maldives
Berlin
Hong Kong
Brighton
Dubai
The Outer Hebrides
I'm not complaining mind, I've been very fortunate and have been to lots of fantastic places and there are many more that didn't make the 10. I've got another 10 that I've been to and would love to go back over and over again. I'm in a 10 frame of mind at the moment.
Australia
South Africa
Havana
Istanbul
The Maldives
Berlin
Hong Kong
Brighton
Dubai
The Outer Hebrides
I'm not complaining mind, I've been very fortunate and have been to lots of fantastic places and there are many more that didn't make the 10. I've got another 10 that I've been to and would love to go back over and over again. I'm in a 10 frame of mind at the moment.
Wednesday, 1 October 2008
10 Things I have Never Done
Had sex in a car (yes, even in that BMW at the weekend)
Taken any recreational drugs except cannabis
Been arrested or been given a caution
Been truly malicious or vindictive
Been unfaithful
Been tattooed (I did think about getting it done when I was 40 but my mother was horrified, so I didn't as I didn't want to upset my mammy)
Been actually at Murrayfield watching Scotland beat England and lift The Calcutta cup
Been in a hot air balloon
Swum with dolphins
Had a Prada handbag
So continuing on the last post's theme, I still am, pretty much a good girl and I can wear my Pollyanna badge with pride. Okay, I'll hold my hands up, for an ex punk, I've led a pretty tame life. But as my song says " If destiny's kind, I've got the rest of my life"
Time to get busy...
Taken any recreational drugs except cannabis
Been arrested or been given a caution
Been truly malicious or vindictive
Been unfaithful
Been tattooed (I did think about getting it done when I was 40 but my mother was horrified, so I didn't as I didn't want to upset my mammy)
Been actually at Murrayfield watching Scotland beat England and lift The Calcutta cup
Been in a hot air balloon
Swum with dolphins
Had a Prada handbag
So continuing on the last post's theme, I still am, pretty much a good girl and I can wear my Pollyanna badge with pride. Okay, I'll hold my hands up, for an ex punk, I've led a pretty tame life. But as my song says " If destiny's kind, I've got the rest of my life"
Time to get busy...
Sunday, 28 September 2008
I've been a good girl, I have
This weeks total of bad behaviour
I have eaten a whole Fruit and Nut toblerone, bought to accompany the viewing of my new Sex and The City DVD.
Out on Wednesday night, 3 glasses of pink fizzy, no sneaky fags, no snogging.
Out on Friday night, 2 Gin and Tonics, 1 sneaky fag, no snogging.
Out on Saturday night, 1 glass of pink, 2 and a half sneaky fags, copious amounts of snogging, on the rooftop terrace of a bar and then (hangs head in shame) more snogging on the back seat of a BMW (I know,everybody hates BMW drivers but I can't escape them, only BMW drivers find me attractive)
BUT
I have ran twice (to combat the fruit and nut toblerone)
I went to church this morning for Harvest festival, so I think overall, your auntie has behaved quite well this week.
I have eaten a whole Fruit and Nut toblerone, bought to accompany the viewing of my new Sex and The City DVD.
Out on Wednesday night, 3 glasses of pink fizzy, no sneaky fags, no snogging.
Out on Friday night, 2 Gin and Tonics, 1 sneaky fag, no snogging.
Out on Saturday night, 1 glass of pink, 2 and a half sneaky fags, copious amounts of snogging, on the rooftop terrace of a bar and then (hangs head in shame) more snogging on the back seat of a BMW (I know,everybody hates BMW drivers but I can't escape them, only BMW drivers find me attractive)
BUT
I have ran twice (to combat the fruit and nut toblerone)
I went to church this morning for Harvest festival, so I think overall, your auntie has behaved quite well this week.
Friday, 26 September 2008
Clothes Maketh The Woman
It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a woman in posession of a credit card, must be in want of a shop (or 6)
My name is auntiegwen and I am a shopper, not to Olympic standard like the daughters but I'm not too shabby.
I like clothes and shoes and handbags but I'm not particularly adventurous, I tend to buy the same types of things. I have in my posession 4 grey cardigans, I'm too scared to count my Petit Bateau childrens vests (age 12) and my jeans (Gap) so regular me is jeans, vest tops and a cardie, I am very fond of my grey cashmere Gap one and also my new long boyfriend one from M and S.
Due to a change in hours and timetabling I have to be smart 4 days per week now, I used to only have to do 2, that's hard. I'm of an age (you probably noticed) and I want to look stylish but not old enough to know better, and that's becoming tricky, I'm not ready to look like a middle aged woman. I think because from age 18 to 33 I didn't have to think about work clothes because I was in a nurses uniform, so I do casual well, I'm told I scrub up well in my posh going out stuff but work ????
At school, my students really do critique what I wear and my fondness for wrap around DVF style dresses (2 black, long sleeved and sleeveless, 1 black and red, 1 black and grey and 2 green) makes Eldest Beautiful Daughter call me a refugee from a Boden catalogue. Incidentally these draw the most comments from staff, last week I got 3 compliments in my green Boden wrap round. Students tend to like trouser and long cardi combo's.
Yesterday I went off in black trousers, a fitted white shirt and a black waistcoat and I was feeling very what smart until Rik, my head of department said " Looking smart today, auntie, off to referee a snooker match at lunchtime ? "
No, but I'm off shopping today to find smart, stylish, age appropriate clothes that are as comfy as my jeans, vest top and cardi combos, am I asking too much ?
My name is auntiegwen and I am a shopper, not to Olympic standard like the daughters but I'm not too shabby.
I like clothes and shoes and handbags but I'm not particularly adventurous, I tend to buy the same types of things. I have in my posession 4 grey cardigans, I'm too scared to count my Petit Bateau childrens vests (age 12) and my jeans (Gap) so regular me is jeans, vest tops and a cardie, I am very fond of my grey cashmere Gap one and also my new long boyfriend one from M and S.
Due to a change in hours and timetabling I have to be smart 4 days per week now, I used to only have to do 2, that's hard. I'm of an age (you probably noticed) and I want to look stylish but not old enough to know better, and that's becoming tricky, I'm not ready to look like a middle aged woman. I think because from age 18 to 33 I didn't have to think about work clothes because I was in a nurses uniform, so I do casual well, I'm told I scrub up well in my posh going out stuff but work ????
At school, my students really do critique what I wear and my fondness for wrap around DVF style dresses (2 black, long sleeved and sleeveless, 1 black and red, 1 black and grey and 2 green) makes Eldest Beautiful Daughter call me a refugee from a Boden catalogue. Incidentally these draw the most comments from staff, last week I got 3 compliments in my green Boden wrap round. Students tend to like trouser and long cardi combo's.
Yesterday I went off in black trousers, a fitted white shirt and a black waistcoat and I was feeling very what smart until Rik, my head of department said " Looking smart today, auntie, off to referee a snooker match at lunchtime ? "
No, but I'm off shopping today to find smart, stylish, age appropriate clothes that are as comfy as my jeans, vest top and cardi combos, am I asking too much ?
Sunday, 21 September 2008
Again, with feeling, I am a lucky, lucky girl
You know how I always tell you, I'm a lucky lucky girl ?
Well, I am.
I'm alive, healthy and not too insolvent (credit card bill this month under a grand, yes, that is for a month, what can I do ?, the kids keep eating and demanding new kit for all the myriad of activities they collectively partake of, oh alright I bought shoes and some fancy knickers too)
I had a blissful Saturday night.
Today, the beautiful children and I went to Pizza Express for lunch and to see The Boy in Striped Pyjamas at the cinema. This is a delicately acted film with real pathos about the unlikely friendship between two little boys, one the son of a high ranking Nazi and the other a Jewish concentration camp inmate. My girls and I cried buckets at the end, and when we were walking from the cinema, my beautiful son put his arm around my shoulders and kept it there all through town to the car park.
I am really and truly blessed, I've never known real hardship in my life, I've never been persecuted for my ideas or beliefs, I've never been hungry and I've always had a home and I've always had love.
I love my life, I love the very bones of my children, I have people to care about and people who care about me and my children are safe, well and happy. That's not too shabby is it ? Trust me, I am unbelievably grateful for it.
Well, I am.
I'm alive, healthy and not too insolvent (credit card bill this month under a grand, yes, that is for a month, what can I do ?, the kids keep eating and demanding new kit for all the myriad of activities they collectively partake of, oh alright I bought shoes and some fancy knickers too)
I had a blissful Saturday night.
Today, the beautiful children and I went to Pizza Express for lunch and to see The Boy in Striped Pyjamas at the cinema. This is a delicately acted film with real pathos about the unlikely friendship between two little boys, one the son of a high ranking Nazi and the other a Jewish concentration camp inmate. My girls and I cried buckets at the end, and when we were walking from the cinema, my beautiful son put his arm around my shoulders and kept it there all through town to the car park.
I am really and truly blessed, I've never known real hardship in my life, I've never been persecuted for my ideas or beliefs, I've never been hungry and I've always had a home and I've always had love.
I love my life, I love the very bones of my children, I have people to care about and people who care about me and my children are safe, well and happy. That's not too shabby is it ? Trust me, I am unbelievably grateful for it.
Friday, 19 September 2008
Because Tom Foolery asked me to...
Here you have regular auntiegwen, albeit in her best frock before a night out, taken in my friend Melanie's bedroom.
Now scroll down to see me do my Sarah Palin inpersonation, using Mel's glasses this time.
Now scroll down to see me do my Sarah Palin inpersonation, using Mel's glasses this time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
